Do you discipline your step children?

[user1496926479]

Hi guys. I'm new to this (first post!) and apologise for not knowing all the oh, dd, ds things!
I wanted to ask if all of you who are step parents have a say in your step children's lives? I have an 9 yo sd. I have been with my other half for over 4 years and he has been divorced since sd was 1 year old.
My problem is this .... my sd is very very spoilt. Extremely spoilt. She is the only child and grandchild and basically can do what she wants, when she wants, have whatever she wants and will have major tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. She is actually a really lovely little girl deep down but her upbringing is turning her into an awful child. She still wets the bed every single night. She is morbidly obese. She constantly has to have 100% attention. It's like she's still 3 years old. My other half just says she'll grow out of it. But I've come to dread her coming over. We have her overnight 2 days a week and every other weekend Friday to Sunday evening. On top of that my oh picks her up every morning (that we don't have her) to take her to school. I'm not sure how to tackle this. Is this normal behaviour for an 9 year old? My ds was an angel (I know I was very lucky!) Do any of you get involved with disciplining your sc?

I sympathise fully. My dscs were like this and as you say it is a result of poor parenting rather than the fault of the child.

I struggled to tackle it until I fell pregnant and at that point I raised it with my dp that I would not have a 2 their system in my home and that all the children would be treated the same and held to the same expectations of behaviour.

It has not been easy and the kids were certainly not happy to begin with. However, it has been the making of them. They are now 14 & almost 12 and generally lovely kids. They are kind, caring and generous where as before they were entitled, self centred and at times horrible to be around. As I say the fault for their behaviour lies entirely with dp and his ex. He had no idea as worked away a lot and she doesn't believe in the word no or in disciplining kids (told to me direct by her)

Update: Thanks for all your advice. Unfortunately it's been like talking to a brick wall and I have now split up with OH. Things came to a head when my MIL was over. DSS told her granny that she didn't want her here and hoped her plane would crash on the way home. She was also starting to be personally nasty to me. OH response "She's a child she'll grow out of it". Time to cut loose.