Dp's mother and ex-wife - frequent contact

[DorothyL]

When dp left his exw three years ago her already existing mental health problems spiralled out of control and she had a series of breakdowns. She is now on a more even keel but things might change again.

In all this time dp's widowed mother has supported the exw. She regularly visits the children at exw's house, she's provided childcare for exw, they've been out for meals with the kids and they've even been on overnight visits/holidays to dp's relatives who live further away.

Dp is getting increasingly annoyed with his mother about this, but I'm torn - exw has no family left and if it wasn't for dp's mother she would never get the chance to go on holiday for example, and dp's mother helping her tgrough her breakdowns meant dp couldcarry on as normal, with the children being cared for by dp's mother.

I'm not sure who's right in this?

Why was your husband not looking after his own children while their dm was having a series of breakdowns?!

Because dp was living in a one bedroom flat

Your dp's mum sounds like a brilliant granny. Why is your dp angry about this?

Your DP's mother sounds like a lovely caring woman and grandmother. Your DP should be grateful that her support of his ExW and children has allowed your DP to just 'carry on as normal.'

lets get this right - your DP is pissed off that his mother helps out his ex wife with the kids while he stood back and done nothing and his excuse was he was in a 1 bed flat

Mmmm he sounds like a keeper op

OP - he needs to give up on his anger.

My Exs family have been so supportive of me and basically said, after 20 yrs they would choose who they were friends with, who they would drink eat and talk to.

Ex was entitled to have a new partner and they would meet and build a relationship with her - but neither he nor his new DP would dictate to them who they had relationships with.

I had 4 yrs of unmitigated hell after DP left - ignoring his shiteness. My parents died, my sib was ill with cancer, DC had major surgery was as sick as a dog, I had major surgery - my life was the pits. In lurched from one crisis to another and from someone who had previously had a calm life this was awful.

My Exs family - provided care, love, support and just an ear to listen which in turn helped his DCs.

I know his new DP asked the family to stop seeing me, speaking to me and said I was blocking her having a relationship with them. What she failed to realise was she was snubbing them, they sent presents not just for my DCS but always for own DCs - she never acknowledged them, no thank you card/e mail/text. When they were in the area, she owuld never have them round for coffee etc.

Do not be jealous - he has a fab mother and if he was not helping when she was ill - he is a twunt.

In other words "grandma helps a mother out with her children whilst the mother is having mental health issues".

What does the DP think, 'ex wife is stealing my mammy from memory boohoo'?

He doesn't sound like a keeper if he's quick to not step up for his own kids.

OP I think your DP needs to get over it and accept that his mother is an adult and can spend her time however she chooses.

I think your DP is an arse OP.

My PIL tried in vain to stay in contact with my DP's exw so they could help her out with the kids etc and she threw it back at them. The had been together since high school, they had watched her grow up and were devastated that she just cut them out. My MIL died begging for her exDIL to visit her and she flatly refused.

On the flip side I get on very well with his exw's parents. Her mum is lovely and always stops for a chat when I see her, offered advice or surplus baby things when I had DD. When his exw was being particularly difficult and withholding contact her Mum contacted us and helped DP see the kids at hers when they were there and faught his corner with her DD.

When a relationship/marriage ends it is the other person you are leaving not their entire family. I think it is lovely that they are still close.

Sorry I am dripfeeding but dp is also angry because of some financial issues - he thinks his mum and also his sister are trying to get exw to get the best financial outcome from the divorce, even if it financially harms him.

DP should be happy they're still having good contact with his family even though he can't be bothered thanks to his mother. It's not about him, or their mother, it's just a grandmother and other relatives taking an interest in the kids. Lots of grandmother's never bother.

Erm, I agree with his Mum and sister, the Mother of his children should receive a fair and sensible divorce settlement.

If I were you I'd be pretty concerned about how this man treats the women in his life...

I'm confused, does your dp not have his children at all? How come the ex only gets a holiday if dp's mum takes the children?

Yep, it's his mum and sis who are behind the financial wrangling side of the divorce. Divorce costs. Money has to be sorted. That's what solicitors are for.

How long have you been seeing him OP, is he normally so whiny and childish?

Apachepony, the children are with us eow

I meant they only get a holiday with their mother if granny goes, exw can't manage to take them on their own

Dp's sister withheld information from dp about a house they own together - she said he could get the information elsewhere (which he did) but she wouldn't supply it for him. Dp was very cross about that and about the fact his mum didn't see anything wrong in sister not helping him

It's increasingly dawning on me

If you really are the new partner and not the father in this scenario I'd head for the hills if I were you!

He doesn't help his children when their mother is having SEVERAL breakdowns, struggling to care for them and ensure they get a break from what must be an incredibly difficult situation.

Only sees them eow. His EXCUSE is he was only in a one bed flat. And now he's bitching about money?!!!!

He's a selfish twat who doesn't deserve those kids! Sounds to me like his mother and sister are acting at least partly out of the shame of having such a selfish arse for a son/brother!

Here's a tip OP - don't have kids with him.

He's telling you who is is, please listen.

I wonder how many of her mental health problems are a direct result of his behaviour.

Poor woman

I'm so glad that your DP's mother and sister seem to be kind and compassionate people - as he's clearly not.

Wow he sounds fab. Maybe he should just be grateful his family are stepping up and helping out since he clearly isn't.

Oh dear he sounds unpleasant from what you have posted. MIL is doing the right thing.