At my wits end

[Melindakinda]

I am recently married after being with my husband for 4 and a half years I have one daughter from a previous relationship and I'm expecting our first together DH has a son 16 from his first marriage and I am sorry and almost ashamed to say I don't like him!
I have tried to be nice and understanding but things are getting to far!
Firstly his parents split way before I came on the scene his mother married another man and has had two more kids with him.
I thought he felt pushed out so I made an extra effort with him.
Ensuring he felt loved and wanted.
But slowly I begin to dislike him.
The way he talks to people is bad and the way he treats them.
His dad admits he is a spoilt brat but nothing ever gets done every family day out he spoils with a tantrum he has no friends because of how immature he acts.
He purposely does things to annoy.
It does not help that mother in kaw seems to think he's an angel!
Father in law knows the truth but I'm not sure how much more I can take!
We went to Florida and almost every day he was picking fights with his dad if he does not get his own way he threatens violence!
Or something else.
I have no idea what to do.

He is a teenager and most teenagers are horrid and do test their parents. When it is your own you have memories of when they were lovely and look forward to them being nice again, knowing it is a phase.

When you have a step teenager you don't have any of the love that gets you through the teenager years with your own. It is going to be hard and you are unlikely to be the one to change or get through to him. If he is immature it will probably last for another 3 or 4 years.

I would suggest stepping back and concentrating on your DD and new baby. If he can not behave then don't take him out on treats and let your DH deal with him.

Really good advice from Calico.
The threats of violence sound really grim. How does your DH respond to these?

'When they're a baby you could eat them up. When they're a teen, you wish you had'!

I agree, good advice from Calico...and Melon, I sooo get that sentiment!!! When it's your own child, whatever they do, no matter how trying/obnoxious they are...the connection to them is based in love, and it gets you through. When it's someone else's child (even your DH's) that connection is not there and I'm sorry to say, most of the time you'd just like them to disappear! So OP, you can't do anything, it's down to his parents, so the only thing you can do to preserve your sanity, is disconnect as much as is possible for you to do without rocking too many boats!

If he threatens violence then your dp needs to tell him that he will not put up with that manipulation and should he be violent then the police get called.