Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Surprise children?!

29 replies

MrsSmiththethird · 19/09/2018 12:59

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes .. long time lurker so feel I should also include the mandatory ‘the daily mail are to leave this post alone and if they wish to publish it, it’ll be at a cost of £34,687,654 paid in pound coins’

I’ve been married to DH for 2 years, together for 6 years before that and have a DS. Today he has received a letter in the post from a solicitor, stating that he could potentially have 10 year old twins and would he be willing to take a DNA test to confirm. It would appear that someone he was seeing before we met has had twins and not told him - he swears blind they used condoms throughout their relationship, he re-calls one incident where it split but she was on the pill and took the morning after pill just incase.

He’s contacted the solicitor straight away to say he’ll take the DNA test but then what? The letter goes into brief details about how she raised them alone assuming he wanted no contact as they were no longer together and she’d moved across country but now they were pushing about who their father was, she felt she should get in contact.

I feel like I’ve woken up in Coronation street today!

OP posts:
hamabr86 · 19/09/2018 14:43

I am a 'secret' child myself and the main reason I've never pursued it is the potential disruption to my Dad's life and whatever family he might have. If I had been given the option at 10 though and not just told not to ask because it would upset my step dad I would have jumped at it.

What are you worried is going to happen?

HollyGoLoudly1 · 19/09/2018 14:59

Oh god what a shock that letter must have been Shock

In purely practical terms the answer to 'then what?' will depend on your DP and the twins mother. If he is indeed the father then he will be entitled to pursue some form of access if he wants to, although in a situation like this where they live across the country I have no idea what that would be. The mother will be entitled to pursue him for maintenance if she wants to.

At the heart of this are 2 innocent children so it will need some very sensitive handling, no matter the outcome. Flowers for u, what a mess!

SnuggyBuggy · 19/09/2018 15:04

It's a shitty thing to do, having a baby or babies, keeping it secret, waiting until the person has moved on and then dumping the situation on them.

For the sake of your family I hope he isn't the father.

Sarahtiny · 19/09/2018 17:26

I'd be thinking why she has done this through a solicitor and not via social media or tried to contact him herself? Sounds like she's already trying to take him to the cleaners for maintenance to me. Sorry to be so pessimistic but tread carefully. She'll have all the control in regards to access and twins are expensive. Awful of her to drop this on him after 10 years. Please update and stay strong.

sue51 · 19/09/2018 17:36

Sarahtiny, if she had wanted to pursue him for maintenance and as you put it take him to the cleaners, she could have done it 10 years ago. Is it possible for your husband to talk to this woman directly rather than through solicitors?

CarolDanvers · 19/09/2018 17:37

I'd be thinking why she has done this through a solicitor and not via social media or tried to contact him herself?

Yes because highly sensitive issues like this are defintely best handled through FB. Hmm. Approaching through soliciters is about the best possible way to manage a situation like this and she’s probably doing it now so her kids won’t start looking for him without support now they’re approaching an age where they could get on social media and do it themselves.

youbrokemytwatometer · 19/09/2018 18:58

Sounds like there is a real chance they are his, OP. She's gone through proper channels, suggested the DNA test herself, etc.

It's massive. Life changing. But he's not deceived you in any way or behaved badly towards anyone.

Be as supportive as you can, whatever the outcome and the choices he makes. Good luck.

juneau · 19/09/2018 19:01

Wow - he could be liable for a whole lot of child support + back pay ...

HollowTalk · 19/09/2018 19:04

Why was he using condoms if she was on the pill, OP?

I doubt he would be liable for back child support if she hadn't even told him she was pregnant.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 19/09/2018 19:10

To prevent STIs? Not just to stop pregnancy!

HollyGoLoudly1 · 19/09/2018 19:12

@juneau that's not correct - CMS can only backdate from when a claim is lodged. No claim has been made yet and I dont think could even be made until the DNA test is complete.

jadeywadeyyox · 19/09/2018 19:13

What an awful situation to be in, I'm so sorry!
But what a shit head thing to do on her side!
Have the kids and not tell him, move away and then blame him!!! Ugh what an tw*t!
Best of luck! 😀

TheEmmaDilemma · 19/09/2018 19:25

Get the DNA first.

