His ex is trying to move away with his child. Is there anything he can do?

[EvadneBadne]

Long story short. My partner has a child with his ex. They split up as she was cheating on him whilst he was in the military. His child was a toddler at the time. They haven't been together for years, and his child is now nearly 7. She adores him, they're attached at the hip, he pays his child maintenance without fail, and basically revolves his life around his daughter (which is one of the things I love about him). He's recently found out that his ex is thinking about moving away over 250 miles with his daughter and new boyfriend. My partner is heartbroken and a complete mess as his daughter is his works. It's like his world has been pulled from under him.

What are people's opinions on this? And is there anything at all he can do to prevent this from happening? I understand that adults want to move around and try new places, but is it really the best thing to take a daughter so far away from their parent?

Confused, lost, have no control over this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry, our posts keep on crossing. Best wishes.

Forgetting all the good terms and conditions of your job, is the actual job you do moveable? Even if it meant doing an entry level role or having to travel further or having less favourable terms and conditions short to medium term?

What if your partner said he was going to move with or without you? Could a move work? (Aside from the obvious problem of forcing you but you know what I mean!). A real plus of moving is siblings would get to grow up together.

A final thought - how long has she been in this relationship and is she moving further away from or closer to family support?

@ohreallyohreallyoh hi. I work in law enforcement and our team is in this city. We only have teams in big cities. Nothing rural. I would have to change careers.

I don't think he would move without me. I would happily move closer to his ex but would struggle to move to the are. I am desperate for my baby to have their sister around. It's how it should be.

I think she's been with him a couple of years. They seem pretty happy and are serious about each other. I actually have no issues with either of them and his ex has always been nice to me (hence me trying to see things from both sides).

Most of her family are here. All of his family is here. None where they are moving.

Going out of my mind here...

We moved 250 miles away to improve lifestyle. It is a very long way and in 5 years time I doubt his DD will want to come most school hols anymore and it is too far for a weekend

I would "fight" it, preferably on a more amicable way such as it's too far - somewhere 2 hours by train pretty much door to door is so much more doable.

Hi @RandomMess

Thanks for your input. He is going to try and fight it, I think any parent, mother or father would do the same thing. It's hard being in the middle and can only imagine what is going on in his head. What a confusing time. I'm only a few weeks pregnant and am anxiety central! I can only hope it works out ok for all of us.

Is there any chance her DM would allow him to be the resident parent and she has their DD on half terms/holidays?

DD probably won't want to leave her friends/school/extended family/home and if you are able to have her, maybe it would work?

@whatsagoodusername no chance she would ever agree but we would have her with us in a heartbeat!

Solicitor here.
Google "leave to remove internal relocation". You will find the reported cases on moving within the country (as opposed to abroad).
She may win but the court would look at reasons for moving and weigh them up against stopping a move. Mother needs to demonstrate sound reasons for moving, not just a whim.
The more active the father and the greater the loss to the child of that involvement, the better. The court would consider the loss to the child of other family relationships (you said all the family live close to where you are now - does that include her new partner's?).

At 7 the child's wishes are relevant but not crucial. You would expect the relevant adults to be interviewed by a CAFCASS person (whose role is to report to the court and make recommendations).

How does residency now work? Who is the resident parent?
Your other option is for him to go to court to obtain residency .

Good luck. Shitty, selfish exes are the pits.

meant to say CAFCASS would also interview the child

Hi @shallichangemyname

Thanks very much for your answer. My gut feeling is that she will win. I think that just tends to be the way it goes.

Do you know if the fact that I'm pregnant with her sibling would have any impact? It's quite upsetting knowing that they may not grow up together..

@piratequeenio thanks for your answer. It really is shit isn't it. I am being made to feel selfish for considering my job and my baby. He is made to feel like a bad father because he won't be around, even though he is desperate to be. Our baby will grow out barely knowing their sister. Her family will barely see her. It's just a terrible situation that I feel won't go our way.

Yes the sibling relationship will be an important factor. As will the current arrangement where she spends 5 evenings/nights a week with Dad. Incidentally why does she not stay over on school nights? What time does she go home? How close does mum live to dad?
I take it there is no formal residence or shared residence or contact order?

@shallichangemyname they are currently in the process of mediation but ex is delaying things a little. Not sure of the reasons.

They live 10 minutes apart from each other. Not far at all. He wants her to stay overnight but she is only allowed to do so when his ex needs her to. Otherwise she argues that she can't have proper routine when she stays at two different houses in the week. I don't really understand this..

Not sure why people are so keen to suggest Op try be flexible with her career and move, there is no way I'd do that in this situation. For one thing whose to say you move all that way, lose the career you have worked hard for, lose your familiar surroundings and support next work you have built and the his Ex decides to move again. Or you move there and all that upheaval and sacrifice puts strains on your own relationship.

No suggestions really op, but wish you all the best

@shallichangemyname also, she gets picked up at 4:30/5 ish, and when I finish early I pick her up from school. She goes home at about 7 leaving enough time for her to get ready for bed at her mums house.

@LascellesMoustache thank you. I really needed to hear that. I just want what is best for everyone. I care deeply about his daughter, but the baby I have growing inside me, the one person I have control over how they are raised is my number 1. I don't know how anyone could blame me for that. Selfishly, part of me would resent moving away for his daughter to have the best life and for my child to not have the life I worked so hard to give them. Surely I have a small say in this? I just don't know what to do. Thanks again.

I'm sorry you're in this predicament OP. Maybe when your own child is here, you'll realise how heart wrenching it is to be away from them. I can understand how hard you've worked towards your career. I don't believe a career or partner should come before a child though, that's my opinion

Why is it the o/p who has to “realise”’all this.

The ex already has her own child. She should “realise” how heart wrenching it is to be away from her child, and she should not be putting moving to be with a new partner above the needs of her own child.

Double standards. Plus the child thay already exists will be moved away from her school, friends and family.

My older brother and his partner moved hundreds of miles away with her daughters from her first marriage. It was a really shitty thing to do I think.

The ex husband fought it. Brother fought back. They each spent nearly twenty grand on barristers. Anyway the upshot was that either brother or partner has to do half the driving, and it's a lot of driving, and the girls go away a lot to their dad's in the holidays.

All so his partner could have stabling and a field for a couple of horses 'in the country' ffs. So selfish.

@reallyanotherone I tried not to get annoyed at that comment as nobody likes being patronised. I feel like I'm being backed in to a corner. It's a nightmare.

Thanks for your input.

Doesn't the court ask the child? I know of a family where the oldest didn't want to move with the mother, new partner and their kids and the court said the oldest boy could stay in the area and was to live with his father. Prior to this he'd been with the mother and new husband all his life.

@LaurenOfArabia rubbish isn't it. Sorry to hear about your family's upheaval.

@clarevoyent potentially. However in this situation, where the child is close to both of her parents, I'm not sure it would be fair to ask her to choose. Maybe to ask how she would feel about being away from here Dad, yes. We will get to that if this does go as far as court...

Not all but all their life after the divorce. In other words, the mother had residency and lost it when she wanted to move away from where the child's father, school, friends, other relatives where

I didn't think it fair to ask this child but the judge did. The child didn't like the mother's new partner, tho.