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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Pissed off

38 replies

Ifonly4oneday · 28/12/2015 04:34

DSD 7 hurt DS 2 over him picking up her juice. DSD lives with her mother but stays with us EOW. I've been with DP for nearly 6 years so DSD hasn't known any different really. DSD has younger brother at her mums too and often mentions him hitting her or biting etc and I don't know how it's dealt with but both herself and DS know that I don't tolerate violence.
DS adores his big sister and always wants to go with DP and picks her up, gets really excited when she's due to come etc , I feel they have a good relationship. I am also really fair and if there playing games I make sure DS understands Bout sharing and letting DSD have her go (I don't spoil him)
So DP and I were in the dining room, I just hear DS screaming and crying, I thought he'd hurt himself so ran through, he couldn't
Speak for crying ad DSD just stood there. So I was asking him
What happened,
Thinking he fell and bumped his head or something and he couldn't speak for crying he just kept touching his neck and was saying her name' DP was treating it like no problem and
Said with a smile"ur ok, ul be fine"
I couldn't believe he was turning a blind eye when clearly something wasn't right!! Total raging! I said to him to deal with it and find out what happened. DSD stated crying and I reassured her she's not in trouble but we must know what happened. She said that he'd picked up her drink and wouldn't give it back! She said that she was trying to get back from him and that was it! I know there was more to it as DS was really hurt and upset over it, I never see him like that.
I spoke to them both and asked DS to say sorry for taking her juice and DSD to apologise for what she did too! I also said that I won't accept snatching or violence in our home and would prefer if there was something upsetting DSD she comes to us and we will sort it!!
Absolutely raging that DP just accepted and wasn't going to do anything!!! I actually don't know what to think, I'm hoping it was just a one off, but worried about leaving them with DP now as don't know if he will deal with it properly.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 28/12/2015 04:47

Your reaction is OTT take a step back

Hurr1cane · 28/12/2015 04:51

Your reaction was OTT I agree. It happens. You speak to them and tell them both how to handle it next time (DS to ask for his own drink, Dd to come to you) that's it. Things like that happen with children in the heat of the moment. You shouldn't be raging at your DP, or scared it'll happen again, that's way overboard for a little argument over juice

Sprink · 28/12/2015 04:57

So your DP tried to comfort DS and your reaction is to consider banning him from looking after his own child because you don't agree with his approach?

Here, have a grip.

BugPlaster · 28/12/2015 05:06

It does happen. Are you reacting so strongly because you feel DH should have dealt with it and not you? Because it sounds like you dealt with it.

Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 28/12/2015 05:35

Yeah bug, I'm pissed off because he didn't deal with it.
Yes I may seem OTT and I realise these things happen with kids, but I also realise in these situations there can be a lot of jealousy between siblings and feel that DP should take things more seriously!

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 28/12/2015 05:59

I think you should take things less seriously. I don't think there was any jealously, I think your DS tried to take something that wasn't his and didn't give it back, and your DSD struggled with him to get it back and ended up accidentally hurting her brother.

Totally normal sibling stuff on both sides.

redskirt3 · 28/12/2015 06:44

I have two kids of similar ages to yours and that sounds like pretty "normal" sibling behaviour in our house. I'm not really sure of the best way to deal with it, I try to get involved as little as possible in the hope that they'll gradually sort out their own sibling relationship - obviously they get told off for hitting each other etc though. The 2 year old is starting to dob in the older one but I've observed her claiming that she's been hit when she definitely hasn't!

maybebabybee · 28/12/2015 06:47

This is totally normal sibling behaviour. You are massively overreacting.

Nanofone · 28/12/2015 07:33

I think the 'step' angle is irrelevant - this is pretty normal sibling behaviour.

Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 28/12/2015 08:30

Oh well that's good, DS didn't dob on DSD, it was DSD that told us what had happened, I couldn't get it out of DS because he was so terribly upset, which I'm not used to as he very rarely cries. However there has been a lot of attention seeking on DSD part of late, eg telling stories about her DM, step dad. So with that change in behaviour and the carry on yesterday I do feel concerned

OP posts:
lunar1 · 28/12/2015 08:39

What is she saying about her mum and step dad? How have you ascertained it's just stories and attention seeking?

Buttons23 · 28/12/2015 19:51

I think you need to relax a little, that is pretty normal sibling behaviour. You would have hated me and my sister when we were younger! Unless your dsd makes a habit of picking on her younger brother then I wouldn't worry. She clearly knows she did something wrong.

As for the not letting your oh watch his own children over this, that's a joke surely? yes he could have told dsd off but it's really a little issue.

Sunbeam1112 · 28/12/2015 22:01

Complete over reaction! I have two children same age they both fight! Its what siblings do.The two year old can be a right buggar and had bitten her older brother hes also fought with her. So please don't blame the older child or think he cannot be trusted. Both children can be just as bad! Also why would you leave both unattended in the first place. Don't make an issue out of this and risk alienating DP child!

Sunbeam1112 · 28/12/2015 22:07

Also if i was your SD mother i wouldn't want you around my child..seems apparent your not fond of this child. They are 7 they tell tales all the time. My DS is the same. I don't alienate him because he accidently hurt his sister. We certainly don't make massive drama we explain no fighting. To be pissed off with a 7year old really get a bloody grip! Poor kid you make them sound as if they are some sort of villian.

Hurr1cane · 29/12/2015 18:10

Actually that's a point. I wouldn't leave a 2 year old unattended anyway.

SparkleSoiree · 29/12/2015 18:19

I sense you are more frustrated that your partner didn't protect your son against your SD. The reality is that whilst only one of those children is your biological child they are both your partner's biological children and therefore you cannot possibly expect him to choose one over another on your insistence. Parents with more than one child see this all the time with siblings, including step siblings. You cannot turn normal sibling behaviour into a behavioural issue about your step daughter. It's not fair on her or your partner and if I was her mother and caught on that she was being unfairly treated in relation to discipline I would not be a happy mother at all.

As for you being worried about leaving his own children with him, relax. They are equally his children and you really need to give him more credit. Dads really do get a bum deal sometimes in step family situations.

Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 05:43

Sunbeam, hello, who said anything about being pissed off with 7 year old. And as for ur 2 year old biting, my DS doesn't. The only reason I was a bit stressed by it was because my DP was just going to ignore and not even ask what happened. DSD often talks about her DB at her mothers biting, hitting, smacking n and that doesn't happen in my house. I've had DSD in my lie sincek she was 18mo and we are close. My OP probably seemed OTT. Also, I will add that I felt I was very fair under the circumstances. I wouldn't ban him from looking after his 2 kids.
I must add we also have 3mo DS so my hormones all over place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 05:53

Oh and for the record Beam, if there's no problem, why wouldn't I leave them unattended??they were in the hallway for literally a minute, should my dad and I be standing.over their every move, do you do that? Maybe you need to get a grip in that case eh .

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 06:05

Oh and hurricane, I sense you are a psychologist? Just saying!
Sparkle I do see what you are saying, I wouldn't expect him to choose, I just wanted him to deal with it. Also I realise that it is normal sibling behaviour but I am not used to it in our household.

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 30/12/2015 06:14

A psychologist? Where would you get that from? I'm a teacher, and a mum, I also have siblings and half siblings, and I wouldn't leave a two year old unattended because they're still very young.

Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 06:25

Well you have said your opinion and that you don't think there is any jealousy and that DS took something that's not his. This could well be what happened but none of you know all the ins and outs.

OP posts:
GreenRug · 30/12/2015 06:30

Some harsh replies here OP, but with kindness, I do think you are over reacting. If i tried to get to the bottom of every time one of mine made another one cry I wouldn't have time to do anything else. It isn't a nice thought that your dsd possibly did something to hurt her younger brother but I think unless it becomes a pattern of behaviour it's just a case of very annoying, often upsetting, sibling in-fighting.

GreenRug · 30/12/2015 06:33

And anyone who manages to never leave their 2 year old unattended when you have a house to run and 2 other kids to see to, hats off to you!!

Hurr1cane · 30/12/2015 06:36

It's you that said that he took something that wasn't his. Not me. He took DDs drink.

And I've managed to never leave my 9 year old unattended but that's not really the issue is it? It sounds like the OP has got herself in a panic over her SDD unnecessarily and I was trying to make her feel better and calm down by telling her how normal it is. So we're so many other posters. But seems we've got jumped on. I'm not sure why

Original poster
Ifonly4oneday · 30/12/2015 06:37

This phone grr, ihadnt finished... So we were at MIL that morning and they were getting their Christmas gifts and DSD had been given a tablet and DS a scooter a helmet and knee pads. DSD made a comment that DS got 3 presents and she only got 1. Even MIL was taken aback. Again, I had to do the parenting and say about the value and that they are different types of gifts etc.
What I'm getting at is this was not long before we went home and the drama began. So maybe this is why I put it down to jealousy because everything was put of character.

OP posts:
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