Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I know I ABU

84 replies

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 17:27

1st wedding anniversary and we had DSD who is 13. Other DSD didn’t come as the had a sleepover - I always knew it was our weekend which is fine.

DSD and I have a good relationship and U have been in her life for a long time.

This weekend though. Kept leaving tampon and sanitary towel wrappers on the bathroom floor. Left blood all over the loo and didn’t wrap up her pads so just left them open in the bin. DH wanting to get romantic etc and it’s just off putting.

She is in the room right next to us anyway so silent romance if at all (which is just the way it is).

Went for a nice lunch today and tried my hardest to make DSD feel included and she was so moody. Refused to thank the waiting staff (I was so fucking annoyed that DH said nothing so I prompted her) was moody and ungrateful after choosing THE most expensive thing on the menu and refused to wear a coat (we have bought her a really nice one but she didn’t bring it because it needed washing - I always wash their coats so I cannot understand why she didn’t bring it) and shivered but wore a pair of massive ski gloves, a nice dress and a pair of stinking trainers which are falling to bits.

Then DH said she could eat her food with her fingers (WTAF?) I suggested she tried the knife and fork first - which she did.

Argh.

Thanks I just needed a rant.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fuckimdoingaphd · 18/11/2018 18:02

How is clean wrappers on the floor of the bathroom off putting when DH wants to shag you in the bedroom?

AdalindShade · 18/11/2018 18:03

My mum used to think I communicated well with her. I didn't, she just thought that because she never knew the whole story.

Fuckimdoingaphd · 18/11/2018 18:03

What Adalind said. And that goes double for you because you're a step mum.

namechange9080 · 18/11/2018 18:11

Omg what is it with Mumsnetters, children can act like little c**ts because they have a step parent ???

She doesn't need to learn anything, she needs to be TOLD, hey DSD, when your done with a pad or a tampon before you put it in the bin, please can you just wrap it in some toilet roll, and wipe the toilet over when your finished!

I had a friend the same when I was younger, her mum didn't talk to her about periods.... I nearly dropped dead when I found a tampon in the bin 🤢🤢🤢

MrsBobDylan · 18/11/2018 18:13

Just ask her to pick up the wrappers, it's not a life changing issue is it?

Also, it is highly likely that at 13, she didn't look behind her and noticed she had left blood on the seat. That happens to me occasionally and as I share the house with 4 males, I have no one else to blame.

And maybe she has lost the coat and is too scared to fess up?

I think you should have asked her not to come so you and dh could have noisy sex on the kitchen table.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 18:14

She has been asked. Repeatedly.

OP posts:

Dillydallyingthrough · 18/11/2018 18:15

OP rant away, I would be annoyed to!

My DD is 14, and well behaved the majority of the time, but god when she is moody or rude it really fucks me off. I agree she is old enough to know to leave the bathroom as she found it- surely this is common decency? When DD started her period this happened 3 times, each time I called her up and asked her kindly to clear up and that I understood it was easy to forget as it was so new, it's never happened since. I just wouldn't accept that behaviour. I'm not sure why everyone seems to understand your DSDs periods better than you- you have said you are close, I would think you know best!

Tbh I would probably be more annoyed at your DH for not pulling her up on being rude and the eating with hands thing

It's probably a bit of a shit way to spend your anniversary especially if you are only seeing DH twice this month- try to have a nice evening

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 18:15

If she had lost the coat she would fees up.

She has broken 6 phones in 2 years and not worried about telling us about that.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 18:17

Dillydallyingthrough

Thanks. He’s gone back now so we will see each other next weekend.

I do ask her nicely and she knows where the anti back wipes are. I love her and was happy for her to come to lunch I just was pissed off thar she was sulky and moody.

OP posts:

VioletCharlotte · 18/11/2018 18:19

Yanbu to want to have a moan about her. If she was your DD, no one would say yabu. She's just being a typical moody, messy teen, they're bloody annoying sometimes aren't they?

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 18:22

Tbh I would probably be more annoyed at your DH for not pulling her up on being rude and the eating with hands thing

Yes - we went to a nice place and I said she’s 13 not 3 and hated myself for being a bitch - but seriously it was basically chicken and chips - which a sauce?!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 18:22

With

OP posts:

Firefliess · 18/11/2018 18:23

I think that's hard if the only time you get to see your DH is at the weekends and that's also when the DSDs come. Do they come every weekend or do you get alternate ones to yourselves? If so that might be a better opportunity for romance. Feeling annoyed at grumpy teenagers in the next room doesn't really put me in the mood either. Always good to be a bit flexible about when you choose to celebrate birthdays, Christmas or anniversaries in step families I find. Better a date that suits than the precise date

johnnymarrr · 18/11/2018 18:25

Feel sorry for your DSD to be honest. Sounds like she's probably got things going on in her head and you're bitching about her on MN rather than trying to figure out why she's obviously quite down in the dumps?

