I know I ABU

[MrsDylanBlue]

1st wedding anniversary and we had DSD who is 13. Other DSD didn’t come as the had a sleepover - I always knew it was our weekend which is fine.

DSD and I have a good relationship and U have been in her life for a long time.

This weekend though. Kept leaving tampon and sanitary towel wrappers on the bathroom floor. Left blood all over the loo and didn’t wrap up her pads so just left them open in the bin. DH wanting to get romantic etc and it’s just off putting.

She is in the room right next to us anyway so silent romance if at all (which is just the way it is).

Went for a nice lunch today and tried my hardest to make DSD feel included and she was so moody. Refused to thank the waiting staff (I was so fucking annoyed that DH said nothing so I prompted her) was moody and ungrateful after choosing THE most expensive thing on the menu and refused to wear a coat (we have bought her a really nice one but she didn’t bring it because it needed washing - I always wash their coats so I cannot understand why she didn’t bring it) and shivered but wore a pair of massive ski gloves, a nice dress and a pair of stinking trainers which are falling to bits.

Then DH said she could eat her food with her fingers (WTAF?) I suggested she tried the knife and fork first - which she did.

Argh.

Thanks I just needed a rant.

I had horrific periods as a 13 year old and still managed to dispose of wrappers/pads etc.

I would have been annoyed about the eating with hands too, she isn't 3.

Having managed to bring up perfectly lovely children on my own I can safely say that expecting manners in public when being “treated” and expecting basic hygiene is not unrealistic and I feel very sorry for anyone who doesn’t expect that of their children or step children.

3 children - 1 with ASD.

So why did you say this then:

After years of expecting my children to behave like saints he allows this.

Because he expected my children to help around the house doing dishwasher etc which I also expected but when his children are here he runs around loading and emptying it while they sit on their arses doing nothing - which pisses me off.

so you have a dh problem. he's behaving badly.

I am perfectly aware of that - hence ranting here.

But you're directing your ire in the wrong direction.

Why is your thread title "I know I ABU"? You clearly don't think you are, at all.

I highly doubt that all three of your children were "perfectly lovely" at all times and in all places. Unless they managed to bypass adolescence entirely somehow?

I think you're experiencing more annoyance at your DSD's behaviour because she's not yours. Which is how your DH felt about your children. You probably should have talked this through with him before now, rather than each of you blaming the other's children.

I’m not directing it anywhere - I had a vent about it here.

On the “Step Parenting” thread where step parents can vent about the everyday gripes of being a step parent - no?

Or is this a place to enthuse about how bloody wonderful it is ALL. THE. TIME.

But your op is all about how shit your DSD is, not that your DH isn't expecting the same level of behaviour.

You need to talk to him and tell him to stop having a double standard.

I do - a lot.

Well, why is your OP all about how awful your DSD is then and not about the actual issue?

Perhaps you should examine that and why you find it so much easier to scapegoat a child for your issues in your relationship with her father.

Maybe I didn’t want to start a row with him today what with it being our first wedding anniversary and limited time together?

Her behaviour was crap and not acceptable and he should have dealt with it.

But that isn't her fault.

swatch should read search

Having managed to bring up perfectly lovely children on my own I can safely say that expecting manners in public when being “treated” and expecting basic hygiene is not unrealistic

The manners need addressing but I'm sure your own kids aren't perfect. Nobody is.

God forbid anyone should have a moan about parenting on a parenting forum.

And bad form to bring up whatever other posts you have found btw.

Expecting a teenager to not be a rude and ungrateful miserable shit when being taken out and picking up her own rubbish is having unreasonable expectations?

Jesus Christ. Stop the world i want to get off. I expect better behaviour from my 2yo.

Creating entitled rude little shits is not good parenting.

I feel sorry for you op

So much you seem to have a negative issue with. Must be shit

You don't have unreasonable expectations, OP. It's certainly not unreasonable to expect a teenager to pick up their shit and say please and thank you. The issue is the unreasonable (and impossible) expectations that society has of stepmothers. If you had said DD instead of SD, you would have had different responses. But because you are SD's SM, you are NEVER allowed to ever feel frustrated with her behaviour, there are ALWAYS reasons to excuse SC's behaviours, and no matter what you do you will always be wrong or not have done enough.

In my experience, and what I have gaged from others, this is how lots of blended family scenarios seem to go:

• Dad behaves like a Disney parent, and has no proper boundaries for the DC.
• DC learn that they can do what they want when they are with dad.
• SM tries to put boundaries in place, gets shot down. SC's mum kicks off, dad tells you off. SC don't listen anyway because all of the other adults undermine you.
• your own children, if you have them, have a totally different set of expectations and have to follow all of the rules. SC are deeply traumatised by their parents separation forever and behaviour is excused. Your own DC always have to 'get on with it' and aren't important or relevant.

👍

Lookatyourwatchnow

On the “Step Parenting” thread where step parents can vent about the everyday gripes of being a step parent - no?

you've not posted on this board before have you?