I think ExH GF needs to back off! WWYD?

[Beaubeagle]

Back story: ExH and I divorced after 16 years together when I found out he was sleeping with OW.

Him and OW are still together now 4 years on. They haven’t gotten married or engaged but live together and have my DC EOW from Fri evening to Sun evening. No other contact outside these times except some days in school hols.

DS attends a SEN high school. His school have an online app where they will send messages, information and communications etc. I have the app and so does a ExH.

I got a notification a couple of weeks ago, via the app, stating that OW has set up her own login for the app and now has access to my DS’s profile and communications (presumably she was given the login code from ExH). I’m not happy about this at all! She is not a parent and has nothing to do with school. DS’s dad has the app so why does she need her own account?

I got in touch with school last week and they apologised and deleted her account. End of story, or so I thought.

Over the weekend I have had another message from the app showing that OW has once again created an account on my DS’s profile.

Aside from the fact that this OW ended my marriage, so obviously I’m not enamoured with her, she is not my DS’s parent or even a step parent so I don’t understand why she needs or even wants this app! WWY do in this situation? It makes me so angry that she thinks this is ok! I would never step in where I’m not wanted with someone else’s child! It might sound very trivial to some people but it’s really upsetting me and I don’t know where to go from here.,

@Lookatyourwatchnow

I wanted the homework app as DP is not academic

Why aren't they able to do homework without you having the app? How old are they?

and is a bit of a Disney dad who doesn't really make his DC do homework.
That's his failing as a parent.

I've never had to make my DC do homework...they know they have to do it. Do your SC have learning difficulties? Or is there a reason they won't do homework......knowing it's expected of them?

This results in him not doing any homework as neither of his parents use the app or make him do homework.
Poor parenting.

Their problem and their responsibility

Indeed. It's great that you show an interest ... but I wouldn't be happy with a partner incapable of realising the importance of education in this manner.

We just wouldn't get on with such different values in that regard.

This contributes to why children fail succeed in life... crap parents.

@SandyY2K he's perfectly capable of doing his homework without the app, he just doesn't want to do it. And yes, it is poor parenting. And I have told DP this.

@wonderwanpig. I’m so glad to hear of your experience. It must make things so much easier for every, including your DSCs. Hopefully your own children’s SM will come round too.

As an SM, I would not want, need or expect access to my SC’s detailed educational info, unless I had parental responsibility and was very hands on. Even then it would need to be with the blessing of both parents. As a mum, I would feel the same as you do. So you are very understandably unhaPpy, OP. You also don’t sound remotely bitter.

I’d write to the school in strong terms questioning their security measures. I would also speak to your ExH, if you could trust him not to be contrary. Good luck.

How is he privacy being violated. The woman is his step mother. Unpopular opinion bit she obviously cares for your child's well being. Would you rather have her not like your child?

These women can't do wrong for doing right.

I would definitely get back to the school and talk to them about security.
As it's your dh who has breached this, I'm not sure they can stop her from gaining an account if he is giving her the details.
I suppose they'll need to keep deleting until she gets fed up.
Failing this a solicitors letter stating that ow doesn't have parental responsibility so is not legally entitled to access personal data referring to your ds.
I agree, she isn't a step parent, unless he leaves the kids with her.
She still has no PR though, ever.

I must also take offence at ow/ step parents referring to their partners child's mother as birth mother.
What an offensive term to give somebody who actually cares for their own child.
A birth mother is somebody without PR for their own child, usually used to distinguish between an adopted parent and the one's who gave birth.

IMHO and I havebeen on both sides. (As a step-parent & having a horrible step mother my self). She may just be interested in your DS life. I can imagine why your not that keen on her but wouldn't you rather she had a good relationship with you DS than not? She might just be taking an active interest and not anything other than that. Being civil would definitely make it nicer for all involved :D