talk to me about bedrooms

[GaelicSiog]

Inspired by yet another issue with contact weekends

If you have a large blended family, how do you do bedrooms? Does everyone have a permanent bed that's "their" room, or part of a room?

not a particularly large blended family - we have DD (3) together and DP has DSS (13) and DSD (11) and an average size 3 bed 30's semi. Contact is EOW, every Wednesday and 50/50 in school hols

DSD and DD share the largest bedroom
DP & I have the next biggest
DSS has the smallest room - he is older and about to embark on GCSE's plus at their age him DSD cannot share.

DSD has a high sleeper bed with wardrobe and desk space under it and a chair bed

DD has a mid sleeper and then a separate wardrobe and drawers etc

DSS has a high sleeper bed and we have bought a fold down desk and sofa bed to go under. His room has a tall but narrow bookcase and we have built in hanging rails between that and the wall in place of a wardrobe. he actually has more available floor space than the girls.

What issues are you having?

We are lucky enough to have enough rooms for DSD (100%), my DD (50%) and soon to arrive DD. If not, I would allocate the larger room to be shared between the two least likely to disturb each other so would probably be DD and baby.

It's at DD's dad's. I just have DD, ex lives with new partner, new partner has DSD1, DSD2 and DSS1 from previous relationship, they have DSS2 and DSS3 together. They're planning baby number 7, which is none of my business. But the sleeping arrangements for DD are a mess.

4 bedroom house, 3 for the kids.
DSD2 has the box room. It's tiny even for a box, you couldn't get more than one in there.
DSD1 has the middle room to herself. Trundle bed in there for DD in theory.
Three boys in the biggest room together.

The problem is that DSD1 HATES having to share and often invites a friend over for a sleepover on contact weekends. They get the trundle, DD gets the sofa bed in the lounge. Expect this weekend this didn't work because DSS1 had already been promised a sleepover, which meant in the lounge because of space. DD was unhappy at sharing with the younger boys and asked to come home. I suspect more because of how horrid it all got over sleeping arrangements than at sharing with the boys.

Just trying to get a feel for what's normal!

I don't think the sharing is bad, but obviously her step sister is treating her badly. It's also totally out of line for her to be kicked out of her room because step sister is having a sleepover. That either needs to happen when your daughter isn't there or in the lounge with your daughter getting the room to herself.

Oh, we had 4 in a room, 3 in a room and 2 in a glorified cupboard when I was a kid, I have nothing against sharing. I just think it's a terrible setup for the resident kids and for DD.

In theory DSD1 has an overnight once a month with her dad/ex stepdad/not sure what that setup is, which seems to fall on weekends DD isn't there. Which I get only leaves her one weekend when DD isn't there, but still. DSD1 won't have DD sleeping in her room without her there to supervise

I have 3 dc and 2 (now adult) stepchildren.

Everyone has always had their own bedroom. When dd1 was little, H and I could only afford a tiny cottage, so dd1 had a bedroom, dsd had a bedroom, dss had a bedroom, and H and I slept in the partially converted loft! (boarded and plastered, but no window, or even full staircase!) It was hugely important to me that my stepchildren felt as at home as possible, and I have never contemplated them not having heir own space.

Even now they are adults, we have 2 'spare' rooms, so they still have a room each when they come to stay.

I think you or DD if she is old enough needs to have a conversation with her Dad. You don't say what the agreed contact is but in all likelihood if her Dad and his DP have another girl then the DSD is going to have to share regardless!

Whilst personally I feel any child residing in the house full time or on a contact schedule should have their own bed and somewhere for their stuff. Even when we were in a poxy 1 bed flat (long story) DSD and DSS had their own storage space and their own stuff at ours. They had our room on contact time taking it in turns to have the bed/airbed. When DD came along and the cot took up the air bed space then they had the lounge room and a sofa bed/air bed. they were at an age then where it was like a fun sleepover and they loved it but they were very glad when they got their own proper beds when the house purchase finally went through!

