Did you take DSC on honeymoon?

[sadandanxious]

Just that really. If you did / didn't what were your reasons?

We took my DS’s aged 13 months, 14 and 16, and my two DSD’s aged 10 and 12. Plus our 4 month old DGD as we were caring for her at the time (long story and fortunately resolved!). I personally don’t feel like I had a honeymoon at all. No one else would help us out though and we could t justify the cost on just us.

We went to the USA and got married when dsd was 7, we had thought about a wedding here but dad's mum was being a cow and threatening to not allow dsd to attend (no reason why, she just wanted to be a nuisance), MIL was being a cow about wedding planning, DHs brother was being a pain, and in the end it was easier to bugger off to Vegas and just get married. Just the two of us. We spoke to dsd beforehand and asked her if she minded not being there & she couldn't give a toss. I think adults put far more importance on weddings than children do.
We celebrated with her when we returned and it was all fine.
If I were you I'd go for it. Explain the situation to your dsd, make it clear that you're not excluding her and you will celebrate when you return. It's not like you're taking loads of people and not her, if no one else is going I can't see why your dsd would be upset.

How would she react if you told her that was your intention? If she'd shrug her shoulders and say sincerely that she wouldn't be bothered but get excited with the idea of a reception when you are back, do it. If however she falls into tears, say she would love to be there and will miss you, then I would think twice.

I would have liked to have done this when dss was young but didn't because I didnt think it would be something I'd do to my own kids.

If you are making a Thing of the blessing and meal when you get home, I would present that to your DSD as the wedding.

Given no one else will be at the actual ceremony, I don't see a problem with her not being there really.

We had a small wedding away with just us DSC and immediate family. It was a couple of hours from home and we had them with us the night before and the night of the wedding then took them back the day after and went away for honeymoon on our own.

They were very excited about being in the wedding and we made it more weddingy for them. Special outfits, jobs like holding flowers and looking after the rings. They were 7 at the time. They often talk about it as "our wedding", as in all of ours, not just DHs and mine. They sometimes put their outfits on again and tell stories about things that happened.

It really was a tiny unfaffy thing. Second marriage for both of us, done on a shoe string. It was in a place that's special for us and the lack of other guests and palaver saved us a lot of effort and hassle. We weren't sure how bothered they'd be but it meant a huge amount to them to be part of it.

All of that stuff is possible with your blessing. Have her as a bridesmaid if she wants a lovely dress. Take lots of photos and have a special meal. If she's on board and you're all happy with the plan then go for it and have the other bit of your wedding/honeymoon abroad and ditch the hassle.

I think she’d probably love the dress and excitement, and to be central to the day and photos. So if you can do that and still honeymoon by yourselves then fine.

We can't really ask her as the whole point of eloping is so we don't have the stress of family. There's no way DSD would keep it to herself, you can't expect a 7 year old to. My family would kick up a stink if they knew we were eloping. I don't want to go into our reasons too much here as I did that on my previous thread. But we'd rather leave the shit storm until we get back.

We'd definitely big up the blessing, proper dress for DSD, her being central for a lot of it etc.

We're also making a huge effort to take her away abroad before and after the wedding / honeymoon so she doesn't feel left out.

Definitely not! Honeymoons are for newly weds not children!

Of course it's ok!

And all these people saying you "must" take your DSD with you can snore off. Your wedding your choice. You're being considerate and involving her in your celebrations after. That's fine. All too often we make our whole lives revolve around the stepkids. Don't... set yourself free.... have the wedding you and DP want. Enjoy 💐💐

We considered getting married Just my DH and I however we chose not because of my DSS. I would never ever have got married without him being a part of it. He’s a huge part of my life and my DH and now my DS.
Ask the question would you leave your own DC behind to go get married, If the answer is yes then well that answers it really but if no then you should for your DSD

If I were to marry again I wouldn’t be able to do it without my son, it’s about becoming a family and excluding her means she isn’t part of that.

At 7 she will have a great understanding and will likely be very sad to have missed it.