My periods used to be horrific when I was a teenager and some people struggle to take pain relief - that may be worth thinking about. You've got an excuse for everything OP, why not just accept you need to be a bit more understanding.

Whiskeyjar · 18/11/2018 18:54

I don't blame you for being annoyed - teenagers are a pain in the arse most of the time but unfortunately that's just what you need to deal with. I don't think it's fair that you had to speak up at dinner rather than DH. I would speak to him about the things you've mentioned here and put it back on him to speak to her to ensure she's tidying up after herself and about her manners when out for dinner. Cut her some slack though, OP. She's just a kid

Greensleeves · 18/11/2018 18:55

I think you need to separate out all the different bits of this, you've rolled it all together into a big ball of resentment, and I think some bits are completely fair and others not so much.

the coat - yeah, pick your battles. That's teens. Ignore moaning about cold.

the bathroom - tricky, as we don't know her, but I would think a quiet reminder each time she leaves it a mess, as she is 13 and getting to grips with periods, but you're right, she does need to develop better habits for her own sake and everyone else's. No need to embarrass the poor girl, but you shouldn't have to clean up her blood either.

the meal - I sympathise about the moody surliness. My teen boys can be thoroughly unpleasant company when they choose. Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu - so what? Did you set limits on what she could order? Expecting extra gratitude/a better attitude because of what she ordered is a fool's game. It's not how teens work. Either have a talk to DH about consequences when rudeness goes too far, or make your mind up that you'll detach and ignore when she's rude/sullen, but find a way to protect yourself emotionally, because you've got potentially years of it to come. And LOTS of people eat chicken and chips with their fingers. It's not a battle I would have chosen to take up with an already grouchy teenager.

The sex/lack of space - you know that's not her fault and not her problem.

Notacluewhatthisis · 18/11/2018 19:05

I think you are mixing the issues.

Women do function on their period. Not all though. And many more get moody as well.

Nothing you have said is anything other than typical teenage behaviour. Annoying and frustrating, but not uncommon. You just keep reminding them to pick their stuff up and clean after themseleves.

You are placing blame on her for all sorts though. And I doubt you would if she was your own.

Your dh was put of sex with you, because he saw her period blood in the loo and her wrappers on the floor?

You don't see your dh much, that's not her fault. You wanted a perfect romantic weekend for your anniversary. You knew it was going to be your weekend with the kids.....so schedule you anniversary weekend on another weekend. Which it was people with kids do, if they don't want their child interrupting their romantic night in.

Surely you knee she was going to sit in the room?

Also (and I would say this if you were her mum) you need to stop assuming you know everything about her and everything she is thinking and feeling. You don't. It's rare that parents do. Most people keep at least some stuff to themseleves, they don't share everything.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 19:13

I am not pissed off with her per say I am more pissed off with DH management of the situation.

After years of expecting my children to behave like saints he allows this.

If my DD has done that in the bathroom I would have let her know it was not acceptable.

If my children were ever taken for a meal out for whatever reason they were expected by me to behave and to be polite and to be grateful that they had been taken out for a meal.

OP posts:

Fuckimdoingaphd · 18/11/2018 19:14

So it's a DH issue, not a DSD issue. He has unrealistic expectations of your DC.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 19:15

Yes. I am pissed off that he doesn’t pull her up.

OP posts:

Fuckimdoingaphd · 18/11/2018 19:17

No. You're pissed off that he expects a different standard from your kids.

Original poster

MrsDylanBlue · 18/11/2018 19:18

I expect the same standards from ALL the kids.

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 18/11/2018 19:19

Well, your expectations are unreasonable and that's why you're unhappy.

You're not coming across as very flexible in your thinking.

Fuckimdoingaphd · 18/11/2018 19:20

That;s not what you said.
And what worked for your kids won't work for his.

TwistedStitch · 18/11/2018 19:21

Omg what is it with Mumsnetters, children can act like little cts because they have a step parent ???

Putting ** in doesn't make what you have just called a child any less disgusting.

Flip

1 2 3 4