We did give DSS and DSD the option of share with each other or one share with DD. DSS was more than happy to share with DD - they are ridiculously close in spite of the age gap but DSD pointed out the room would probably be pink which she liked but he wouldn't so they picked for DSD and DD to share.

Would it be easier if DD just didn't have sleep overs there?

Bloody out of order that DSD gets to rule the roost with her behaviour tbh.

we are in the process of looking at plans to either have a loft conversion or a double height side extension so that DSD gets her own room as she gets older and sharing with DD is no longer so much fun

The thing is, whatever is "normal", you have no say over what happens there.

Why not just buy somewhere with enough rooms for your children?

@50balesofhay because it isn't that straight forward!

5OBales I've been asking myself that for the last 4 years.

I know, Alice. just want to get a feel for it regardless. I personally have an issue with DD not having a space that's hers in the room she's supposed to be sleeping in. New partner says but DSD1 doesn't want her to have space in her room.

The boys are already in the loft conversion, unfortunately!

And these people are planning more children? Haven't they contributed enough to the world's population? Why can't some people prioritise their existing children.
Her father needs to sort this out, no way should this be allowed.

llhj these people are a bloke who denied his DD was his for the first two years of her life then went to court and claimed I had hidden my pregnancy and kept him from seeing DD and I was talking bullshit, and a woman who left her husband and moved in with that bloke along with her kids a couple of months after her own baby was born. Rational logic like that can't be applied to them.

I'm putting my foot down this weekend. It isn't contact if DD wants to come home because she has nowhere to sleep.

My partner and I are currently in the process off making the big room bigger by removing the built in cupboards. This is to make room along one wall for bunk beds. His children stay at mine once every 2 weeks, but I would like them to have their own bed one it's nice for the to feel like this Is their home to and 2 it's easier for them playing.

We have 4 kids between us and a 3 bed house.
My DS1 and DS2 have a room each but when DSS and DSD stay my DS2 shares with DS1 and DSS and DSD share. We have bunk beds in both rooms.
DSD mains constantly that she needs her own room (being the only girl) but that's tough. She has a bed of her own and storage which I think is the basic need.

I have an adult DD, late teen DS, and DSD & DSS (both primary school age). We started off with 3 bed house (2 double sized & one single) when the DSC were younger & part time: the girls shared the largest room, DS had the single room and poor DSS (very small at the time) had a camp bed in our room (he liked it). Now the DSC are with us 100% we have converted a second reception room into 2 downstairs bedrooms, a larger and smaller one, which the boys now have. DSS has the smallest downstairs room with Cabin bed, chest of drawers and toy storage, DSD has the single upstairs bedroom and DD has the double bedroom to herself with 2 wardrobes in of which one can be used for some of DSC's surplus stuff. When DD is away at Uni, her room doubles as an office, storage and DSS can use it for his hotwheels tracks. Luckily, DD is an angel and doesn't mind.
DSD declared at the weekend that she is first on the waiting list for an upgrade to a larger room as soon as one of the older ones get their own place!

We had DS and DSS sharing until recently. Neither of them were allowed to boot the other out to have friends for a sleepover - I don't think that's on. Sleepovers were either arranged for a date when the other wasn't there, or else the one having the sleepover took over the downstairs room with their mates. This meant the rest of the family in the kitchen all evening, hence sleepovers weren't allowed often - just for birthdays really.

There's a lot of issues to balance with a large blended family and part-time kids but of all the things you've mentioned, booting your DD out of her room so that her step sister can have a friend there is the one I'd pick up on. Ideally get your DD to speak to her dad direct about this, maybe coach her through what she wants to say. But if she can't/won't do this, then speak to your ex on her behalf, and suggest that it's not on for her to be booted out of her room in this way. If he really won't do this, then I'd suggest DD just goes for the day, or that she doesn't go at all on nights when there's no room for her.

Or could she suggest that her elder step sister gets the box room to herself, and DD shares with the younger one?