Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

I am annoyed with OH - rant.

39 replies

Crowdblundering · 02/03/2017 13:37

DSDs have form for breaking things such as DSs, tablets etc. They do not look after anything which really really annoys me.

I think the reason for this is their mum has a similar attitude to "things" (for instance when her an OH split money was very tight but she replaced ALL her furniture as it was "marital").

Dec we got both the girls a phone contract (Tesco fairly cheap) as 12 yr old DSD1 has a phone which never had credit and OH wants to be able to contact them.

He got insurance and warned them he will not be replacing them if they are lost or broken.

DSD1 also got a laptop for xmas from her mum.

By end Jan her phone has been trashed (dropped and smashed and put through the washing machine) and turns out the insurance isn't really worth it with a £60 excess. She has been without a phone since then. Last weekend she came and her laptop is also be thrown and broken.

I agreed we should (eventually) replace the phone with a cheap one as paying for a contract which isn't being used - but in my head this is the last one we are EVER buying her.

This morning OH has gone off to pick up a £60 phone off Gumtree and is wiping one of my kids old unused laptops for her.

IMO £60 is not a bloody cheap phone (that a bday pressie IMO) and why are we also replacing the laptop (admittedly it isn't costing us anything).

Money is tight ATM there has been no consequences for breaking the phone within two months and I am actually quite pissed off right now Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowdblundering · 02/03/2017 13:42

Think I also pissed off as he was ranting about money two nights ago (currently remortgaging) and I have paid some bills that he couldn't pay - and I earn half what he earns.

Angry
OP posts:
Original poster
Crowdblundering · 02/03/2017 13:42

Apologies for typos.

OP posts:
StewieGMum · 02/03/2017 14:01

It's irresponsible parenting to not hold a child accountable for consequences of their actions. No need to be draconian but cheap pay as you go replacement with the understanding you won't be paying for credit whilst still paying off contract is perfectly reasonable. Accidents happen but not with this frequency. It's unfair on kids not to teach them to be responsible for their belongings.

Wdigin2this · 02/03/2017 23:36

Well, he's setting the precedent here isn't he? I think you can probably look forward to a lot more years of....'Oh dear, I broke it, never mind DF will pay for a replacement!'

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 03/03/2017 09:43

I know Angry

I have told him I am not happy about it at all.

OP posts:
WhiskeySourpuss · 03/03/2017 10:03

Crowd you need to sort this out asap as it will only escalate the longer it goes on!

My brother was like this with his 2 kids from a previous relationship - they are now 18 & 21 & are constantly asking for money for this, that & the other with absolutely no thought as to where the money will come from... it's a massive bone of contention between him & SIL.

Niece (21) has her own place & doesn't bother paying her bills because she knows her father will bail her out whilst nephew (18) has an allowance of £45 per week just for luxuries such as going out with friends etc & he still asks for more!

Brother & SIL don't have well paid jobs by the way & they have 3 other kids.

gingina · 03/03/2017 10:20

We have this problem and it drives me mad. DP likes to get accidental damage insurance on everything he buys (which I know is sensible) but because of this his kids are careless with things because if it breaks, they just get another one.
It makes them disrespectful and they have no idea of the value of anything imo.

swingofthings · 03/03/2017 10:39

So what is it that annoys you most, that he spent money when you are stretched to the max, or that he replaced the phone by not the cheapest most basic one?

I personally agree that replacing phone AND laptop was not a good move at all educationally. However, what his doing so is not that much different than what many parents in the same circumstances would do. I expect his rationale is that if he is paying for a contract, it is pointless to delay getting another one and also pointless not to get her a half decent phone that means she can use data if that is part of the package. The laptop he probably justifies that she needs for homework, and he believes that the fact she gets used equipment, maybe to a lower spec than she had before is her punishment/learning experience.

I don't agree with it, but again, his thinking is quite typical from what my kids have told me of their friends circumstances.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 03/03/2017 13:33

One Christmas I bought DSD2 a little fairy that "floated" with magic string and she had a wand.

The day after she got it I found the wand snapped in half on the floor.

DSD1 admitted she had done it (I think she was jealous but she was also given plenty of presents). She wasn't punished.

I really try not to buy them anything as I feel like I may as well bypass them and chuck my money straight in the bin.

It was my idea to get them phones - I was annoyed at him replacing it with an equally expensive phone.

OP posts:
Dollyparton3 · 03/03/2017 13:45

Does DSD get an allowance from you? If so I'd be asking OH to sit her down and explain that it's being docked by £10 for the next 6 months to make up the outlay of the replacement

workingmumsarebad · 03/03/2017 15:10

So basically you do not like your DSDs:

  1. They have form for breaking things - your DS tablet was tht necessary to say.
  2. Blame the mother -because she placed things in her house - ergo bad attitude for "things"
3.This is the last phone you are EVER buying - great a grip - if you get a year out of a phone before it is defunct obsolete or lost, then you are doing well. Ridiculous statement
  1. Your kids have unused laptops (!) and he is recycling not buying a new one - your problem is what?

She ahs not had the phone for a month which in child life is an eon - so there has been a consequence.
Not sure what you want your DP to do?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 03/03/2017 16:24

workingmums

Wondered how long before the ridiculous brigade turned up.

I worry unless my DSDs are taught differently they will grow up with an attitude like yours.

And where on earth did you get the idea I don't like my DSDs? Hmm

OP posts:
Montane50 · 03/03/2017 17:35

^workingmums^ what a bizarre statement! I can only imagine your little darling (s) can do no wrong and you condone bad behaviour (probably jealous of a step parent in their life perhaps? Just a guess but i bet im not wrong)

swingofthings · 03/03/2017 19:14

And where on earth did you get the idea I don't like my DSDs?
The way you express yourself here. You come across as very critical, which leads to the assumption that you don't like them as we don't normally care much for people we are critical of. Maybe you are different.

AS for teaching them right and wrong to secure their future, leave it to their mum and your OH, it's their role to do so, and if they don't do a good job, then you can look back and think 'I knew it'. Sometimes you get it wrong though. My SM thought exactly the same, that she had a duty to teach me right as my parents were not (mum didn't pay attention, dad spoilt me) as she was teaching her daughter. 40 years later and I'm considered to be one who's grown up to be a lovely adult whereas her daughter is a spoilt brat.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 03/03/2017 19:30

I don't like them breaking things.

I love them themselves they have been in my life for 8 years since they were 3 and 5.

If it's my money (hard earned) too I have a right to be pissed off.

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 03/03/2017 19:36

I don't think your being unreasonable I got my DC phones which cost a tenner on the Tesco very basic contract £7 a month and no internet on it. If they lose it any replacement comes out of their pocket money.

Being careless with property should have consequences, they should be paying for the replacement and getting something much cheaper.

Msqueen33 · 03/03/2017 19:47

@workingmumsarebad have you noticed the thread title? I'd be fuming. All children need to be taught a consequence to breaking things.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 04/03/2017 10:20

It's my bday next week and he's now moaning about being skint and not being able to buy me much - I don't care but makes me more angry about the fucking phone SadAngry

OP posts:
swingofthings · 04/03/2017 11:36

I don't like them breaking things.
I don't like the way my kids keen their bedroom, not at all, but it doesn't inspire me to critisize them or blame their father for being so messy.

I don't like it, but in the end, it is only a small aspect of who they are and I rather focus on all the positives which far outweigh the bad.

Maybe if sometimes you also came up with good things that define your SDs, you would come across as less critical?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 04/03/2017 11:51

Maybe I save that positivity for when I am with them and use here are a safe place to vent rather than making them feel like shit about themselves swingofthings?

OP posts:
workingmumsarebad · 04/03/2017 13:43

Of course I read the title!

However, rather than say
DSD got a phone for christmas and a laptop and within a month the phone was trashed and in three months the laptop.

Annoyed with DP for going and replacing them -

instead we got an extra bit of step mother bitching about breaking her kids stuff, dig at the mother for something completely irrelevant and few other unnecessary comments about the SCs.

Like i said the DSD has been without a phone for a month - that is an eon in child social media time and yes I do think she should be contributing towards it.

If she needs the laptop for school, slightly harder to not do something about.

Have no issue with consequences - mine are currently computer, TV and all gadget banned for a week!
just did not need the nasty little digs that accompanied th eOP.

As to my attitude - what part of it do you not like.
And no evil SM in my DCS life thankfully.

Bitofacow · 04/03/2017 13:49

Crowd you very nearly had an interesting discussion going there before you were psychoanalysed and found to be a total pyscho bitchGrin

Don't you have a bunny you should be boiling?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 04/03/2017 13:58

Oops yes sorry 🐰

OP posts:
swingofthings · 04/03/2017 18:41

Maybe I save that positivity for when I am with them and use here are a safe place to vent rather than making them feel like shit about themselves swingofthings?
Oh, so that's what your posts are about, just moaning? Not posting for a different perspective, advice or suggestions? I get it now!

Ok, I'm really sorry that your SDs can be such dreaddfully annoying beings at times, it must be really hard for you to have to cope with such unacceptable behaviour. Is this what you want to read?

balia · 04/03/2017 19:04

You know, I gave up posting on here and started putting my concerns/questions on other places without the extra 'S'. I never have to deal with the 'you just don't like them, do you' or 'it's nothing to do with you, leave it to their REAL mum and dad' bullshit, just genuinely helpful people trying to give me a hand when things get a bit difficult. And that doesn't mean people don't disagree with me or let me know if they have a different view, but the attention does go on the problem, rather than personal attacks.

It's perfectly ok to feel frustrated if DC's are careless and entirely normal not to endlessly replace things they break when you are skint.