Did you take DSC on honeymoon?

[sadandanxious]

Just that really. If you did / didn't what were your reasons?

I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to exclude their child from their own wedding. What if he does the same next time to the children you have with him?

@bastardkitty the next time....?

My exh got married abroad and didn't include the children. They were really upset that he hadn't included them. He did hold a big party when they were back and got the kids involved with special outfits / flowers etc but they still didn't feel like they were part of his new family.

My DD had made me promise that they will be there if I ever get married again.

If its just about the 2 of you I don't see why SC should hava a priority before say parents. I would never include SC in a honeymoon but I would never include my child either. Honeymoon in about you as a couple not about a family.

Wedding itself is more tricky but again..if nobody gets an invite there is no reason to make it all about the SC as its not..its about the 2 of you.

But it's not just about the two of you. While she is a child, her father's marriage is of pretty huge significance in her life.

I think that she needs to be at whichever ceremony is the one with emotional significance to you. If you feel properly married after the ceremony abroad, she needs to be there. If that's just a technical legal thing and you feel properly married after the blessing then she needs to be at that one.

From the way you've been writing it, it sounds as though the ceremony abroad is the one that's meaningful to you, and the rest is to please other people.

I would book the blessing and party and tell your DSD about that.

Don’t mention the wedding abroad and the honeymoon to your DSD and then as far as she’s concerned, it’s a holiday for you both.

Yeah just lie to the children and hope that no one tells them when the wedding pics are on social media

bastardkitty

I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to exclude their child from their own wedding. What if he does the same next time to the children you have with him?

Why would you assume there's going to be a next time? That's pessimistic. But... If there was I'd have no problem him leaving our DC behind (if we had any).

To us both the wedding isn't about family. It's not even about the wedding. It's about the two of us making a commitment to one another. I guess different people have different views about what a marriage should actually be about.

What are you going to be doing that makes you want to exclude her?

heateallthebuns - Umm having a honeymoon... you know that adult thing where you have lots of adult related fun with no children to worry about (and no I don't just mean sex).

TheNewMrs
You're essentially marrying into her and your fiancés family, and she should be involved

Umm.. No.. Im not. DSD is already part of my family and the marriage is about DP and I, nobody else. DSD is my family but the rest of her family (mum, GP's on mum's side etc) are nothing to do with me.

Some people see marriage as joining together of two families and some people (DP and I) see it as the two of us personally making a commitment to one another.

As I think I said on my previous thread, his family are a bunch of raging, aggressive alcohols who he has nothing to do with the rest of the time. My family, well... my dad uses his fists more than he does his words and both my mum and dad are homophobic, racist and really not very nice people a lot of the time who feel they're entitled to an opinion on everything and an opinion that God forbid you question it. They don't have a right to stress us out over something so personal.

So no, I don't see it as marrying into somebody else's family. But each to their own.

My DS was left behind with my DM for our honeymoon. Subsequently SD wasn't included either. Best decision ever.

The wedding - was very private, just formallities and dinner with few closest ppl. Both children were there but if we were marrying abroad (we considered it but decided against due to cost and paperwork) they wouldn't have.

I wouldn't have got married without my (and DH's) dd, so I would never exclude dsds either. Dsds live with us so we wouldn't really have been able to keep it a secret. As it happens dsds had to miss their mum's wedding and dsd1 said she didn't want to miss her dad's so I'm glad we did. The children were all bridemaids and had a great time.

Our family would be more pissed off than upset. We don't get along well with them and really don't want the stress of their involvement, hence wanting to elope.
Then do it. In the end, you are entitled to do what you want for your wedding and if both of you are happy to exclude family, then that's your choice.

As for SD, it's tricky, but I think ok as long as you explain it in a way she can understand when you are back and then doing something special with her. Maybe you could recreate it at home between just the three of you, something that she would find amusing. Not easy as you can still do pretend when they are 4 or 5yo, it gets harder when they are 7.

My dad tried to the exact thing and I still haven't really forgiven him (although I was in my early teens) if I wasn't good enough to be at the actual wedding I sure as hell didn't want to be at the second part.

Confuse, was only him and your SM at the wedding and was it abroad?

I think it is very different to have a 'secret' wedding with a few (or not) people, in your hometown, and excluding your children and doing what OP is considering because of family issues.

Unless your Dad only excluded you and nobody else then that's a pretty pathetic entitled attitude confused.

Sorry should've clarified, if he excluded everybody including you that's very different to what swing said. I can understand you being upset if others were invited, however small the wedding. But if it was just him and SM abroad then your attitude is pathetic and entitled.

If you don't feel it's unreasonable and want your wedding to only be the two of you then go ahead. Why you need the agreement or permission from a host of Internet strangers is beyond me, especially if you're then going to argue your point with anyone telling you that they think you're wrong. Get on with it and enjoy your day.

I would have a small eloping wedding in this country, with your Sdd as bridesmaid and two strangers as witnesses, and then go on honeymoon as a couple.

But you seem to have made your minds up whatever anyone says.

Nope. Her mum got married the same year so it was very easy to come to an agreement that we had DSD whilst her mum was honeymooning and she would have her whilst we were. But we also both got narried during term time so wouldnt have been able to anyway.

Weddings are such a dividing topic! Given what you've said about both of your families, I can't blame you for wanting to have a private wedding. It sounds like you're very concerned about how your DSD would feel...how do you think she will take it?

He lives with us but we probably won't take DSS unless we feel we need to take as yet unborn child. In which case it'll be a family holiday. Otherwise he'll go to the grandparents for the week.

Confused is allowed to feel however she feels about being excluded from her Dad’s wedding.* Just because it doesn’t suit your own agenda doesn’t make her pathetic and entitled! You asked and she has answered from the perspective of of the DSD.* If it were your DD rather than DSD would you still exclude her (assuming someone else were able to look after her)?

I think you're making it more difficult for yourself than it needs to be. Have the church blessing first - like really - get married. Then go on a honeymoon.
Whatever problems you're trying to avoid will only be there for your church blessing anyway, whether that's before or after you go away.

You can surely get married here, in secret, with DSD, then go on honeymoon alone?

If it were your DD rather than DSD would you still exclude her (assuming someone else were able to look after her)?

Yes, of course I would "exclude" her. Although I don't see it as excluding, just using your words.

Confused is allowed to feel however she feels about being excluded from her Dad’s wedding.

^^ of course she is, but I'm equally allowed to feel it's entitled and pathetic.

Have the church blessing first - like really - get married. Then go on a honeymoon.

Or... We could will not