Stepson is rude

[Rocco14]

My 18 year old stepson has lived with me and his dad for 5 years, never met real mum, she had an affair and left him with his dad, I met his dad 1 year later and we have lived together for 4 years, whenever he meets his mum he comes back horrible telling me what I should be doing for him, obviously she is feeding him her views on me parenting him, yet she only sees him about 4 times a year, when he wants clothes or money off her , it drives me mad!!!!

What is he saying that you, rather than his dad, should be doing for him?

Is he working or studying? What does his dad say about what his son is coming out with?

Personally I'd be saying a) he's an adult and really doesn't need to be patented quite as much and b) you have been there for four years parenting him and if his mum thinks this care has been inadequate then he can pop over and live with her.

Ex partners can be very critical of the rp care but aren't willing to deal with the day to day stuff themselves.

He comes back telling me he needs to be eating more, that he need to put on weight ( which he does) I make sure there are always easy things in for him to eat, ready meals, snacks etc but he can't be bothered to make anything for himself and just eats the dinner I cook every night, I started making him chicken and rice that he could take to work but he said his mum had told him that he'd get food poisoning from the rice, he won't eat that anymore (like I'm trying to poison him! He doesn't go to her house at all, she does absolutely nothing for him apart from the odd trip out shopping where she buys him a couple of tops aaaarghhhh! My dh just tells me not to bother doing any extra for him as he's old enough to sort himself out but I feel it's my role to feed him just as I feed my own 11 year old daughter, I'm probably just trying too hard to please him

God, what a selfish little prig he sounds! If you're cooking for the family, tell him he's included, but apart from that, he can manage for himself! If he gives you anymore earache about the 'wonderful' mother, and his dad doesn't sort it...tell him to get on his bike!

I agree with your H. Let the rude, selfish, entitled little fucker cater for himself.

At 18, I'd got a job, moved out and cooked for myself. I would include him in what you're cooking for everyone else, but I wouldn't bother doing any more packed lunches for him!

Sorry but your ss sounds like a bit of an arse. Yes he eats with the family but if he won't even put a ready meal in the microwave then he can starve.

Stop enabling his behaviour. He's an adult.

Yep!!!! I'm going to get tough, reading this back has made me realise what a doormat I am!

Rocco,

What a strange boy. What a stupid mother. Nice of her to project her guilt onto you!

This would be a very easy one for me to solve. I would say something like "It's a shame you don't feel I am doing enough for you. It's better if you mum and dad take the lead now" and let all three of them get on with it.

Just step away and find something nice to do in the time you would have spent making an effort for him.

Sympathies! My resident DSD was always telling me things like 'my mum said you shouldn't cook chicken like that' or ' my mum said I don't have to text you when I'm out'. It's their loyalty to their parent who has left them in our care primarily, but still wants to throw their 'mother weight' without actually being there to do it. In the end I just said, let's leave your mother out of this, when you are with me, it's different. I feel sorry for the kids really, doesn't mean you have to suck it up though!