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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Pissed off

38 replies

Ifonly4oneday · 28/12/2015 04:34

DSD 7 hurt DS 2 over him picking up her juice. DSD lives with her mother but stays with us EOW. I've been with DP for nearly 6 years so DSD hasn't known any different really. DSD has younger brother at her mums too and often mentions him hitting her or biting etc and I don't know how it's dealt with but both herself and DS know that I don't tolerate violence.
DS adores his big sister and always wants to go with DP and picks her up, gets really excited when she's due to come etc , I feel they have a good relationship. I am also really fair and if there playing games I make sure DS understands Bout sharing and letting DSD have her go (I don't spoil him)
So DP and I were in the dining room, I just hear DS screaming and crying, I thought he'd hurt himself so ran through, he couldn't
Speak for crying ad DSD just stood there. So I was asking him
What happened,
Thinking he fell and bumped his head or something and he couldn't speak for crying he just kept touching his neck and was saying her name' DP was treating it like no problem and
Said with a smile"ur ok, ul be fine"
I couldn't believe he was turning a blind eye when clearly something wasn't right!! Total raging! I said to him to deal with it and find out what happened. DSD stated crying and I reassured her she's not in trouble but we must know what happened. She said that he'd picked up her drink and wouldn't give it back! She said that she was trying to get back from him and that was it! I know there was more to it as DS was really hurt and upset over it, I never see him like that.
I spoke to them both and asked DS to say sorry for taking her juice and DSD to apologise for what she did too! I also said that I won't accept snatching or violence in our home and would prefer if there was something upsetting DSD she comes to us and we will sort it!!
Absolutely raging that DP just accepted and wasn't going to do anything!!! I actually don't know what to think, I'm hoping it was just a one off, but worried about leaving them with DP now as don't know if he will deal with it properly.

OP posts:

Hurr1cane · 30/12/2015 06:40

Well your DP should have explained that. At 7 I think it's hard to grasp but a very good idea to do, to show them the value of things. Again it's a pretty normal reaction for a 7 year old to look at the amount of presents and not the price, but it sounds like you handled it perfectly.

Original poster

Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 06:46

I'm not jumping on anyone really and I appreciate the comments but I do feel that sometimes posters tend to be a bit unfair.
Looking at my OP it does seem really dramatic and.I suppose a lot of you have given me a kick and made me realise I am overreacting but some of yo have made it out as though I am some sort of wicked step mother taking sides and I am far from it. Anyway, thank you for your replies and I apologise for offending anyone.

OP posts:

Hurr1cane · 30/12/2015 06:49

I don't think you're a wicked stepmother. I think you're a mother of two very very young children and want to do the best for them and your SD. But I think you over reacted, not in the way you dealt with the situation at the time though. You got the story straight, told them both off for their seperate misbehaviours, told SD to come to you if DS was snatching her things, I think you were very fair on both of them. You're doing a really good job. Just calm down.

Your DP needs to up his game though. Now there's 3 children.

Original poster

Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 06:54

Thanks hurricane, I know he should have dealt with it and I think that's why I get frustrated, I have to deal with everything. I suppose I'm just worried because if things like that weren't explained maybe there would be jealousy and may be leaving DP in charge would be a mistake.

OP posts:

Hurr1cane · 30/12/2015 06:56

It can't be just down to you though. There's 3 children. One who's probably glued to your side and not letting you sleep or rest much, an active toddler and a 7 year old. You sound like you're trying very hard but he needs to start taking some of the burden off you or you'll run yourself into the ground and then who's going to look after them all?

rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2015 07:00

You sound like you're doing a great job. You want to be fair to everyone and you're trying to nip any potential problems in the bud.

I think you need to explain this to dp and also tell him that he needs to handle sibling conflict in a better way.

Chill out and have some

Original poster

Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 07:36

Thank you I do totally need to chill out a bit

OP posts:

WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan · 30/12/2015 09:14

Hurr1cane - how can you have never left a 9 year old unattended? Surely they don't folow you to the toilet? Are allowed to play in another room?

Hurr1cane · 30/12/2015 09:18

Nope he's not. He's severely unwell and also has disabilities. Yes I do take him to the toilet with me. It's not actually that hard. At all.

WillSomebodyThinkOfStefan · 30/12/2015 09:26

I think your circumstances are different then. I most definitely wouldn't be taking 3 boys aged 6, 8 and 10 with me to the toilet and I imagine most other parents would be the same.

Sunbeam1112 · 31/12/2015 09:48

It's clear in your tone and over reaction for you dislike to the child I am not the only one to pick this up! Most toddlers go through a phrase of biting you DS is not perfect! It sounds like the blame will always be on the older less favourable child. I supervise the my two DC correctly as does my DH but kids are kids and they will fight regardless at any age. It's clear your making the situation far worse than it actually was. If you think family life is like the Brady bunch where children don't fight then its clear that your in for a surprise in he next couple of years! Also drop the attitattitude accept that not everyone agrees with your post.

Hurr1cane · 31/12/2015 10:01

I don't think she is blaming her SDD at all. I think she's really anxious about her SDD becoming upset and wants it all to be perfect, which it won't be, but surely we've all been there in the early parenting years. Plus I think it sounds like there's a lot of anxiety bubbling under the surface

lookluv · 02/01/2016 13:13

2 siblings had a fight - no one suffered , they redrew some boundaries and OP over reacted.

She actually dealt with it right, explanation and both apologise - the rest was OTT. Men walk away from the majority of conflict regardless of the family set up. He sees his 2 kids had a fight - move on. OP sees her precious upset for the first time , DSD involved and goes a tad post crazy!

I have seen my DCs fight and at 2-3yr old DD could pull the biggest drama, when other DC had not touched them ( witnesses by me!)

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