I’m 40 and 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband is 54 and has two children from his first marriage, a son of 18 and a daughter of 21. He got divorced 6 years ago. My husband is scared about telling his daughter our news.
A bit of background: my stepdaughter is (and my husband agrees she is)spoilt and manipulative...she is not what you would call a “nice girl”. My husband says she has her mother’s genes! Whenever he speaks to her (generally to ask for money) she somehow turns him into a quivering wreck.
I have never had a cross word with my stepdaughter - nor will I ever. I had my own wicked stepmother and would never inflict that on someone else. I make sure I get on with her and always push my husband to spend more quality time with her (without me). Privately, I talk to my husband about her unacceptable behaviour towards me, him and other people and, it must be said, he is very disappointed with how she is turning out generally.
When we are all together I have always felt her relationship with my husband is weird and “false”... she is always hugging him with a vulnerable baby voice and he cuddles up to her...it is all a bit sickly. I asked my husband if they have always been like this and he has admitted she doesn’t really do it when I’m not there.
The big issue now is telling my stepdaughter about the baby. We anticipate a bad reaction.
Incidentally, I have a full sister but when I was 16 and 19, two half-siblings were born...and we could not be closer. They are ALL my brothers and sisters and I adore them all the same. I have therefore been in my stepdaughter’s shoes and am living proof of how well this can all work...it does not have to be bad news...it can be a beautiful thing.
I want to tell my parents and siblings about my pregnancy now but my husband doesn’t want me to tell anyone until his daughter knows (as I said, she makes him so nervous)! He is worried that they won’t keep it a secret (they will) and then she will find out from someone else which would forever damage their relationship. As I said, he seems to panic about her! The problem is she will DEFINITELY tell her mum and then the whole world will know before the 12 week scan. I guess that isn’t so much of a problem and if that’s how it has to be so be it.
But what I’d like to know is if any of you have any advice or tips on how the news should be broken to my stepdaughter. I think we should both tell her, presenting it as positive happy news. He wants to tell her alone so she can have a natural reaction. I think he would only be inviting problems.