Inheritance arrangements between your DC and SDC

[misnoma]

Hello.

I'm new to these boards but hope you can help.

What is your set-up in regards to inheritance between children when there are children from previous relationship involved?

DP and I are currently writing up a will as we are unmarried and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. He has a son from a marriage who is now 13. DP and his exW divorced when their son was 2. She walked away with a huge payout and mortgage free house. DP pays large amount of child maintenance each month plus his private school fees. So his son is very well looked after and I assume his mother will pass down her house (which DP paid for) to him when she eventually passes. ExW is remarried and assume they'll have other cash and assets to pass down.

I don't want to have children with DP and then our inheritance split equally among them as DSS will have two lots of inheritance, making it an unequal outcome. If I sound like a bitter cow then fine. If you're in the same boat, how have you dealt with inheritance issues?

Anyone

That's what I understand, too.

What does DP think?

Yeah I agree with above posters - you each split your half between your children.

So what you're saying is, you don't want your DP to leave his son, your SS, anything... or you want him to leave your son more than he leaves his other son, your SS, is that right?

One way to think of it is split the inheritance in half - you leave your half to your dc (at the moment 1 dc - congratulations), your dh splits his between his dc (2 children). Your child therefore gets 3/4 estate as a whole. The ex may or may not have inheritance to pass on depending on any more dc / marriages/ care homes so best to think what is fair within your situation.

You do sound bitter. Imagine your child in that situation. If you and DP split up in later life, should that automatically mean your child is dis-inherited from his/her father?

I clicked this thread because of a situation with my MIL. Step-FIL has 3 children from previous marriage. MIL has 2 children from previous relationship. They have much disagreement about inheritance.

He feels their Will should be split between 5 children. She thinks the Will should be split in half, with her children getting equal share of her half and his children getting equal share of his half. So far, no Wil because of this disagreement.

"I think the usual way is for you to leave your half to your DS and your partners half will be split between both of hs children.

So if you were both to pass away your son recives 75% and your DSS will get 25%."

As the OP and her DP aren't married (and if they are making wills for this reason then it doesn't sound like they play to marry) then it may not be 75% depending on which of them has the greater assets. The principle still holds though, the OP gives her assets to her child/ren and her DP spilts his assets between his children.

If you don't feel your husbands first child is as much part of the family as his second child then feel free to cut him out.

Half goes to your child and the other half is spilt between your dhs two children.

It makes sense to split your joint assets in half - your half goes to your children and his half goes to his children. So your child would get 50% from you and 25% from your DP (75% total) and your step son would get 25% from your DP.

If you had another child then each of your children would get 25% from you and just under 17% from your DP (so about 42%) whilst your step son would just get the 17% from your DP.

I have one DS with DH and another DS from a previous relationship. We are splitting all assets equally between the 2 dc (plus a bit to other relatives). It's the fairest way for our circumstances, as both DS's live with us and DS1 will get nothing from his bio dad's side - DH views himself as DS1's dad and DS1 thinks the same. DH would never consider leaving DS1 any less money than DS2, it never crossed our minds when we did our wills. As your SDS is not living with you though, and getting inheritance from elsewhere, I think it would be fairer to leave him less than your bio children.

Congratulations on your baby.

I don't want to have children with DP and then our inheritance split equally among them as DSS will have two lots of inheritance, making it an unequal outcome. If I sound like a bitter cow then fine. If you're in the same boat, how have you dealt with inheritance issues?

What did you agree, when you considered this together ahead of your decision to try for a baby?

I don't think there is any right answer to this, but I would exclude all external considerations, like what the ex-wife will or won't leave to your DSS, you have no idea what might happen.

I have a very complicated blended family, and on the one side (my mum's) wills have been done in strictly equal shares between five 'children' (the oldest is 50!) with additional provisions to make sure one parent cannot inherit and then change their will in favour of their own offspring. On my dad's, I have a half-sibling who therefore has no second family to inherit from. I would imagine my dad probably has written his will such that my half-sibling receives 50% and my brother and I receive 25%, This would also be symbolic of a fractured relationship - and that's the problem. It's not just about the dosh, it's about what it says about your family.

Nope, my comment is not sarcastic. I come from a large blended family so my viewpoint comes from being the step child.

All the children should be treated equally because otherwise it says each child is not loved equally.

pastysprincess i would say the majority of stepparents do not love their SC as they do their own DC. It's a question of how THEIR PARENT treats and loves them in the will but I think it's very unreasonable to expect a stepparent to leave inheritance to SC. Of course, some will want to but that's their choice. I wouldn't leave anything to DPs children when I have my own children and I don't think anyone would expect me to.

I guess I must just have a better relationship with my step mum that most cos I would be extremely hurt to think she doesn't love me the same after raising me from childhood.

Yes, your share goes to your child/ren, DP's share to bis child/ren. DSC's mum is not going to split her share between those two kids, so it will work out fairly.

Yep you do sound like a bitter cow.

It is not his first son's fault that the marriage failed. All of that child's life he has missed out on having two loving parents living at home with him. He's already had the rough end of the deal. And don't count on anything being left to him by his mother ... she might require care that eats up any inheritance.

"I assume his mother will pass down her house (which DP paid for) to him when she eventually passes. ExW is remarried and assume they'll have other cash and assets to pass down."

Or exw may leave it all to her new husband, and ds get nothing. or it could go on care home fees, or to a cat home. As other pp have said, you can't really assume anything about what exw will leave to ds.

Thanks for responses.

When I found out I was pregnant and we started planning for the worst, DP had originally suggested that he create a separate trust account for SS so even if DP dies before me SS will get his part of the inheritance then and there and then there's no inheritance issues/mess when I die. So when I die, under the circumstance DP is already dead, remaining cash & assets are split between our biological DC. But if DP outlives me, he still has a trust for SS in place.

Just wanted to see how other couples do it. We may well go down the route of DPS assets equally split and mine go straight to our own DC.

We each have wills that leave most of our own assets to our own DC.

But I think you're talking as if you were old people with grown up children, not an unborn baby. If anything were to happen to your DP in the next few years, his will should first and foremost try to meet his existing obligations. So that means paying a lump sum in lieu of child support plus school fees, and then a large amount to you to enable to to bring up the baby comfortabley for the next 18 years. There's realistically not likely to be much left after that.

Also, who owns the house you live in? Unless you're wealthy enough to own a house each, you each need to leave that to other to avoid them losing their home (or you can leave an "interest in possession" which allows them to remain in it for life, then to pass to whoever you specify.

And children will not feel unloved because they are not receiving half their step mother's money, as well as their dad's and mum's They don't even need to know what's in a will.