Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

CM for older step child who is working

48 replies

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 09:42

I don't know if this is the right place but thinking you will have your finger on the pulse in terms of child maintenance over here.

My 18 year old step daughter hasn't been contactable by my husband or I in several months... long story, not all that relevant to this. She left school at 16 and went to work (not a training contract, not apprenticeship, not sure how she was able to do it) she also started modelling and doing promotions work which she now does full time and earns an awful lot of money. We still get her bank statements from when she lived with us and these show regular payments totalling 4000-5000 a month.
From gathering info where we can we believe she stays between her Mum's house (where she doesn't have a bedroom - it's a two bed with another child) and her boyfriend's house. As well as overnights in hotels etc. Her mum works part time in a shop and has a young child by another man who she doesn't receive maintenance from (so we are told but who really knows).
Anyway... my husband has had a letter from the CMS to say that he needs to start paying maintenance for his daughter. This had previously ended when she left education two years ago (although at that time she moved in with us for a while too.
He queried it and was told as she had enrolled to start college (1 A Level) her mum was now claiming child benefit for her and as such he would have to pay cm. They've been separated since she was 7 years old and he's always paid the maintenance and extras and for a lot of the time step daughter lived with us so he's not the type of father to not want to do the right thing. We just feel that there must be a common sense approach when the "child" is so clearly not being supported by her mother, or even really living with her. She's an earning adult - can it really be that 1 A level deems her to be a child again?! College hasn't actually started yet either so how are we to know if she's even attending?
The CMS say there is nothing they can do and that he has to pay. Child benefit say they can investigate the claim to see if it's false but they can't update him on the case.
Any ideas?

OP posts:

CosmicPineapple · 13/09/2017 09:49

You should not be opening her mail or looking at her bank statements!

Allow them to investigate the claim. The 1 A level does not make her a child again but it does put her in education which will make a CB valid.

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:01

I couldn't find any law against opening your child's mail.

We are allowing them to investigate the claim. But if she says she's living there and she's enrolled in college then that's not going to help. I wondered if anyone had any experience of CMS in these kinds of situations where support is clearly not appropriate but the circumstances are outside of the norm.

OP posts:

Blankscreen · 13/09/2017 10:08

Unfortunately I suspect it's a case of playing the system. 1 A-level won't require much college attendance but does mean that you have to pay and her mum will get child benefit.
I'm not sure what value 1 single A-level will actually have so it seems a very strange choice of course.

However if she doesn't attend the college the chances are shell be kicked off the course so in theory it will stop anyway.

I'm sorry to say but you will get slated.

Blankscreen · 13/09/2017 10:11

I've just looked and it says on the child benefit website and it says education needs to be full time ie more than 12 hours a week.

Are you sure she is only doing 1 A-level??

ElizabethShaw · 13/09/2017 10:13

She's a child when you want to open her mail but an adult when you might have to financially support her at college?

Surely its only going to be til she's 19 anyway?

Tinty · 13/09/2017 10:14

If she is registered as student and her mother says she is living with her she will get Child Tax credits as well as child benefits until she is 20. So I expect that she has done this for extra money for her mum.

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:17

Thanks blankscreen. DH checked with the college who said it is one A level.. apparently as she'll have some study time as well as classes it will be bang on the 12 hours required. I think it is such a strange choice i.e. won't be enough UCAS points for uni and wont lead to employment (it's science) that it is a blatant playing of the system.

Amazing there's nothing in place to stop that happening.

(I don't mind being slated. I can sift through it for anything useful )

OP posts:

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:20

Elizabeth, we didn't always open her mail. It was a reaction to being told she's a child and needs to be supported so if that's the case then let's open it and see what's going on.

tinty, I think you are right. You think she'll get tax credits too? blimey I guess you're right. It's a master plan really isn't it. Good job this country has so much spare cash lying about to hand out hey?

OP posts:

NanFlanders · 13/09/2017 10:20

According to the Postal Services Act 2000, it is illegal to open mail that is not addressed to you, unless you can show reasonable excuse.

CosmicPineapple · 13/09/2017 10:21

She is 18 so not a child

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:24

The opening or not opening of bank statements isn't really relevant here is it? I just needed to explain how we know she doesn't need to be supported financially.

Elizabethshaw, it's 20 we've been told. And even "only" until she's 19 is a long time to pay money that isn't required to be paid.

