WIBU? Who is responsible?

[NameChangeShamed]

Child lives with DM and stays with DF two nights a week; DM gets letter from school regarding non uniform day the following week, this day falls on one of DF's days but doesn't tell him. DF took DD to school and she was the only one in uniform.

Who is responsible? DM for not telling DF, or DF responsible for checking with school?

Sorry confused you with another op on not knowing her side, but have read thread.

Yes she does need Internet essential these days.

If you see so much of her can't you just ask her what's on at school that you need to know about?

Otherwise get the school to make your dh the primary contact, then your dh can copy and pass the letters to her as needed instead.

You can't make her be someone she isn't or tell her how to run her life. And ultimately this is your dh's issue to sort if he feels strongly enough about it. Hard though when you see a DSC being let down.

No problem. Hopefully this instance will have triggered something and next time will be remembered by someone!

Lots of schools are lax about keeping contact with separated parents.

Some point blank refuse to send to more than one parent.

For the sake of the child, the mum should share relevant information with the Dad unless "one up manship" is more important than what happens to the child.

DH has offered to provide SAE but they've said they can't excuse a member of staff to go to the post box or guarantee they'll remember with each letter. They've said it they do it for one they must do it for all which makes sense I suppose.

Ive tried asking, it's always 'I'm not sure of the top of my head but will let you know' she's very difficult to pin down and get an answer from. She's also self admittedly got the worst memory of anyone I know so I don't think she does it to be difficult, she just ends up being a pain in the arse by accident

Can they email letters out? Takes no time!

Unfortunately not NapQueen, apparently they don't have the time to do it and cannot commit to doing it for one and not everyone else.

Ahhhh, yes of course, it's the school's fault that 2 adults are pissing about, game playing, 'forgetting' and seemingly finding it impossible to communicate (see numerous excuses above). Definitely the school.

One of the mums set up a FB group for our year. We remind each other about stuff like dress-up days. The members are mums, dads and grandparents who are involved in the kids' schooling.

Does he know any of the other parents? There's always a super organised one who knows what's going on. It's also worth noting the annual events like World Book
day.

With regards to letters, I've stood in the playground for many years and seen countless children being handed a letter as they leave and it blowing away or disappearing somehow,

School not responsible for poor communication between parents generally BUT there's REALLY no excuse for not having an up to date website, sending ALL parents a regular email about upcoming events (any secretary worth their pay could set this up in a day max! Frankly I reckon I could do it in a morning! And long term it would REDUCE admin hours as school wouldn't then be dealing with parents emailing/phoning/asking in office in person about info OR spending even longer complaining they weren't told!)

Schools need to get with the fact that most children no longer live in nuclear families.

Relaxo a school near me has parents who've done that (fb page) because their admin org is shit!!

Frequently sending letters out the day before an event, poorly written and/or with unclear info (eg date and weekday not matching so parents then bombard office with 'well is it on the 20th or the tue'?)

What relaxo said. We have a FB group for mums in our year. It has issues (inappropriate discussion about a particular teacher) but is fabulous for things like "has anyone got this weeks spellings", "has there been any letters recently", "what do they have to do for Workd book day".

Where fb groups are really good are swapping around bits for dress up days and sourcing bits for models etc, saves parents money and avoids waste.

Sending a text or email out from a school isnt always the answer. It's amazing how often parents change their numbers email addresses. It would be someone's full time job updating the info!

My dh is another one who repeatedly signed up to school newsletters, text alerts, parents evenings etc for his dc.

Even to the point of quoting relevant law that they were legally obliged to, and threatening legal action. They'd phone in a panic, agree, and promise to do it in future.

He never recieved one message.

Post, emails, texts were sent to his ex. Either the school automated system wasn't set up to duplicate everything, or they didn't know how to.

So i'd say it's the mothers fault for not passing the letter on. If it was just sent in the schoolbag, and not to a specific parent, it should have been handed to the parent it was relevant to, in this case, the father.

I still can't see why they can't Whatsapp each other at the end of each day, post-it style reminders. It does sound as though they are looking for an external solution to their relationship problems - which seems to be a priority over being good parents.

If the mother received the letter and didn't tell the father then of course it's her fault. How the heck was dad supposed to know about the child not needing uniform that day? Do other parents call the school every morning before setting off to ensure that the child is to wear uniform that day?
I understand that in an ideal world both parents would both get letters but to double the amount of needless paper (or double the costs for school texts) just because two grown adults can't act like grown adults for the sake of their child? No.

Poor kid.

I wouldn't tell him a thing. Not beucase of point scoring or to be a shit parent, but because I shouldn't still have to micro-manage him.
But why does it make the mum a shit parent when he can get access to everything that she can?

Because it is about the child, not point scoring. How petty.

I don't believe any school is paying for texts.

That doesn't make it any less true.

Our school most definitely pays for texts.

"Sending a text or email out from a school isnt always the answer. It's amazing how often parents change their numbers email addresses. It would be someone's full time job updating the info!"

It already is! Contact details for parents and guardians and emergency contacts have to be kept up to date anyway. You just link that data to the system you use for sending info. The technology is there.

I wouldn't tell him a thing. Not beucase of point scoring or to be a shit parent, but because I shouldn't still have to micro-manage him.
But why does it make the mum a shit parent when he can get access to everything that she can?

If the school sent the letter home in a bag though, she doesn't need to micro manage. Just put the letter back in the bag, maybe say to dd, oh your dad needs to deal with that. Job done.

What are the school supposed to do, remember which nights a child is spending at which parents. And figure out which parent the letter is relevant to and send it home on that parents night? Come on.

If the letter had been put in the bag on his night, and he hadn't passed it on to the mum for her day, what woild the response be?

Why take the letter out of the bag if you know the dad needs to see it?

The school need to be emailing the letters to your dh

It is not his ex responsibility to ensure that he gets them. She isn't his secretary

He needs to take this up with the school.

My ex tried this with me - that it was my responsibility to ensure I made him aware. It isn't and never would be. I don't have an obligation to remind him of things or send notes to him. He is legally entitled to copies from the school so what he needs to do is ensure the school are fulfilling their legal duty

My ex tried this with me - that it was my responsibility to ensure I made him aware. It isn't and never would be. I don't have an obligation to remind him of things or send notes to him. He is legally entitled to copies from the school so what he needs to do is ensure the school are fulfilling their legal duty

The problem is that many schools do not have the computer facilities to send messages to two separate contacts.

Why on earth would you make it difficult for a NRP? The NRP isn't losing out - your child is. You are both parents - coparent. If you get a note in the school bag, pass the info on and vice versa for him.