apparantly ill never be stepmum

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

I am not married to dp but have been with him for 3 yrs. On here I refer to dsd as stepkids as it's easier.

I was out shopping with dsd and we were in a shop. She was buying false nails and asked if mum was here. I said I was the adult with her. Fine. Then I was talking to dsd and said well one day if I ever marry your dad I'd be your step mum. Well all he'll has broken loose.

Dsd told mum and mums gone ballistic.FFS.

I have one DSC who always when introducing me/talking about me, refers to me as Step-mum...the other DSC refers to me as dads wife! Not sure what I really feel about either term tbh! When talking to me or about me to DH its always as 'Widgin' and I think I'd prefer that!

My DSD was about 15 when I met DP. He came to.live with us at 17 and has just moved into his own home with his fiancee after us supporting them while they saved for a deposit. He calls me by my name or dad's girlfriend. His fiancee calls me his stepmum. They bought me a gift on mother's day and I was very touched. He loves his mother very much but she makes little effort . She drives and lives less than an hour away and has not been to see the home he is so proud of . I want to shake her!

I find the word mum very emotive - my Ex told my DCs that their stepmum and sister were family. They did not like it and I have to say the concept, of said woman using the word mum in any format in relation to my children makes my blood boil!

That has a lot to do with how she came into their lives and her actions since.

We know nothing of how the OPs relationship started and the issues - which may be valid on either side - before everyone rushes to condemn

I view my dss as part of my family and my sister sees him as part of our wider family.

None of that negates his relationship with his mother and her family, there isn't some limit on how many people you are allowed to consider to be in your family, and liking one person doesn't mean you've got less like left for another person.

I think the best thing you can do, if a stranger in a shop mistakes you for 'actual mum', smile like you'd be proud to be mum. Even the dc wants to correct them. That's ok too.
I feel so awkward when I have to explain to acquaintances I haven't seen in years who the two extra little ppl are. And its painful when I say they're my 'step kid's cos it's as if Im removing myself from them. I see there faces like I left them hanging there.

My guess is that mum was annoyed about false nails for an 11 year old. That would be awkward with school. You never know with children what has really been said.

Mum was def not annoyed about the nails as she just conned/ asked dp for the money for their dd to get acrylics for her prom. ( I disagree greatly with this but I guess I'm an old git lol)

Mum was just being twisted and awkward as usual.

My DSD refers to me as her step mum but addresses me by my first name. I often get mistaken for "Mum" when I'm out with her and neither of us bat an eyelid these days.

Sometimes people after presuming I'm her Mum will then hear her addressing me by my name and you can see them looking confused, trying to figure it out. My DSD and my DS are only 3 years apart and look very similar, we get asked if they're twins quite often so people find it odd that one of them would refer to me by my name while the other is hollering "Mummy". I think it has a lot to do with people's perceptions of step-mothers actually. Personally if I was a bystander watching us I'd immediately assume I was a SM but I think there is mass prejudice towards SMs and some find it hard to imagine that a SC could be as well integrated and natural around me and my children as my DSD is. It wouldn't be the first conclusion they came to.

The only circumstance in which I bother correcting anyone would be if her DM was present, then I'll always say "I'm step mum, this is Mum" because in those circumstances it would be odd and disrespectful not to do so. I jump to correct them before her DM does, I find it really awkward.

My DSSs call me by my name but refer to me as their stepmum.

We agreed a long time ago that if I were mistaken for mum by someone we would see again, (coach, teacher etc) it would be sensible to correct them, but not to worry about shopkeepers or waiters when we are unlikely to have any further contact.

It works for us.

OP in your situation you can't do right for doing wrong. Anything you do is twisted into a "bad thing", ignore her.

If dp is with us I simply say "this is dp[/name] and this is his dc [name]".

We met up with my uncle recently and that was exactly what I said (with their actual names, of course). Stupid uncle made some comment about 'taking on a ready-made family'. I just ignored it - that generation of my family are all bonkers. He did pay for lunch though, which was nice and he didn't seem to mind there being three of us. dss liked talking to him and my cousin (who is Chinese/Norwegian, so quite exciting for an English teen from a teeny village!)