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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Adult Step Child

35 replies

Susie1q · 04/09/2017 20:42

I am new here I need some help please I have a 24 year old step son who has lived with us for 8 years it has been a constant battle with him to keep his room clean and tidy it is fility he throws everything including food waste packets etc on the floor there are clothes all over the floor the bedroom has not been vacumed for 7 months until I went in there last week and vacumed it causes real problems as I cannot stand living like this my DH says dont worry about it he pays £100 a month for that room ignore it I cannot I live in this house it my home and the thought of his room makes me ill. His girlfriend is coming to live here as well for 2 years never asked if it was ok just presumed she is coming from abroad I am dreading it. I have told him so many times I have taken photo's and put the on FB to try and shame him nothing works I am getting to the point where I want to say leave my DH thinks I pick on him and should say nothing am i in the wrong thanks

OP posts:

LineysRun · 05/09/2017 22:22

Hopefully it means she'll take one whiff and turn around and leave.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 05/09/2017 22:49

Personally I don't agree with the 'it's his room, he's the son of OH, just leave him to it' at all. It's not a hotel, and if it was, he'd have been kicked out!

I had this with older DSD, her room smelled bad, I mean, really bad. Something I've only acknowledged right now on these boards, as DP would not hear of it. It took me 6 months after she left to get rid of it. The lack of hygiene and cleaning was just too much, but I daren't rock the boat.

It's so crap on so many levels - it's bad for the kid - they are being totally enabled in an immature and unhealthy lifestyle.

It's also delusional to think that a household can be peaceful and harmonious with someone digging themselves in and not giving a crap about anyone else.

Feel for you OP.

swingofthings · 06/09/2017 07:05

My landlord could evict me at short notice and demand I clean the house or charge me for the cost of getting it cleaned.
Yes he could demand it when you leave the house, he couldn't demand it whilst you live there and pay him rent. The amount is irrelevant.

What I don't get is how you seem so outrage by the way he keeps his room, but at the same time say you don't mind him staying. Is it because you are in need of the money. Frankly, if it gets to you so badly, you need to have that discussion about him moving out.

Winosaurus · 06/09/2017 07:23

Swift actually he could. It's in most short term tenancy agreements that if you don't keep the house to a reasonable standard of cleanliness or if it's judged to be unhygienic / damaging the fixtures and fittings (including carpets) then the landlord has grounds to evict you.

Original poster

Susie1q · 06/09/2017 11:21

I dont need his money at all he is a lovely man and we got on very well its just the situation with the bedroom that gets me down. Anyway I have decided as most of you say its his room he pays for it I will just buy more plates cups etc so I dont need to go into his room as I have no right I will put a airfresher in the hall and leave it at that thanks for all your comments some helpful some not

OP posts:

swingofthings · 06/09/2017 16:07

Winosaurus, it's another discussion, but you can't be evicted because you are not keeping the house tidy, end of. He can decide that he doesn't like you as a tenant and give you 2 months' notice, assuming you are not in the middle of a fixed term contract, but he can't demand that you clean.

There is nothing he could do at all if you are 2 months into a 6 months fixed term contract. As a matter of fact, you could change the locks and refuse him access unless it's an emergency.

OP, you can still demand your glasses and plates back.

SandyY2K · 07/09/2017 21:28

I can't imagine his girlfriend will want to live in that mess. I agree that she might turn things around for the better, or refuse to move in.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 07/09/2017 21:34

My mum said that if i didn't clean my room she'd put everything in bin bags in the dustbin. I was 17. I didn't clean it so she did just that. I had to carry everything back in from the bins and sort it all out. God I was SO SO CROSS!!! It worked though! I was messy but not revolting after that. Tell me you don't do his washing!!

QuiteLikely5 · 07/09/2017 21:38

he sounds disgusting for a 24 YO

I would try to ignore and once he leaves replace everything!

WashingMatilda · 11/09/2017 19:39

Sorry am I reading that right?? You took a photo of his room and put in on FB to 'shame' him??

But he's a 'Lovely man' ??

That's horrible OP, sorry but I think it is. If he was my son I'd have had very strong words with you about that and made you take it down.

Agree that his gf should not be coming to live there though

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