Giving up on this step-parenting lark

[ChanseysEgg]

After 10months in this relationship, I feel undervalued and unloved. Here's the setup:

DP has his DC (age 7) for 50% of the time. DP still invites me over during this time (and frequently asks me to move in).

DP is a Disney parent. I am 100% ignored when DC is there. Not even a cuddle or a conversation. (Perhaps normal? This is my first step-parenting experience; in that case, why invite me around?)

I get on well with DC. I think they are lovely and have as good rapore with them. When I am present, DC will always want to play with me. They are constantly wanting my attention. It is not unusual for me to single-handedly entertain his DC for hours while he hides away in his office. I always facilitate this but when DC are not around I tell their dad that I need some space sometimes, that I've got work to do and can't be a babysitter whenever I visit. His response is "just tell DC to go away then". Obviously, I feel very uncomfortable doing this. DC are not my children and I don't want to be rude or be seen to 'reject' them when I've worked so hard on building a good relationship with them. AIBU to think that it's DP's job to manage the situation?

Also consider this:

DP goes on very long work trips (2 weeks at a time) which means that when he returns, he has to "make up" that time in childcare. Totally understandable. However the consequence is that I get hardly any adult time with him. DC don't go to sleep until 10pm and by that point DP is too tired to converse or even just watch TV with me.

I feel unappreciated and neglected. I have a very stressful work situation at the moment and feel burned out and weepy but am receiving no support. It's getting depressing and isolating.

Is there anything I can do to salvage this relationship? Or shall I just accept that I shouldn't date a parent with this much contact time and find a man without children or a weekend dad?

Have any of you guys experienced similar?

Disclaimer: DP is a good father and very hands on most of the time. He's one of the best parents I know and dotes on his DC. His life revolves around his DC and secondly, his work.

At such an early stage of dating you shouldn’t even have met this boyfriends kids, never mind been parenting them for him! He hasn’t even made the bare minimum effort to be a decent boyfriend and you’ve stuck around, no wonder he wants you to move in. He’ll be able to palm his kids off 24 hours a day.
Men like this are ten a penny-create kids, break the relationship with the mother, quickly and easily find a woman who’ll provide sex, cleaning services and parent his kids for him, sloppily emotionally blackmail the new girlfriend to continue parenting his kids for him ‘so you hate my kids then/they’re crying coz they miss you’, impregnate the new girlfriend, get dumped again a few years later. Find the next girlfriend to raise all his kids for him. Baffles me how many women fall for this shit.

Oh for fucks sake, @NearlyThereMum why did you revive this FIVE year old thread???

ZOMBIE THREAD

I think he wants a girlfriend in a box - she pop out for sex, and childcare and generally having a girl around, and then he can stick her back in again when he has better things to do.

Given you aren’t deep in I would dump this one. I am a stepparent of a decade and you cannot do it if your partner doesn’t put work into the relationship, and this one doesn’t want to.

I’m also not convinced he’s the great parent you think he is. He’s clearly fairly good - but Disney parenting isn’t great - kids need boundaries, to be bored and to learn that other people have needs.

Dump and move on.

Also - cleaning your boyfriends house is weird - he can get a cleaner.

@NowEvenBetter

Oh for fucks sake, *@NearlyThereMum* why did you revive this FIVE year old thread???

ZOMBIE THREAD

Sick of this, should be suspended or banned for pointlessly resurrecting zombie threads.

This man doesn't have space for a relationship.

Unpaid babysitter with benefits (his mainly having sex on tap) whilst you get the pleasure of raising his child.

Run for the hills op. You are being used and he does not care about you at all to treat this way so early into the relationship.

Where is he going every two weeks? Are you sure he doesn't have another family somewhere else?

You sound like such a lovely person. Please think more highly of yourself and find someone who deserves you hopefully she has by now

ZOMBIE THREAD!

OP, you know his time constraints. If you are feeling that given his time commitments given his children and his job, that he does not seem to have the time or level of engagement that you require or need, then this is probably not the relationship that you need at this time.

Not a failure for either of you, it is just a case of needs and availability not being compatible at this time.

Hi all,
This is a zombie thread, apologies. We think it best to close now, do feel free to start another thread of course!