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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Dss told me to f off!!

20 replies

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 15:15

Background - I've sole care for a while of dp dss as he's working away, not contactable. Dss spent some pocket money on rubbish and now can't afford something he wants. We'd previously agreed i keep a portion

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Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 15:23

Oops posted too soon.

We'd previously agreed to keep a portion of his money back as he wants to go somewhere later in the week and he's hopeless with money. Anyway he just demanded to have it. I explained i hadn't any change at the mo, resulting in him getting angry and telling me to f off.

Its not necessarily a sp issue but a teenage issue. I'm inclined to not give him anything now! What would you do?

OP posts:

xmasbaby2014 · 01/08/2015 16:09

I have 2 dcs and 3 sdcs aged between 9 and 13 and if any of them spoke to me like that there is not a chance in hell they'd be getting anything. Did he apologise?

xmasbaby2014 · 01/08/2015 16:09

I have 2 dcs and 3 sdcs aged between 9 and 13 and if any of them spoke to me like that there is not a chance in hell they'd be getting anything. Did he apologise?

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 16:21

Nope he's still stewing :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 16:22

Thanks xmas

OP posts:

NeuNewNouveau · 01/08/2015 16:25

How old is he?

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 16:29

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Jerseyknit · 01/08/2015 16:33

My 13 year old has sworn at me in temper once. It's a rare occurrence. Totally unacceptable but I would pick my battles. They test boundaries and I can't imagine how hard it must be to manage as a step parent. I would however expect an apology an acceptance it is not appropriate. You sound like a like a lovely step mum.

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 16:34

Thanks Jersey, I expect he will apologise in time. Would you still give him the money or not?

OP posts:

hesterton · 01/08/2015 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarOnTop · 01/08/2015 16:58

wait for the apology first. then let him decide whether he wants to go to the pre-planned outing for which this money was saved - or not. he needs to learn how to manage his money and that if he doesn't - well you're not going to bail him out come activity day.

ImperialBlether · 01/08/2015 17:00

Why is he with you and not with his mum, if his dad can't be there?

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 17:31

Hmm no apology forthcoming so far. His mum isn't around.

OP posts:

Melonfool · 01/08/2015 17:35

dss here is 14, not had this yet but we've been close.

I say "what makes you think that is appropriate?" and let him stew. But I do also give him an 'out', I might say "if you want to go to your room and come down in twenty minutes in a better mood then we can move forward", they back themselves into corners, need to give them an escape route.

Re why is he with her......it's summer hols. I expect it's like my situation.... dp is away two days next week, the DM seems to have forgotten it's holidays, they do always sneak up on her, I am working at home Monday and have a day off Tue. So dss will be with me. I don't exactly have a choice. Though I have a dog to look after and we have an eleven year old from Belarus staying, so I will be narked if dss plays up.

The week after the DM has a week off work. I've said to DP he is to tell her she's having him all week as we will have had him pretty much full time for three weeks (longer in fact, he's with her this weekend but she hasn't had him for the past five weekends or weekdays) and we're taking him away for a week and two weekends, plus paying for his scout camp the week after. So we can live without contact for that one week. I am looking forward to it. (bet she refuses and says he still has to be here Mon and Tue which are dp contact [usually just after school and overnight] days. At which point I shall have one of my meltdowns if dp doesn't sort it).

Original poster

Needaglassofwinedotcom · 01/08/2015 18:49

Just had an apology. This parenting is such a roller coaster

OP posts:

CalmYourselfTubbs · 01/08/2015 18:54

even though he's apologised he'd still get nowt from me.
his behaviour is despicable.

BlueBlueSea · 01/08/2015 20:50

Teenagers swearing is the least of it. I ignore bad language, too easy for them to use it as a battle.

Good if he has apologised. I would give him his money and let him see what happens when he runs out.

Melonfool · 01/08/2015 23:45

I agree BlueBlue, a bit of swearing is really the least of our worries here.

MeridianB · 03/08/2015 09:22

"Good if he has apologised. I would give him his money and let him see what happens when he runs out."

^ I agree with Blue and hesterton. No bailouts. He's old enough to live with consequences of his actions.

Melonfool · 03/08/2015 10:59

dss asked me recently if I could keep half his pocket money to stop him spending it - I said no, work it out for yourself. Sounds mean but really, it's a lesson worth learning early, not having a crutch to support you continually.

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