I know I ABU

[MrsDylanBlue]

1st wedding anniversary and we had DSD who is 13. Other DSD didn’t come as the had a sleepover - I always knew it was our weekend which is fine.

DSD and I have a good relationship and U have been in her life for a long time.

This weekend though. Kept leaving tampon and sanitary towel wrappers on the bathroom floor. Left blood all over the loo and didn’t wrap up her pads so just left them open in the bin. DH wanting to get romantic etc and it’s just off putting.

She is in the room right next to us anyway so silent romance if at all (which is just the way it is).

Went for a nice lunch today and tried my hardest to make DSD feel included and she was so moody. Refused to thank the waiting staff (I was so fucking annoyed that DH said nothing so I prompted her) was moody and ungrateful after choosing THE most expensive thing on the menu and refused to wear a coat (we have bought her a really nice one but she didn’t bring it because it needed washing - I always wash their coats so I cannot understand why she didn’t bring it) and shivered but wore a pair of massive ski gloves, a nice dress and a pair of stinking trainers which are falling to bits.

Then DH said she could eat her food with her fingers (WTAF?) I suggested she tried the knife and fork first - which she did.

Argh.

Thanks I just needed a rant.

BasilFaulty

I have - I should have known better 😂😂

I would be annoyed with the attitude, mess in the bathroom and being rude to waiting staff. Would have pulled my son up in all those when he was a teenager (but he aware that I am not be any means a lax parent but they do go through a stage when you may as well just talk to yourself as NOTHING seems to get through!). I learnt to pick my battles and he's come out the other side thankfully!

However, your comment about your DSD's tampons and towels in the bathroom affecting your and your partner's sex life is just plain weird. Why would the sight of a used tampon or towel in the bathroom affect you in that way. It's just a bit of blood all very natural! Does an accidental skid mark in the loo also put you off! Very strange!

@Lookatyourwatchnow

You have hit the nail on the head!

If I did two post that were identical but on one put “I am having issues with DDs behaviour” and on the other “I am having issues with DSDs behaviour” I know on the second one I would be lynched and called all the names under the sun, and on the first one I would receive advice and helpful tips!

Think we should test the theory as a mumsnet experiment? Lol 😂

Anyways one thing that got me when I was younger and just got my period, I left a little mess in the bathroom (was only young and I did not realise) and my older sister went into the bathroom after me and hit the roof! I was so embarrassed, I never did it again, I was too self conscious, not that I am saying that’s how you should tackle it with your step daughter, I would go at it at a more gentle angle, for example is the bin next to the toilet, easy to reach? If she is on her period ask her if she’s feeling ok and whether she wants a hot water bottle or paracetamol. She may not be able to swallow pills, I know I was about 16 when I realised how to do it, so she may be in pain but refuse paracetamol thinking she can’t swallow pills, get some liquid paracetamol like calpol in and offer her that.

If she is moody, let’s face it we all can be! Give her space, sometimes being confrontational can make it worse and escalate matters, not sure how you would deal with it i the restaurant, maybe apologise to the staff for DSD behaviour in front of her and OH, it might shock her into being polite. Such as

“I do apologise for my step daughters behaviour, she is a bit under the weather”

Fully agree with Lookatyourwatchnow - I read the the teenage board for the same kind of issues and everyone is full of advice and 'don't worry most teenagers can be awful' with flowers,etc. I'm really surprised at the responses you've had!! I don't understand why a space that should be supportive and allow SP's to rant is so negative towards SPs- it makes no sense!!

Toddlers and teens, same.
It can be miserable, and very very hard work.
The coat thing and then moaning and miserable about the cold, yes absolutely.
Try not to be disappointed, they're a nightmare at times.
The grumps and feel the world owes them, yep.
Have lower expectations and keep out of their decisions as much as possible is the only way I have found.
I would have tried to carried on regardless, wading through treacle with grumpy teen, but would have asked for shared facilities to be left as found.
I do think it's very good she's so relaxed about it and not painfully shy which would be worse.
There are some good things in there, and it will pass, and fluctuate.

Good luck

I agree with previous poster, your expectations are not unreasonable at all BUT you are letting anger direct Joe you feel it should be dealt with.

Teenagers are VERY annoying and the line between annoyance and anger, even if mild, can be blurred.

You say she needs to learn and that's correct, but not by pointing out in utter frustration that her behaviour is outrageous. What she's done is probably not dissimilar to what you, or your kids has done once in your life.

Best way to deal with is afterwards. Maybe tell her that you had to pick up her sanitary stuff off the floor and wipe blood, and that you understand that the whole thing is confusing and unpleasant for her too but it must be embarrassing for her too, so best way to avoid is to always make sure to check after herself rather than rushing out of bathroom as quickly as possible.

You can mention calmly that you notice she was a bit rude with staff and understand that she wasn't in the best of mood but that she needs to remember that it wasn't the staff fault and it's not fair to make thrm feel unappreciated which will thrm lead thrm to be grumpy too and take it out of their family when going home.

All this will likely need to be repeated a number of times. Similarly, appreciate that you are most likely not perfect yourself and probably have times when you do things that annoy other people. We all have bad days, teenagers and menopausal women often at the top of leadership board!

Please don't tell her it 'must' be embarrassing for her as well...don't even mention embarrassing. Just ask her to leave bathroom as she'd found it for everyone's benefit, including her own, and to ask if she needs help with anything, that you're happy to help if she ever needs a hand at all.

Another person here thinking that you’d have received completely different responses if this was your daughter you were talking about, not your step daughter... And I say that as someone who was a teenage step daughter!

Leaving the wrappers on the floor is a bit annoying but not really a big deal, and I don’t really see how sanitary products in the bathroom could put you off sex. But consistently not bothering to wrap up sanitary towels and dispose of them properly is unpleasant and unnecessary. Nobody wants to look at another persons dirty sanitary towels. My sister was 10 when she started her periods and I don’t remember her having any issues with keeping the bathroom tidy (we have a 7 year age gap), so I don’t see why a teenager shouldn’t be able to manage it.

Likewise, being rude to waiting staff would have got my back up. I wouldn’t have mentioned it in the restaurant to avoid embarrassment (including the embarrassment of the waiter/waitress) but I would have mentioned it when we got home. Periods can be horrible, but if she’s well enough to come out and order a large meal (I assume so, as it was the most expensive thing on the menu, it wasn’t a starter or a sandwich) she’s feeling well enough to be polite to another human being trying to do their job.

I’d also be annoyed at someone refusing to wear a coat and then complaining that they were cold, but I appreciate we might be being a bit petty about that one

Definitely would have received different responses if you were her mother!

But as a step mum you

• just don’t understand normal teenage behaviour
• are not making the girl welcome and obviously she is reacting to your animosity. As no step mum is ever just being kind.