Here's a debate

[PeppersTheCat]

When DH decides to have his DC for extra days, should he consult you (the stepparent) before making arrangements with his ex?

yes, because we do that about all arrangements. So he says - I'm going to have the kids this weekend, and you say - Ok, no problem, but don't forget we are out for dinner on sat eve.
to which he should say - fine, I'll get a babysitter

Worried about your chocolate OP?

The only thing with the world consult, is that it implies you can say no. I wouldn't like that.

I think it's right that he communicates with you in advance, but more by way of notification and not seeking permission IYSWIM.

His response of "it's none of your business", isn't that of a loving partner.

Added to that he threatens to break up with you.

You might as well break up before he does.

Yes and I’d say consult rather than inform as it’s your house too and you might have plans that would make it tricky. I wouldn’t expect you to say no without a fair reason but if you’ve already got plans or things to do he shouldn’t expect you to change it

If you're expected to look after them then of course he should. And tell the EW no if you aren't willing.

If it means changing established plans he should just tell her no.

You're living in the same house, a radical change from any routine needs to be discussed....so yes of course!

Yes of course he should. It will affect both of you and you deserve to be consulted.

Oh, if I make myself scarce he says I'm antisocial and nasty, and he threatens to split up with me

I think you need to split up with him

No idea who the chocolate poster is, but I have to say that if I was a NRP and my dc wanted to see me that I would jump at the chance and wouldn't want to have to discuss or take permission from my partner.

Yes, I expect to be consulted every single time if it’s out of our set times. We make plans For when she’s not there so sometimes it’s not possible to have her extra if we are already out.

We don’t use paid baby sitters to look after our kids and my step daughter wouldn’t want to be looked after by grandparents so she stays with her mum and her mum finds different babysitters to help her out