Am I being horrible?

[AppleBanana]

DSS is 7. I've known him since he was 2.

As he's got older and I've had my own DC I've stopped being as affectionate with him. It just feels a bit forced now. He's an older child, not a cute little kid and I have two little ones of my own who are constantly climbing all over me.

My DH keeps having a go at me for not showing DSS lots of affection. We have a good relationship and I'm very fond of him, but it just doesn't come naturally any more like it did when he was really little IYSWIM?

Is DH right? Am I being horrible?

River, the people saying physical affection is inappropriate aren't the same people saying the OP shouldn't withdraw it.

I understand that, but from the OP's point of view it's pretty disheartening when both courses of action are thoroughly condemned. What is she meant to take from that?

I don't blame her for leaving the thread, those first few posts are horrible. I truly don't understand why people are so determined to see posters in the worst light possible.

By all means let's discuss the fact that OP needs to be careful in how she treads re: physical affection and her stepchild, but why people feel the need to pile on and call her 'a total shit' 'disgraceful', someone who thinks her stepchild is unimportant, that stepkids don't matter, that she's 'screwing up' the child etc etc...it's totally beyond me, TBH.

From what I understand people are doing it out of a place of pure concern and outrage on behalf of the child, but I don't get why that means OP is relegated to someone who doesn't deserve simple human respect and courtesy because she doesn't fit the mould of someone's idea of correct stepmother behaviour.

Thank god there are also plenty of more measured posts as well, coming down on both sides of the issue.

YABU. He's just a little boy. You need to rethink how you engage with him, your DH is right IMO.

In terms of letting the child initiate, otherwise not being affectionate. Well, I was a kid who wouldn't ask for a cuddle. My mum is one of those don't tread on any toes, type people. She didn't initiate with me, I didn't ask. We got quite distant (she's my real mum). Once in my 30's she gave me a proper cuddle when I was really ill. It meant a huge amount to me, and I realised how much affection I missed from about the age of 8 when I refused to be vulnerable enough to seek affection. If I'm actively pushed away, I wouldn't force affection but i think sometimes children, especially hurt children, won't seek affection though they still really need it.

I don't blame the OP for leaving the thread after thos first few posts....why would she want to read such nasty comments, when she was obviously looking for help and advice?