How long did your stepkids...

[HootenannyHouse]

Continue EOW once they were teens? DSD is now 15 and still comes with DSD2 who is 11 EOW but I suppose I wonder for how long it might continue. DH and I have had two more young children together who adore their older sisters but I'm aware the oldest ones find them increasingly annoying and have to share a room at our house. We have contemplated moving so they wouldn't have to share a room but it would mean leaving London and everything we know. Is this madness at this stage?

DSS is 18 and DSD is 16 and we're still doing EOW - sometimes one will skip a week as they have a party or something. But they have their own rooms here. They also do at their mums but it's a bit more chaotic there so I think they find it easier to study here.
DSS will be off to uni after the summer - so we'll stop then but I guess he will just be welcome to come whenever he wants from that point.

Oh sorry I forgot to say...

We also have a DD together and we did move so that everyone could have their own room three years ago... it was the right decision in the end BUT we had already made the move out of London so we didn't have that wrench to contend with. We'd moved from London to Cambridge and now live in Essex - I commute to London for work. It's a tough commute but worth it as we adore where we live.

What is EOW?

In our case the routines changed pretty soon after my stepchildren went to secondary school. Their own friends became more important and, of course, they didn't need to have adults constantly supervising them.

As far as I remember - it's a while back - my stepdaughter liked the routine of a regular after school visit. They would also come on regular holidays with us.

But these things are quite variable.

It might be significant that my stepchildren lived nearby so it was easy to walk round and drop in. There was no need for chauffeuring or long journeys by public transport.

DSS came to live here for 6 months last year but since then we have seen him a handful of times. He keeps in touch with his dad but never sleeps here anymore. He's said himself its coz, while we aren't a million miles away (20 minutes by car) its to far for him to just go out with his mates as and when he wants like he does at his mums. We would obviously love him to come more but its his choice, he's almost 15

Every Other Weekend

We never did the EOW but when we got married kids moved in with us permanently. Never spent overnights with their mother after that . She d spent a long time telling them she could nt afford to feed them .

Mine come every weekend and have kept it up through their teens, with the odd bit of flex to fit in with social lives. Elder ones are now at uni and still fit roughly into the routine with the younger ones during holidays. We live locally.

My own DC still do EOW at their dad's currently, sharing a room. But he's just moved his 6 year old into the room too so I think things may change as DD (14) is unhappy about it. DS (18) is fine about it though and wants to keep the routine.

Personally I wouldn’t move house for this reason. It would be a big upheaval for everyone, and it’s not the end of the world for your two DSDs to share a room for two nights eow. Can you think of other ways to make things easier for them?

Maybe have a chat with them and say you know it’s not ideal, is there anything you can do to improve things?

Well, ours kept roughly to the same patterns during holidays while they were at Uni...
You're always going to need to accommodate all your children at some point.
I can't really see the problem with sharing a room.

I did EOW until I no longer wanted to go. So, up until around 14.

I was wondering the same but unfortunately DSS 18 and DSD 14 still come five nights a fortnight which includes EOW. As DSS is a class a baby I imagine this will continue forever. I seriously want out.

My step kids trailed off, following the oldest who at 20 stopped coming EOW. However this meant that the youngest at 14 also didn’t want to come as it made her feel like she was being treated as a youngster...

And DP has missed out on the younger teens, then blamed me for it! Then himself... honestly it’s been a pickle since then. I’d almost want to go back to it. Well maybe not...

Do all 4 children have to share one bedroom? If so, then, actually I would say that is less than ideal and you should expect that they will keep coming to stay as they get older. Why wouldn't they?
My SC's are in their 20's but still stay with us, one is living in another city and the other is doing post grad study. But they come and visit, us and their little sister (my DD)

No, they don't all share. We have a four bed house. The smallest box room is an office. The stepkids share the biggest of the remaining bedrooms. DS has his own room as does DD. I spent a small fortune decorating their bedroom but DSD2 had much stronger opinions which prevailed as DSD1 simply said she didn't care at the time. Now she says she feels like it isn't her room. I've offered to get some new things so she feels s bit more like it's hers but she isn't forthcoming with any ideas. I think they would be happier with their own rooms but it would mean moving and with their ages I'm just wondering if that's wise. I don't want to buy a big house and find they are coming less and less. What we have now is by no means small especially by London standards but more space would be nice. The DSDs love where we live in london because their is lots for them to do. They can walk to the shops by themselves etc. It's quite easy for us to all split up if we want to for a day and to easily get to different activities. The kids all have fairly big age gaps so finding things everyone wants to do can be tricky. If we move we would lose that.

It seems like quite a lot of you had stepkids who continued visiting regularly even past the teen years. I appreciate everyone's perspective.

Is there any way you can segregate the shared DSD's room? Curtain or move the furniture so they have their own areas?
We've been v fortunate with how well our blended family turned out, I think our kids all get on well and are happy to come and stay. The SC's Mum lives locally and we all get on fine. DH called in at Xmas to see his exMIL with our DD and her older sister.

DS stopped doing the EOW and one night during the week to his Dads when he was about 15, he used to go weeks without going over and then go for a week. But his dad only lives 5 minutes walk away so it was no hassle for him where ever he was. Now he is at uni when he is home he just turns up at either house when he feels like it, sometimes after a late night out.

DD however at 17 still keeps to the routine, apart from during the school holidays when she wants stay at home.

DSS who i would rather stopped coming over has increased the amount of time he spends here.

They all have their own bedrooms.