Seems he may just have to cough up and wait for karma to work it's magic.

OP posts:

CosmicPineapple · 13/09/2017 10:27

You think its ok to look at another persons private bank account without their permission because you do not want to pay what the law says you should. I think that is pretty relevent.
You clearly have no boundaries.

CosmicPineapple · 13/09/2017 10:28

Seems he may just have to cough up and wait for karma to work it's magic.

What karma us that then?

You sound awful.

Maudlinmaud · 13/09/2017 10:30

I don't agree with you opening her bank statements. But I can understand your concerns. Has your husband been paying CM since the child was 7?
I think I'd be more interested in where his daughter is living and also what her job entails.

MurielsBottom · 13/09/2017 10:30

Surely the issue is that the step daughter is not living with the mum? Whether she is at college or working, the fraud is the mum claiming that the sd is living at home.

I always understood that cm payments stop when the child reaches 18 anyway.
Have you tried to talk to your sd?

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:32

oh good, a game of stepmum bingo already, someone pass me the shots

OP posts:

ElizabethShaw · 13/09/2017 10:34

Did you save paying 2 years of cm when she left school at 16?

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:38

@maudlinmaud, yes he's been paying since 7. he stopped at 16 when she left education. She moved in with some friends for a bit because her mum kicked her out but she wasn't emotionally ready for all that entailed and we persuaded her to move in with us.

She moved out after a few months because she had a row with her dad about something petty and she just disappeared. We can't reach her unfortunately but we've pieced together what we know from mail, social media that our friends and family can see etc.

@Muriel I suppose that's it really, yes. Then it all filters through. CMS only seem to care about whether mum is claiming child benefit and so I guess it falls on child benefit to investigate the fraud. It's frustrating they can't tell us what's happening there and I suspect they'll not look in to all the facts.. I guess I don't know for sure though.

Does anyone know how that works?

OP posts:

CosmicPineapple · 13/09/2017 10:38

oh good, a game of stepmum bingo already, someone pass me the shots smile

Oh get over yourself. I am also a stepmum that does not mean it is ok to snoop at somebodies bank account and talk about karma like you are winning some war.

You are not the poor hard done stepmother.
Does DSD know you open her private mail?

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:42

@Elizabethshaw she was 16 years and 9 months pls when she left college. As I say, she then lived with us and no, he didn't pay maintenance then. Because she wasn't in education, and lived with us.

She stayed five months so was 17 years old and 2 months when she left and at that time was working and earning several thousands of pounds a month so again, no, no maintenance was paid. She wasn't living with her mum.

Then at the start of august, she's 18 by this point, we are told that she's enrolled in to college and lives with her mum again so we need to paid maintenance.

Does that help?

OP posts:

Blankscreen · 13/09/2017 10:43

So benefit 'fraud' is ok but you will pick holes in the op for opening a bank statement.

I appreciate is not actual fraud as they are entitled, but aren't they always.....

If some of you can't see why the op is irritated by this playing of the system they you need to look at things from a different view point.

Op suck it up its not forever

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:46

@cosmic, your posts and questions don't feel relevant so if you don't mind I won't respond to any more.

OP posts:

Maudlinmaud · 13/09/2017 10:48

This really isn't about money, or at least it shouldn't be. You need to be concerned for this child's welfare. Does it really not worry you at all? She sounds vulnerable. Who is taking an interest in her? 18 and sleeping in hotels? Make contact with her please.

CosmicPineapple · 13/09/2017 10:48

So benefit 'fraud' is ok but you will pick holes in the op for opening a bank statement.

Who said benefit fraud was ok?
Also where is the fraud?

OP has no real idea what is going on as they have no contact with DSD. What she does know has come from opening private mail and stalking her social media.
Not exactly covering herself in glory is she?

If they believe the CB claim is fraud then inform them and let them investigate.

Original poster

fallenfence · 13/09/2017 10:50

@blankscreen I think sucking it up is our only option. It is only money, after all. I'd kind of come to that conclusion but had a bit of time this morning so thought I'd see if anyone here had been in a similar situation or might have any thoughts on a way to tackle it.

It's just shitty when it feels so unjust and our hands are tied. There are so many things we could do with that money. Not least save it for when inevitably the shit hits the fan and step daughter comes back and needs us which is generally what happens.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread