How can my partner get parental responsibility over my children?

[Nikki2ol6]

Me and my ex had 3 children together and we broke up a year ago and Iv been living with someone else since and we are expecting a baby together. My 3 children were seeing their father on a regular basis but he passed away last year unexpectedly. I now realise if anything ever happens to me that my 3 children would most certainly get removed from my partner has he does not have parental responsibility over them... how do I apply for him to have parental responsibility?

Your poor kids! A split, living with a new guy, a new sibling, then a dead dad! What a year they’ve had. Maybe your new partner isn’t actually the best person for them if you pass away? They’ve only known him a year!

I think this Gov website will be able to help you out:

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/apply-for-parental-responsibility

But, it is worth considering that you and they have only known your new partner for less than a year. Would you definitely want them to remain with him, rather than a relative of yours?

Ah, reading the detail of the form for a step parent, you need to be married for this to apply.

You could appoint him as a guardian by writing a will and specifying him:

www.makingawill.org.uk/text-appointing-guardians-page-132.html

I don't imagine social services remove children from the surviving partner of their parents automatically, unless there's another reason (in which case they'd be involved anyway).

What do you family make of it all?

It's easy and quick enough to apply to share PR with him, in your circumstances, if you get married.

Make sure the relationship is right for you - and for your children- first though. It has far bigger implications than just guardianship if you were to die.

In the meantime you could make a will and talk through options with your children for who would be their guardian if anything happened to you. This is really important for children who have lost a parent, who often have worries about the same thing happening to surviving parent, and what will happen to them.

Is he happy to be financially responsible for your three children forevermore ?

What if you were to die and he remarries-that’s quite a commitment for him to raise your children if you’ve only known him one year?

I think personally I'd get married first then have him apply for parental responsibility but only if he understands that by doing so he would owe you child maintenance on all of the children should you split. You can name whomever you like as a guardian in a will. I think that might be the easiest way forward rather than having him apply for PR which comes with a greater burden of responsibility.

And yes, what Appuskidu says. Not just the financial side but all the other aspects.

You've lived together a matter of months; how can you possibly know that he would be the best person for the job?

Your poor kids 🙁

Your kids have had an awful year. You haven’t known this man long enough to decide this. Wait a while, get married and then look into it.

Fucking hell, let's hope that should something happen to you your children are looked after by a relative who has known them more than five minutes!

I’ve known this man a lot longer than a year obviously I’m just saying we have been together 1 year. He has children of his own from a previous marriage and is a great dad to them and to my children. It just worries me if something happens to me what would happen to my children. We are engaged but not yet married. My family like this man but my family all have young children of their own

And he has children of his own too. What makes him more qualified,willing and able to look for your kids than them?
Does he even want to do it?

The fact he has children of his own makes it even more of an ask. You need to discuss this with him, and with your family.

I wouldn’t rush into things just yet, I think the shock of your ex dying makes you realise our own mortality, that been said they had such a change in their lives their dp split new partner and new sibling on the way. I wouldn’t rush things just yet to legalise things, atleast leave it for a couple of years until you know each other more.

Gosh. No real advice I’m afraid. But it’s interesting how down on the op some people seem to be. I do understand that given op and her partner have only been in a relationship for a year. But, the new baby would presumably stay with its father should anything happen to the op and I can completely understand the desire to have all my children stay together. I’d feel incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of that baby staying in one place, and the other 3 potentially going to live with grandparents or my siblings. But also completely agree it needs to be given some considered thinking.

My guess is that he was the OM into the bargain?

If I were a family member I would fight tooth and nail to prevent someone who had just walked into my family member’s lives and thought it appropriate to start a new family with someone the instant their father was out of the picture.

Someone who moves straight in with someone else from the moment they split from an ex, start a new family with them and then want parental responsibility asap is a shit parent and you should want better for your children.

Marry him? Doesn't seem the best reason though.

In fact your priority for your children should be getting them some therapy to deal with A, the split from their father, B, their father’s death, and C, having had a new family foisted on them probably before they’d even moved out of their father’s house but if not soon after.

If in fact this man was the OM your children may in fact grow to resent him for the part he played in your split from their father and may even on some levels hold him responsible for their father’s death - even if he wasn’t.

You need to start putting your children first, and making a man who essentially walked straight into their father’s shoes responsible for them is by far not the way to do so.

Well said Chaos.