Does it ever get better?

[Guinnessgirl1]

I have a very jealous DSS who is coming up to 19, we have had a hard few years since his arrival back on 'the scene' (his mother took them away and poisoned them against their Dad (there are 3 of them), me and my grown up kids have a really good relationship with his Dad, he has ADHD but uses this as an excuse to attention seek, he gets himself into loads of bother and upsets lots of people then turns on the water works so to speak to get out of the trouble he has knowingly caused, its like ADHD is his badge of honour and uses it as an excuse for his behaviour. as I said he is almost 19 so will this ever get any better? luckily he doesn't live with us, he has a GF and Baby so lives with them.

Sounds like there is a lot of emotion flying around! He may well be confused and conflicted about his Dad too, is there any kind of good relationship there? Sounds like the boy could do with a bit of firm but fair Dad input? He's young to have a baby and GF and still sounds like he hasn't matured.

I had a DSD who was 19 and volatile, not as much as your DSS, she also got a BF and got pregnant when she was 20 and there was a lot of drama - but now 24 she's definately getting more mature. So there is hope.

Thanks, yes he needs guidance but since he isn't receptive to this even from his own and certainly not from me. I am no longer a step-parent, late on last week he threatened to shoot me in the face with his air rifle, everyone in the family saw what went on and his threat so I am no longer his step-parent, I disown him, there is no relationship there, this is the culmination of 2 years of him getting away with (practically) murder because his dad didn't see him for 3 years prior to that... hope this is a lesson to all those disney Dads (and mums) out there.

What a horrendous experience for you. That is very dangerous behaviour and I hope all of his family realise he needs professional help. Please for your own safety if he ever tries something similar again call the police immediately he is not to be trusted.

I take it you don't know much about young adolescents with special needs.

OMG a rifle in the face? That is much more serious than I thought. Of course you have to protect yourself and get out of that. I'm so sorry it is this bad.

So, how is this going to be handled Guinnesssgirl, will he still come to your home and will you just not be there, or will he not come any more...it must have been very scary for you!

Atually I have a Son who has ADHD and because I didn't let him get away with shit he didn't turn out like this, what I do know is that his Mother wouldn't let his father chastise them when they were together, this was the one thing they argued about, she let them get away with anything they wanted, now he returned with this attitude that he could do and say whatever he wanted and his Dad is too scared he will tell him to f* off and never see him again, he won't get a grip on him either.

DSS had the nerve to ask his Dad and me to babysit a few days later, his Dad said "no sorry, I'm busy". which is his usual excuse but told me it was because of what he has done and said... how the hell is he supposed to know its punishment and not just 'because he is busy' if he is not going to say is how it is? or am I in the wrong here???

This is not the first time he has been threatening towards me, last time I took the decision to make him leave, this time there is no way back for him into my life, and I say MY life not his Dads life, I never made him choose between us, he is his Son for life I could leave the relationship just as his Dad could at any time.

He won't be welcome back in my house, he will have to stay away and if we have his Daughter at all then she will have to be picked up and dropped off my my Husband, someone has to take a stand!

We were able to see DH's granddaughter last night, everything is so much better now I have deleted my position in his DS's life, I am not stressed, DH is not playing second fiddle and piggy in the middle, I am feeling supported for the first time by my DH.

We had the most wonderful couple of hours on our own with her, and (although we don't have children together) it felt like she was ours for a little while :) :) :)

finally feel like things are looking up, DH has been in the un-enviable position of having to make me and his DS separate parts of his life, which as long as our GDD isn't kept from us (which they wouldn't as they are always on the beg for someone to look after her) I can't say how this would be hard to do as we don't all have to live with one another.