At the end of the day though I would say it’s really up to her dad, how does he feel about leaving her out?

I don't think you need to take her if its just the two of you, wedding or not.

Her Dad was the one who suggested not taking her. Of course she is part of our family, why else would she be centre stage for the church blessing etc.

There are two reasons why I want a church blessing; 1 because we're Christian but 2 because we can make a bigger deal of it with DSD.

It's not about intentionally excluding her. But about if we're going to elope we may as well make it fun by going somewhere far away and combining the honeymoon.

I think she would only be sad if the adults around her made her feel that way. We're not going to make a big deal of the part of the wedding that was abroad. We will explain that we did the legal (aka boring from a child's perspective) bit abroad but that we want to celebrate with her as she is the main part of our family now.

I'm sitting on the fence for this one. A honeymoon for just the two of you is fine. Normally, I would say that leaving a stepchild out of a wedding is a big no-no. It's creating a new family without including the child. But if the blessing is all about family and celebrating the new family relationships and she is being welcomed into your new marriage then, I think it's ok, unless you have reason to believe that she would be upset (and suspecting that family might use her to stir up bad feeling certainly counts as having a reason to believe this).

Broomstick I completely agree with you. If we were getting married over here we would never dream of discluding her. Alongside DP she is the most important person in my family.

With regards to other family causing trouble. We would speak to family after speaking to DSD but not when she's with us. That way anybody who seems like they will try upsetting her or making her feel uncomfortable or discluded in anyway won't be invited to the blessing or reception.

It's unreasonable for the reasons other posters have already said. A wedding is creating a family. She needs to be a part of that.

Personally, I am struggling to understand the reason behind eloping secretly to then still having a blessing and meal back at home. That time when you are officially saying yes to each other and committing to each other for life is a one in a life time event. I would find strange to be looking in my husband to be eyes with all the intensity of what they will be telling him, and then recreating this again a few weeks later.

I would also be worried that family/friends wouldn't be as much into it knowing the official ceremony has already taken place, but that we have chosen to exclude them from it.

Saying that, we are all different and as long as you are excluding everyone, then I can't see how she could be any more upset than anyone else, which hopefully will mean not at all.

I had no idea that my then 10yo ds2 felt like this, but it came to light after DH (his stepdad) died that ds2 thought of the wedding as "our" (including him) wedding not "mum & John's" wedding.

We'd briefly considered marrying abroad but both of us wanted our children at the ceremony.

It's absolutely not okay

I see what you mean swing. I don't know really re doing something when we get back. I guess it's the done thing? But the more I think about it, the more I feel we're just delaying the shit storm.

The church blessing was because I don't know if you can have a church wedding abroad and also because we're wanting to involve DSD. The church blessing isn't about recreating the wedding, it's about having our marriage blessed in the presence of God.

Our family would be more pissed off than upset. We don't get along well with them and really don't want the stress of their involvement, hence wanting to elope.

My brother was 7 when my sister got married and he was so bored! As someone else said, adults place more emphasis on weddings than DC do.

It is ok. As long as it’s handled sensitively and SC invite over in everything else after, then you two wanting to be alone is not a crime. Not at all

Just deal with it carefully

Children have to be given the tools to deal with stuff, not be shielded from pain. Life is tough and they need adults guidance to grow into adults who can deal with stuff

This is not a family affair as you are making it a couple affair. The celebrations after is the family part which SC will be actively included in and taking centre stage

For the record is personally not elope as a marriage is about family for me, but everyone is different and if they are your wishes then that’s what you should do

Couple time is important. A child should not be part of a honeymoon

I agree with previous posters - if it's just a honeymoon abroad then it's fine to leave the child here. If you're actually getting married abroad then she should go with you, regardless of church blessing etc.
You're essentially marrying into her and your fiancés family, and she should be involved (people might disagree with that but that's how I felt about it when I married DH, who also has a child).

Yeah you need to take her for the wedding. I'm actually why you wouldn't want to. She's going to be part of your immediate family, you dh and dsd. What are you going to be doing that makes you want to exclude her?