Is this reasonable

[Buggeritimgettingup]

Ss has lived with us for 5 years during that time dh has made the 6 hour journey every time for contact (3hours there 3 hours back then the same journey to pick up and return) when ss mum wanted it. No maintenance has ever been paid or offered nor any other contribution by mum though when it was the other way round maintenance was paid at a higher level than the csa plus all school uniform/shoes plus usual other stuff. Sporadic contact sometimes 6 months inbetween. Sometimes every other weekend when we've been a little more pushy as ss had asked for this. Is dh being unreasonable to ask her to meet half way some of the time? The reason ss moved to live with us was due to social services removing due to concerns about general neglect amongst other things though I'm not really sure this is relevant. Prepared for a flaming as I'm only the stepmum

I completely get your point. My feeling though is that this should be more about what is best for your SS than about what is fair.

It is important to him to see his mum. The best thing for him is that you facilitate that despite it not being done fairly. That sounds harsh I know, but I do feel the needs of the child ideally come first, and this often means that one parent has to shoulder more than their fair share of work and expense.

Practically speaking if the mum isn't reliable and has no transport meeting half way could be problematic. If she doesn't turn up SS and dad will be left handing around not knowing where she is and having to go back without a handover- horrible for them both especially SS.

Yes of course halfway, or one journey each would be fair, and it's at least what your OH would be doing if his child lived with the EX! But you know this is not going to happen, unless you get it formalised, so that's what you need to do!

It won't be about what she wants is Social services removed him. It's about her wanting some control in her life or something. Hang on in there

Ignore her mouthing off. She’s never going to gain custody with what you’ve described.

Do what is best for you, SS and DP. Your unit. His mother is a chaotic and unreliable factor in his life and it is not up to you to facilitate her. You can make SS available for contact, you don’t have to do it. Half way, or not at all, and not when she feels like it!

I used to do all the drop offs and pick ups, and I’m RP, what a mug I was! Don’t be like me.

I doubt you will hear from a solicitor but I'm sure you know that. It's completely unfair for your H to do all of the driving but in this situation it's probably best for your SS that he continues to do so. If contact is not arranged in advance and at least with consideration for the fact that these sporadic requests cannot always be met because you have your own lives to get on with, then this is what I would be pushing for. Planned and regular contact. Probably not as often as she sometimes asks for but not allowing for her to fuck off and forget about her son for months when it suits. So monthly contact, or something like that.

Oh and all contact discussion to happen via email.