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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I'm SM & SGM

14 replies

Wdigin2this · 10/02/2015 00:40

I have more or less had DSC since DH and I got together a long time ago, they were just about grown up and never lived with us. My kids were about the same age and also didn't live with us. I now have DSGC coming through, and I think, 'here we go again, more of the same and more of everything!' I think S-Parenting is a minefield of what you want, they want, and what he wants, tbh I just think we muddle through, most of the time miserably, but as the alternative is splitting up, we keep on hanging in there hoping it'll get better....it doesn't, not really! Just IMHO of course!

OP posts:
thepurplehen · 10/02/2015 07:07

I must admit I wonder how having grandkids and step grandkids will be. Will dp accept "babysitting" duties without consulting me. Will he try to insist I take step grandkids out when I take my own grandkids out? Will I hear from step kids how great their mum is with the grandkids whilst simultaneously being expected to babysit often because mum is "far too busy" despite never doing a days work in her life.....

I'm sure it will bring new challenges.

TheMumsRush · 10/02/2015 07:45

I can't say I worry about this, at least not yet! When it comes to babysitting, I'd be happy to help but it is, after all, a favour. I can't see it as it being the same all over again as it's not a regular agreed contact that must be followed. It will be on my terms Wink

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 10/02/2015 09:30

Well for me it's more a case of DSGC being brought up to expect the same as DSD did....DH is the bottomless money pit!

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 10/02/2015 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petal02 · 10/02/2015 15:43

I can't see it being the same all over again as it's not a regular agreed contact that must be followed. It will be on my terms

This gave me cold shivers, can you imagine having an access rota for step grand children ??!????!!!

Mind you, I'm sure some people find themselves in this position!

slkk · 10/02/2015 18:10

I've told my dsc that the step disappears in the next generation and I will be grandma! They seem to accept it so far...

TheMumsRush · 10/02/2015 20:24

My DSC call my dad grandad so I guess my grandchildren will call
me Nan? I agree, the step gets dropped Grin

CalicoBlue · 10/02/2015 21:18

My kids don't see any difference between all their grandfathers, they just call them Grandad xx, they love them equally.

Though when my dd was told by my stepfather that his grand children liked xyz, she looked puzzled. She has known him all her life, calls him Granddad and thinks that she is his grandchild.

Don't think that I will be very happy to be a grandmother to DSS's kids though, if he ever has any. We don't get on and he is not DH's natural child so I have no real connection to him.

I think OP is right, the step parent thing never gets better.

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 10/02/2015 22:14

Tbh, my DGC and DH's are all our grandchildren equally in most things, and being even more honest, DH is better at it than me! It's more about the fact that DSD has always...how shall I put this, depended financially on her Dad very heavily, to the point she rarely pays for anything in her or her daughter's lives, and her daughter has been brought up to expect the same! Not only this but DH is DSD's first port of call in any situation, emotional, practical or financial, it has been very hard and wearying over the years to accept this, and as DSD is a young teen I see the financial situation at least stretching for years ahead!! DH, refuses point blank to discuss any of it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wdigin2this · 10/02/2015 22:20

Sorry, DSGD is a young teen!

OP posts:
Notsoskinnyminny · 11/02/2015 18:41

I was told before DSD had hers that I wouldn't be allowed to hold it and I certainly wouldn't be called Nan/Granny etc. I was angry at first that DH didn't stand up for me and tell her she was being downright rude but where she's concerned I know my place. It doesn't bother me now but it means DH misses out because she never visits although I know he sometimes takes a longer lunchbreak and visits her. I was shopping with DD and saw a lovely outfit and she reminded me it wouldn't be appreciated so I put it back on the rail and treated myself instead.

Findingpeace · 11/02/2015 20:59

My dsd (20) told her dad and I she was pregnant a couple of months ago and told me she considers me a grandmother to her baby! I was so pleased that she immediately gave me permission to be someone important in her child's life. Very strange though to be a soon to be grandmother when I've never been a mother. My dsd lived with us from the age of 14 to 18. It was difficult at the time, with ups and downs, but we survived it and now we get on great. It can get better ladies!

Original poster
Wdigin2this · 12/02/2015 00:22

My 2 DSC both have kids, and they have always considered me to be a grandmother, as is DH a grandfather to my grandchild....no problem there! It's as I said, the financial/emotional dependence by DSD on her dad has been passed on to DSGD, this is what I see hoing on and on!

OP posts:
Delilahfandango · 14/02/2015 08:27

I consider myself lucky after reading some of these posts. DSS is going to be a dad in September. He told me his GF was pregnant before his dad - I answered the phone, so only seconds before! When they came round last weekend the first thing they asked me was what I wanted to be called - nan, grandma etc. I do feel a bit funny about it all though! I feel as though I'm number 3 after the 2 biological mums!

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