How can we involve DSD in moving house?

[SarahH12]

DP and I are looking at buying a house. We think we've found the perfect one and want to put an offer on. So far all our house viewings have been when she's been with her mum as we didn't want to drag her here there and everywhere.

Last time we moved DSD felt very unsettled for a while. We only moved as our previous LL was selling the house so we had no choice and it was all a bit quick. How can we involve DSD more this time around and help her feel more settled?

Can you take her with you on another visit to have a look? It's common enough to go for a second visit on a house you're serious about.

Have you decided which room she'll have? Or could you let her choose? Even if you've decided which, you can give her a say in how to decorate it. Also maybe in the garden (if it has one).

Take her to show her the house youve decided on. Do not give her a say / opinion on the house itself! The last thing you want is a step child saying they dont like the house. Then what?

Once you’ve put an offer in and it’s a bit more certain I’d take her to look or if you can’t then show her pictures, show her which room will be hers, ask how she wants it decorated, talk about how you might decorate other rooms, talk about how you’ll all eat dinner in this room, watch telly here etc.

Also, does she have a doll's house? When my DD was 8 and excited about moving in with DH she spent a long while arranging her doll's house into how she imagined the new house would be. Gave lots of opportunities to discuss how it would be in practice with her

Definitely let her decide how her room’s going to be decorated.

Take her out shopping and let her help you pick things like ornaments, cushion or crockery ( just little things but enough to let her feel like she’s had a say)

Maybe let her draw pictures or take photos to put up on the fridge

If you’re painting and she’s old enough, get her to help.

Thanks all for your input. We definitely want her to decide how to decorate it. I think we'd get her involved in the actual decorating too. She's almost 6 so i think that's old enough.

C0unt we wouldn't give her a say on the house itself. I agree, that'd be crazy. But I do want to help her feel as settled and comfortable as possible.

We've sort of decided which room to give her. It's between two so perhaps we could give her the option.

She doesn't have a dolls house but that's a fantastic suggestion for Christmas doesn't help us right now but thanks for the idea.

She does not get to decide on what house you buy!

• but she is entitled to an opinion - to not let her express what she thinks would not be great.

The rest of the advice is great - you can direct her opinions on her room and things she can like but let her be critical if the carpet or the colour in a room is bad - there will be one!

Who said she did life I agreed above that would be ludicrous.

She's more than welcome to an opinion. Hopefully it'll be a positive one overall but if not then we can work with her to help her work through anything she sees as an issue.

We're going to take her shopping for paint and eventually we'll replace the carpet in her bedroom too so she'll get a choice in that too.

It'll be so nice actually being able to decorate rooms the way we want!