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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

How often does bio mum contact?!

19 replies

Mrsmaitai · 31/12/2016 20:30

Just recently she's started texting DP on the weekends we have the children to say "hope your having fun whatever your doing" and "send them big kisses"
She never used to do this (not before she split up with her new boyfriend!) and it feels almost as if she's trying to think of ways to be present and to make contact.

Do any of you have bio mums texting stuff like this? Surely she could just wait one day til she sees them!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 20:40

Some days I mss my children more than others so send a text to ex along the same lines. Sometimes ex is missing them so texts similar too. It makes me feel better.

I don't do it to be a cow. Ex doesn't mind and understands what it feels like to have a pang of loneliness and miss your children.

Noctilucent · 31/12/2016 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 20:41

Oh and I'm just mum.
Bio mum is not needed and can be quite offensive

cookiecooks · 31/12/2016 20:42

Bio mum is quite an odd turn of phrase to use.

I sometimes text my ex when he has ds, because sometimes I will miss him and want to quickly ask if he's okay etc.

MrsRaegan · 31/12/2016 20:48

Unless the children are adopted then Bio Mum is pretty fucking offensive. She's mum, just mum.

SVJAA · 31/12/2016 20:49

If DS is away more than one night I phone him, purely because I know he gets stressed if I don't.
Incidentally, I'm a mum and a SM and was a bit at bio mum. Mum covers it just fine.

abbsisspartacus · 31/12/2016 20:51

I text if the kids seemed upset or reluctant to go with dad

Or if I'm screamingly lonely

Original poster

Mrsmaitai · 31/12/2016 21:17

No you're right, sorry not entirely sure why I used that term, I never have before.....

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 21:20

On some forums bio mum is used when stepparents are discussing them. Just not here

Original poster

Mrsmaitai · 31/12/2016 21:24

Doh - it does sound awfully offensive now I've thought about it. Typed without thinking. I'm sure I'll continue to be slammed for it lol

OP posts:

WannaBe · 31/12/2016 21:25

How old are the DSC?

It wouldn't occur to me to text my eXH like this, but then my DS is fourteen and has his own phone which I do call/text. However, if eXH is unable to get hold of DS on his mobile (typical teen who doesn't always answer/respond) then he will call my landline or even my mobile to speak to him. I have no issue with this.

Original poster

Mrsmaitai · 31/12/2016 21:28

Only 7 and 8

OP posts:

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 21:31

She is probably lonely and missing them. I honestly don't think there is any other reason.

If it is annoying your DP then he needs to tell her but I would not make an issue of it unless she is texting every hour.

MrTumblesbitch · 31/12/2016 21:33

As others have said - it depends on how ds was (did he want to go, was he clingy, was I worried about him being settled) and also just plain, do I miss him.

I've totally no problems If ds dad does the same. Surely caring about your child is normal and, well, to be encouraged? Ds dad sometimes texts me and asks for photos of what ds is up to. I can't imagine ever refusing or feeling weird about it.

pieceofpurplesky · 31/12/2016 21:41

DS and I text constantly when he is not here. He is 12. He doesn't stay overnight often ( twice in six months) and when he does his dad is in bed early so he often facetimes me.

pieceofpurplesky · 31/12/2016 21:41

Also I am sure he would live his dad to text him - but I even have to remind his dad to text in importation occasions!

Evergreen777 · 01/01/2017 01:09

I would guess she's lonely and missing them, probably more so since she split with the BF. Not quite sure why he's sharing the texts with you. I don't think I'd bother sharing that sort of thing with DH if my ex did it. Unless your BF is feeling uneasy about it and asking your take on it.

Bluebell878275 · 01/01/2017 14:11

It depends on what she's like generally. If she's a normal co-parenting ex then it sounds like she's just missing them and wants to reach out at that moment. If she's similar to my DH's ex then it is a little more calculating than that. The ex in my situation will not entertain the idea that my DSD has a 'home' here with us so has text many times in the past saying she wished DSD was at home with her, can't wait to have you home etc..she just wants to reinforce to DSD that she only has one home and we are some distant relatives she has to endure seeing EOW. Hoping it's the first senario as the second is shit.

NeverGoOutOfStyle · 01/01/2017 23:58

When DSS with us she rarely makes any contact unless he'd been particularly badly behaved for her that week, and often on the Sunday afternoon to tell us if she wants us to drop him off at her house or her parents house. If she has gone to do something that weekend or has gone out we won't hear anything from her at all. We never hear at all on our weekday overnight.

During the days when he isn't with us she'll phone everyday sometimes a few times, maybe missing one day in the 4 she has him. Sometimes it's because DSS wants to speak to his Dad, usually it's to complain about something he has done, or ask what to do with him (if he won't go to sleep, eat his tea etc)

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