School holidays

[Crossroads18]

Hi, I'm new here and would like some advice. My stepkids don't get to stay often but the ex wife has told us she wants us to have them for a week in the summer holidays. We have a 4 year old and also a nearly one year old; my partner probably won't be able to take any time off as he only just had a week off this week whilst the four of us went away and his work are getting very incredibly busy. We obviously didn't know we were going to be having the stepkids for a week. We live a distance away. I am really scared at how this week will go. The stepkids can be a complete handful, and if they can't have what they want or their own way we get tantrums. I know this is children however if I am to be taking all of our kids out on my own and they both act up they are old enough to think to run off etc. But I also don't want them being stuck indoors the whole time. We also can't afford to constantly be out every day as near where we live we have to travel everywhere to get to something fun and car parking etc isn't cheap. A week is a long time on my own trying to look after all our kids, am I right in saying I feel this is unfair and if he can't take some time off (he works 6 day weekS otherwise) that he should maybe reduce the time we have them. Usually our kids would be in nursery however it seems to be that the nursery is closed this same week aswell. My stepkids are very very difficult, and I struggle enough weekends. Any tips or any advice or even fun at home activities that you can recommend. And how would you deal with awakward step kid questions, they always ask me what holidays me, dp and our kids are going on or what days out we have done or why we have this or why we have w new car (needed to get a seven seater) and won't pay their mummy more. Any Advice?

Fun where did I say it was down to OP? They have a dad, remember.

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Flamingshe didn’t say no, she said she wasn’t sure if he could have them for longer

Right and why is that her decision? Shouldn't the schedule be made between them? Not just mum deciding if and when dad van have them?

And dad is working, so who’s left that will facilitate the mum having a break?

And frankly the post about op getting hand me downs from the ez was vicious and unnecessary.

I’d take it all to the charity shop if that was dumped on me.

Flaming it’s not just her decision. That’s why I said he should take her to court

Fun I’m not saying OP should do it, but she should stop making excuses for her partner

He shouldn't have to take her to court though should he?!

Of course he shouldn’t have to. No one should have to go to court to maintain contact with their kids. But what else do you suggest if the OP and her OH think she’s calling all the shots and being awkward?

Luna if it is the same OP, I completely agree. Just making the point** that he does have options.

One is going to court to get set contact, the other is to pin everything on the ex as a way of avoiding his responsibilities.

Really he works 60 hours a week but can't ask to have even 2 or 3 days off when he's got the chance to have them? I don't believe it for one second. Sounds like mum wants a break and their father thinks working is a better deal so you're left picking up his duties.

Poor you and poor kids. By the way don't bother with the pound land toys very much they'll be impressed at their ages. Of course he could bother to pick up the phone and ask them what they'd like to do but sounds like even that would be too much of an effort for him.

You married a guy who already have children therefore you need to accept the fact that the kids are part of him. He should be having them 50% of the school holidays

But greggers it's op being expected to do the childcare. It shouldn't be.

Why not? Op is a sahm, the dp supports her child, that is not his, so why shouldnt she support his children?

The op is a sahm, which allows him to work and pay maintenance for his children. She’s doing enough to support them.

The op is a sahm, which allows him to work and pay maintenance for his children. She’s doing enough to support them

Oh bollocks! He could pay child maintenance regardless of whether OP worked or not! Op could use childcare if she wanted to, she's hardly a fucking saint 😂😂

his two can't swim that well as they have just started lessons Could you find some intensive swimming lessons for them both to fill up each morning then do something after he finishes work each day. Looks really supportive and helps them, gives you a few hours off every day, kills two birds with one stone!

God people are awful on this site sometimes!
OP the acess time is for the father to spend time with the children - that's the point of acess which people seem to forget. I happily cover some days or hours during our acess eg if we have them a full week I will cover two days in a week but I will expect my partner to cover the rest or us to.go.out jointly as they are his children and it's important to them as a family that they see each other.
Also the most important thing here is that you were not asked. I don't mind doing anything including sitting pets for family or providing some childcare but I do expect to be asked if it's okay! With children of different ages it can be cahlalnging to find stuffs everyone will enjoy and it is hard work.