I'm questioning why now from her side.

juneau · 19/09/2018 19:28

Okay holly, I hope you're right. He could still be in for a lot of child support though. Two 10-year-olds? That's 8 years of CM x2.

I'm guessing the DM has fallen on hard times, but I agree that it's an utterly shitty thing to do - conceal a pregnancy and the birth of two DC for 10 years and then suddenly spring this on the OP's DH.

Original poster
MrsSmiththethird · 19/09/2018 19:35

Ok, I’ll try and reply to everyone in one post.

DH isn’t on any form of social media, ‘not his scene’ in the slightest so there’s no way she could have contacted him that way. The address the solicitors letter went to is actually his Grandads as that’s where he lived when they were together.

DH has however found her using a friend’s social media tonight and exchanged numbers and given her a call - she’s sticking to how she didn’t think he’d want to be involved and that she’s getting in touch now before the boys are starting high school and try and do it themselves. Apparently she’s always been quite open about him and his details so was concerned they’d try and contact him or his family themselves as they’ve both been badgering to be allowed social media.

Condoms were used because they were young and he was sensible with regards to covering every base.. apologies if I’m being rude but I find that a stupid question. If he’d not used them he’d have been lynched for not doing and the ‘what did he expect?’ Army would have been out in full force.

They’ve agreed she’s going to look into somewhere near her for testing and DH will travel to avoid disrupting the twins.

This is now how I expected my day to be!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSmiththethird · 19/09/2018 19:37

With regards to maintenance, DH has contacted CMS this afternoon to find out where he stands; if we had to pay back pay for 10 years x2 we’d be in an extremely large amount of debt. He’s been reassured however that as she’s never opened a case, he doesn’t owe a penny until she does.

One less panic!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSmiththethird · 19/09/2018 19:39

Sorry for the multiple posts - I keep remembering things.

Why would she suggest a DNA test? If I knew who the father of my children was I’d be in touch to say ‘I have a child and you’re the father’ not ‘I have a child, would you like a DNA test incase it’s yours’ or maybe I’m nit picking Sad

OP posts:
Chocolala · 19/09/2018 19:45

A solicitor would likely advise he probably will want proof (and the twins will also want to be sure).

youbrokemytwatometer · 19/09/2018 19:49

If someone turned up after 10 yeas insisting the twins were mine, I'd want a DNA test. She's anticipated that and is cutting out the faff. Makes me think she's genuine.

Magda72 · 19/09/2018 20:06

Personally I think she's behaved appallingly - she has babies, she doesn't tell the father & never gives him a chance to be involved & get to know his kids, all the while being very open with said kids about who their dad is!!!! Then she drops a s**tstorm on this man 10 years later, when it suits her, without any regard for where he may be at in his life!!! Angry
Furthermore I hope she's told her kids the reason they've potentially spent 10 years without knowing their dad is because of HER decisions & not his!

PeachyKeenJellymonster · 19/09/2018 20:31

Oh shit this would blow my mind.

Op how are you coping?

woolduvet · 19/09/2018 20:37

A dna Test is the way to go definitely.
Good news about cm.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 19/09/2018 20:39

Wow I can’t believe someone would be so callous not to meantion it someone they had fathered a child. I would wonder what her motive would be aswell op.

funinthesun18 · 19/09/2018 20:40

God OP, I’m so so sorry Sad
I really feel for you and your DS in all of this because of the potential disruption to your lives the way it is now.

Original poster
MrsSmiththethird · 19/09/2018 21:02

I’m just in shock more than anything; I feel like my world has literally exploded around me.

My DS started school last week; we were just adjusting to everything and now this.

Not sure what to think. I feel like giving her a bit of a slap if I’m entirely honest Sad

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread