DP asked me my opinion!!!

[alwaystryingtobeafriend]

I have been taking a bit of a back seat in our house regarding my DSC. I feel it is working for me. I'm more sane and relaxed.

However dp lost it with kids tonight and threatened to send to bed at 8:30.

Then 10 mins later. Hanged his mind and said 930. Now I know it's his perogative to change his mind but I just kinda looked at him and went 'really?!' He asked ' does that make me a shitebag?' I said yea but it's up to him what he does and he was like yes it is up to me. And went kinda huffy.

I was just shocked he asked me what I thought. Kids went to be at 9pm tho.

Not sure whY I'm after just sharing. Lol

How do you manage to take a back seat, I try to but still get wound up. Have you any tips for switching off?!

It's so bloody hard. I just stopped making dinners and conversation. If kids want to speak I'll speak. I'll be polite ask how their day is. Then if they don't wanna talk I just go about my stuff.

Do asked dsd the other day to stay off her phone. I seen her on it later on and asked her once to put it away. she never so I asked again and she did. But then I thought... Why am I bothered. It wasn't me she was disobeying in the first place. Think I'm just about picking battles now. Its hard. so hard. I'm not overly confident I can do it Scot a sustained period but we will see. Xx

I tried detaching at one point - for the first few weeks it worked quite well, but beyond that it started to drive me insane. I'm not the sort of person who can quietly ignore ridiculous disney behaviour. Also, my detaching actually rattled DH (whereas I thought he'd be delighted) he commented that it felt I wasn't part of the household during access weekends.

It's hard isn't it?

To be fair, if I said that to dp (the 'really') he'd ask my opinion in a more....how can I put this...mature way. He'd say 'what? why?' and I'd say "we've talked about this a million times, you need to be consistent" and he'd agree. I know because we have had the exact same issue a millions times over the last six years. But he wouldn't say 'does that make me a shitebag'.

I agree with Petal, detaching doesn't really help. But I think it depends a lot on your dp. Dp always asks my opinion, we agree things - my issue is that he is incapable of following through. But he agrees he will work on it!

Well so far the detachment things working. I think dp is just a bit unsure of how he needs to start handling situations because I'm not getting involved with that side of things now. I'm not being bad cop to kids that ain't mine. I'm picking battles and just trying to relax a bit about stuff that usually bothers me.

Yes, we've had quite a few "how come it's always me telling him off" ('because you're mean to him') conversations, but in fact we're a bit past that now.

Two weekends ago I blew my top at both of them and they've been better. Not sure how long it will last.

Contact is really disrupted at the moment as dp is away for work so much and I also work away at least 3 days a week (staying away) and often 4 or 5.

I find it really hard, deep breaths!

Disengaging was the only way for me to keep sane...I know it's not ideal, but getting wound up to the point of hysterics isn't either! I just couldn't go on being in the company of DH and DSC as they wrangled more and more money out of him!

How did you manage it Wdid, any tips?