We agree contact for school holidays around 6 mths in advance and it's set in stone as holiday etc are very expensive. Your DH and his ex should be doing this as it would make it easier for him to sort annual leave for times required.

I think your original post asked for stuff you can do at home to keep them entertained. Could you do a treasure hunt around local park and home with cheap prizes like chocolate? Or a BBQ and water fight? Make your own pizza day including making the dough? Tye dying? Ours all love doing this stuff and makes sibling bond which is good. English heritage or national trust is good as membership for families is relatively cheap and there are always activities on at the sites.

Honestly OP it might be easier to suck it up and do it this time but be clear that a calander should be agreed in advance going forward and your DP needs to take time off with them. I assume in the evening after work he will be taking them out or playing/spending time anyway but maybe you could have a few nights off if you find it overwhelming and go out with a friend or something.

I work 20 hours a week, I do as much as o can without it costing us too much in childcare. We have looked at the intensive lessons but our local pool will cost us about £160 per child: it's just not feasible. Thank you for those suggestions of tye dying etc it's things I hadn't actually thought off. There is so brilliant ideas to help fill up the day. I have made it clear that for
The Christmas holidays he will need to take
Some time off and hopefully he will get a court order (I am wearing him down slowly) so we know exactly what we are doing so fingers crossed it will make life easier.

Er because they are not her children? They have 2 parents and op isn't one of them.

Answering the question you asked, and not the bigger one...

A week of intensive swimming lessons as shouldwe suggested is a good shout. They don't cost a fortune, they're often in the mornings, they get you out of the house, and they use up a fair chunk of the day while tiring them out a bit. Though at 12 you would prob need to get the eldest on board.

Trawl local listings for free or nominal fee activities. Eg town centres may put on activities or treasure trails. Council country parks and tourist attractions often have themed craft or treasure hunts for £2 a pop or even free. The key is to find the smaller ones - a local windmill or woodland with a play trail, community farm, library, that kind of thing. Trouble is you need to go looking for them as they don't have the advertising budget of bigger attractions. Schoolchildren bring home magazines full of listings of these things. You could try your local library or council website.

The op and her partner have a joint child together who is only little, hence the op being a sahm. This saves him from ever worrying about taking time off work for childcare and therefore maintenance towards his first children will never be affected. Therefore the op is doing enough to support them as she is doing it indirectly.

I’m all for her supporting him by looking after his children while he works and many stepparents do, but in the op’s case she finds them too difficult. I think going forward he should explore other ways of having his children but not burdening the op as default childcare provider. Maybe putting money aside throughout the year to pay for holiday club in the summer. Or maybe even having the decency to involve her in plans would be a good start...

For practical solutions you might leave it a few days and post in chat with 'looking for some ideas for fun things at home with 4 children (ages 1-12)'. Save everyone microanalysing your family structure.

Another idea for the older two is stop start animation- bunch of Lego, camera, couple of hours.

Cleaning cars for neighbours- earn a few pounds to go shopping in town.

Geocaching as a more hi tech treasure hunt at the park.

People really are awful on this site sometimes.

I'm with you OP. She doesn't work therefore she should be doing the bulk of the childcare. I also agree with you taking holidays without them - yours shouldn't miss out just because his are in school. It's exactly what we plan to do when we have DC. I can't imagine his would enjoy visiting your family anyway tbh! We also have an ex wife who doesn't work, doesnt plan to work and yet expects DP to take unpaid leave to look after DSD - she can sod right off!

Why should she do most the care. Why should he not be an actual parent.
What kind of parent would leave his children behind and go on several family holidays. The type who would go months without seeing them of course.

Curly why shouldnt your dp do equal parenting. So what if she doesnt work. Unless you are paying her a wage for looking after them that has fuck all to do with it.