We are being used as a punishment!

[MrsWickens]

We weren't going to see the stepchildren until tomorrow but my OH has just received a text saying that because they are rude, ungrateful and being a handful their mother is bringing them to us within the hour.

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with being a punishment!

Oh I'm sorry, I giggled!
I bet they will be glad to get to yours. She sounds pretty awful.

Is their mother on her own? Perhaps she's at the end of her tether and needs support. Does she have form for this kind of thing?

She hasn't been on her own since she was 20. Doesn't leave a relationship until she has another lined up. This is factual, not a dig.

She does have form. Has texted OH at 11.30pm ish to say she is outside with them because they have been annoying her.

Shouldn't really be surprised, should I?!

It won't be a punishment from us. It's just the way she says it to them.

Maybe the poor dc played up so they could be punished by being sent to you?

I hadn't thought about it like that alot

She sounds a total misery to have said that to her dc on Christmas Day, I'm sure they'll have a nice time with you

I once dropped my DS at a friend after a very long "phase" ..On my own with him school holidays so no rest bite( doesn't see dad) ..She had him for the afternoon..It wasn't a punishment ..He just had a normal afternoon there and I had a break to get myself together to be in a fit state to parent him again..

No idea what the situation is in your case but it is Christmas day Welcome them and let them have a nice end to the day.

I've been there. Single mum for years. I know how it feels to need a break. The difference is I never used their dad as a punishment. Behave or I will take you to your dad is not the right thing to say or do. Ring dad and ask if they can come over so she can have a break by all means but don't let them know that's why they are going.

They will be fine here.

Poor things. But at least they have you to show them that isn't normal behaviour.

I once picked up my dsd to take her on holiday with me ( I wasn't with her Dad then). As dsd loaded her bags, her mum in all seriousness told me not to bother bringing her back at the end of the holiday .

Hope you all have a lovely day despite their mum.

Well unless they hate being at yours it's not really good to work as a punishment is it? She sounds as if she's at the end of her teather and the DC likely overtired and it's all got too much.

You might as well have them and make the best of it. Christmas can be a stressful time. If they seem upset about it, I'd just tell them their mum was feeling tired out and needed some quiet time. You don't want to get involved in whatever has gone on at her house to trigger them being brought to yours if you can help it.

Maybe she.d reached the end of her tether. Some dcs are ungrateful whatever you do.dont judge just be great full. Some don't get any chance of seeing both parents at all.

Behave or I will take you to your dad is not the right thing to say or do.

I have a friend who does this - unsurprisingly, her DCs are totally confused as to how they should feel about their Dad - their Mum expects them not to enjoy themselves, and when they do, they feel guilty.
Very sad.

We had this for years with my DH's children being dumped on our doorstep at odd times. It was fine as we loved having them (made a nice change from his ex continually changing her mind about access!). This combined with : "if you don't like it you can go and live at your dad's" so often over the years that one of them finally had enough and DID come and live with us! That was 7 years ago - the best thing that ever happened actually - for him and for us. Needless to say she is regretting it now but it goes to show that you reap what you sow!

I think the message behind it is that in some cases, the resident parent feel that they get all the negative of parenting whilst the non resident parent gets the fun, so being 'dumped' at the other parent, is not a punishment, it's sharing a bit of the 'not so fun to be a parent'.

It's nice you get to spend extra time with them

It's nice you get to spend extra time with them

What; NRP's should be grateful that they are being used as a "threat" when their DC's misbehave so they get more equal parenting time ?

I'd be absolutely LIVID if my exH turned up on the doorstep with my DD during "his" time - and she knew from a very young age that if she turned up here under her own steam having fallen out with him, that she'd be taken straight back.

Does that make me a dreadful mother and mean that I wouldn't appreciate spending more than 50% of time with her?

No it bloody doesn't. What it means is that I don't expect my ex to default on his parenting by using me as the ultimate threat.

I would say it is more she has had enough and less about your house being a punishment.

My teenage son was a nightmare for a while and for my own sanity I had to send him to his dads a few times. It wasn't punishment it was support for me. Exdh understood that and never said no because as the other parent he stepped up.