As a step parent I feel like I have post natal depression/Im being a bitch..

[avocadosarentmiddleclassed]

All of the symptoms match how I feel in relation my DSD (8 years old)

I am feeling a lot like I want to escape and get away.

She tends to just want to either play on her dads iPod (Minecraft) or watch TV literally all the time.

I feel like I can't connect with her and very small things annoy me. e.g Today I bought some sushi and offered her some, she took some salmon off the top of a piece, played with it smelled it then said she didn't want it. I said that now you've played with it you have to eat it- she looked really upset and said it smells weird. In the end I told her to give it to her Dad.

I don't tend to respond with anger or irritation externally, I tend to just hide in the bedroom when she is here.

This weekend's been particularly bad.

I went into town to meet a friend earlier and when I got back suggested going around a local lake on bikes.

DSD was very excited about this but when we got there she wanted to stop every 2 minutes. DH is very patient and kind and he kept stopping but I wanted to have a bit of a work out so would go fast then when they caught up with me I sat on a bench to let them have a rest.

We headed for a cafe as DSD wanted ice cream but they were lagging behind, DSD shouted wait wait but I was so thrilled to finally be getting some exercise that I said "NO." I felt uncharacteristically irritated and inflexible and kind of like these 2 (usually) couch potatoes were cramping my style.

She shouted back; "you don't know what it's like for an 8 year old" and I said "I do" (when I was 8 I used to cycle miles with my dad.)

In the end I said to DH "why don't you two go back home and I'll bike back?" He agreed and off I went.

Since I got back they've just been watching TV for hours on end and Ive been staying away as I feel so bad that I can't integrate with them and I'm just this background figure in our house.

I just went down stairs to watch TV with them and after 3 of DSD's cartoons I took the remote and said I would choose something. (to make a point more than anything)

DSD and DH wined and wined that I had skimmed past a programme about the Clangers so I just put it on and left the room feeling pissed off.

Im just being an irritable grumpy bitch (my step mother was bordering on abusive) I feel an absence of love which really disturbs me.

To avoid messing this kids head up, I'm thinking about leaving. Literally leaving for good.

How ridiculous this thread has become! Because some are trying to be the voice of reason, that automatically makes them into wicked step-mothers??? And on what is this based...one post wnich has been surmised about with no actual knowledge of the reality...what is this, a witch hunt?? OK, my last post on this, it'll probably get taken down soon anyway as it's become so contentious!

whoops it's become the Regina show.. let it out babe.

Thanks for all of the constructive comments, it's helped reading how shocked some of you were, some of the abuse was a catalyst for my apology and a wonderful deep conversation with DH tonight where I feel some progress has been made in the right direction.

If I'd been really a bully I don't think I'd have called myself on it, I'd have seen no problem with my behaviour.

I'm out now. But thanks all.

You say voice of reason I say bully sympathisers. Each of us has their own view.

I have let it out thanks babe. In regards to progress in the right direction does that mean you are going to behave like a grown up now?

I don't think your therapy is working op

Well, with regard to the OP "hiding in her room" - two things:

1. we are always being told on here "they're not your kids, step away, let the parent deal with it, if you feel you're getting too involved leave the room/take some time out" - and yet when we admit to doing that somehow people are suggesting this is indicative of some big problem.

2). The OP wondered if she suffered from depression. The term "hiding" would, to me, be a bit of an indicator that someone maybe did suffer from depression. Rather than thinking she must therefore be a spiteful calculating bully I might actually think she was sad and found the situation isolating and difficult to cope with.

So, no, not ignored, no 'agenda' (whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean anyway), just something I didn't originally comment on.

I note none of the name callers have actually been able to say which of the behaviour, without adding their own spin ('agenda'?) indicated bullying of the child.

I felt her whole OP was showing her to be a bully. I said that ages ago and stop calling us name callers it is very childish.....bit like the OP really.

I never added a spin or agenda I explained why I felt she was spiteful and bullying nor did I add anything to it, go back and read my posts no spin there. Only spin I can see is being spun by those of you who are justifying her behaviour and saying poor op when really it should be the poor child who receives the sympathy.

Avocado, no idea how you are really with your dsd but some nasty comments to fellow posters that do you no favours. Telling someone they've monopolised all the depressions there are, saying someone who disagrees with you is making it their "show"? Just not nice.

As for the let it all out/show your dark self to kids - sorry, no. Within the context of your adult intimate relationship feel free to negotiate whatever boundaries suit you, but with kids, you just have to be the grown up - and that means keeping a very tight rein on childish, coercive, harsh and manipulative behaviour. It is a choice. You can feel whatever feelings you have, but your behaviour isn't kind, co-operative or otherwise prosocial. I'm glad you at least say sorry, that's good, but you're finding fault over really tiny things and behaving inconsistently, withdrawing etc - and you sound like you really dislike this kid for being a kid.

Make a commitment to be kind and cultivate kindness or get out of this kid's life.

I think you sound remarkably arrogant OP. You're claiming to feel terrible about the whole thing with your SD yet you're certainly not coming across that way and have basically painted an entirely different picture in your later posts after you've been told bluntly how unpleasant your behaviour was. It's as if you're now trying minimise your behaviour and you seem more angry at having been pulled up on it than anything else. If you're as self centred in real life as you are on this thread and sadly I suspect you are, then you've no business being in this relationship at all and making that child unhappy with your petulant and resentful behaviour. I really hope your DP sees sense and stops putting up with this on behalf of his child who is not capable of dealing with you and the issues towards her that you clearly have.

You behaved horribly, then minimised it and attacked posters who told you stuff you didn't want to hear. You may be receiving counselling but I am wondering if that counselling is actually damaging with regards to your relationships with your SD. The thing with counselling is it is quite rightly all about you and your needs and that focus on your issues may not be particularly helpful when you're trying to build a relationship with a child who must often have allowances made for them. Maybe now is nit the right time to be in this relationship?

whoops it's become the Regina show.. let it out babe.

Is this a joke? Your poor step daughter. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that. As the adult be the bigger person and get a grip

I will continue to rally against the step mother hating society that we live in
Just commenting on this. Why is it that everytime a comment is made about a SM's behaviour, it is attributed to their role as a SM?

Personally, if I had read elsewhere a mum recounting the cycling event with her daughter, I would have said exactly the same thing.

It's all well to say that you have a bad day, that you apologised etc... but parents have bad days too and find it all hard, but that doesn't excuse hurting a child's feeling. Your behaviour was that, hurtful and selfish. So you made it up to her and all is forgotten. That's all good, and if indeed it was a one off event, then I'm sure there will be no damage done, but if it is a case that each time you are stressed, instead of removing yourself you act in a way that is going to hurt your SD's feeling, then you will have only yourself to blame when she goes out of her way to hurt your feelings back.