First time step mum! Help.

[Anonymous91]

I feel so bad/immature/useless writing this but I’m in desperate need of advice or tips. I have been with my partner nearly a year and he has 2 beautiful children, boy age 1 and girl age 6. I also have a son aged 7. We all new eachother years ago when he was still with his wife (i had nothing to do with there separation nor was I around or in their lives at that time). Right now he has day-to-day care of his children but the custody battle is very very messy. Him and his ex wife do not communicate and she has recently got supervised visitation 3 times a week and also 10minuyes twice a week to visit there daughter at school (which I do not agree with as it’s not helping the situation with there daughters struggles at school) anyway I thought for a long while that I/we were making progress. We were all building really good relationships and my partner and I had been building really good foundations but recently things have changed drastically. His daughter is blatantly disrespecting me, will compare me to her mother, tell her father how much she doesn’t want to be here and she will constantly talk about her mother while her father isn’t around and bring up memories that she has of her father and mother (she uses this as a way to disrespect as she knows that this behaviour is not allowed). I’m getting to a point of confusion and I am just lost as to what to do. I am trying everything I know to try. It is very difficult because of the custody battle I feel like I’m walking on egg shells atm. Her mother doesn’t help the situation as she is mentally unstable but I don’t and never have spoken an ill word about her to her daughter. My partner is good at disciplining in a gentle but stern way, he balances things well and he is doing everything right by his children, myself and my son but I feel frustration always towards his daughter and I’m worried I could effect this relationship even more if I do not learn how to deal with all of the situations and problems we are dealing with atm. And in the mean time my son gets less attention because we are/have been concentrating on helping my SD. Help before I lose my mind? How do I cope and does anybody have any tips? (I love my SD to bits but I am struggling).

I think you have had some very harsh replies the 1 year old could be nearly 2 and if they split during pregnancy then they could have been split over a year before you were on the scene. Also there is a reason your partner has custody and the mum has supervised access, yes some abusive men manage to twist things but there are many women who for reasons we do not know are not capable of looking after their children.
I do agree with some of what has been said though, the 6 yr old needs to be allowed to talk about her mum whenever she wants, she is not doing this to be mean to you at all. All you can do is ensure she is getting any help she needs are social services involved at all? Pull her up as you would any child on manners but with everything else she has going on you are going to need to be patient. If you are patient and love her the rest will fall into place as everything settles down

Do you all live together?

I understand why you don't want to hear about your partner's ex but dsd isn't speaking about her to be manipulative. When you do motherly stuff like cook, it is natural for her to wish that her mum was doing it rather than you. It's not because you're doing anything wrong per se, it's just that you're not her mum and dsd probably misses her every day. With Mother's Day being on Sunday, she is probably missing her even more.
The rule about not talking about her mum is super unfair. If you want to bond with dsd then you need to understand that she will worship her mother.

The mental instability - is it PND or is she on drugs?