Devastated and frightened please hold my hand

[Bryony35]

Longish term partner and I split - his DB was dying and v stressful....my DM was ill and needed support. we cleared our issues and got back together. We're strong. We've been through a shitload.

During the one year split he slept with 1 person. It was a one night stand with a relative unknown. We got back together 3 months later. A month later his friend contacts him to say this relative unknown has talked to a friend of his saying she's pregnant but doesn't know who the father is. My DP is a candidate. There are 4 other guys in the frame. She then contacts him via facebook...messages saying "I know it's yours" .... "I want it to be yours". ERRR... She doesn't know him from Adam! He explained that he has heard that paternity may be an issue and will cooperate but will need to have a DNA test done.

She seems unstable.

The baby has been born. I'm devastated this is happening. DP has asked for a legal DNA test. She is prevaricating and trying to say that they don't need one as baby looks like him. He stands firm that one is needed

I'm scared.

He made a massive mistake not using contraception. We've both been tested right at the start so all ok.

I'm just so scared....what if it's his....I read all these step children stories and they sound so so difficult.

I waited for him. We went through so much. I don't know whether I can withstand looking at him hold another woman's baby.

Please help me. I just can't face this pain

this is one of the most heartbreaking threads ive ever read, did you have any space to think about what happened apart? what if in a year or so he decides he doesn't want kids, and you've wasted precious time being stepmum to him and his ONS kid,whos life sounds pretty dysfunctional. have you thought about whats best for you or have you just supported your DP on default?

He won't change his mind on wanting children....that's not the man I know and lov. I think it will actually make him want a family even more because it must be hard when you don't live with your child. And if he does change his mind...well, so be it. He's not the man for me and I just move on.

I don't think it's heartbreaking. Well...at least, I don't want to think that anymore. He produced a child when we weren't together. He didn't cheat. Children are a natural consequence of sex...i just sort of think now that it's real life. It's just what happns. I don't think The mums life is dysfunctional actually. I mean it must be terribly hard becoming a mother in this situation but the wider family are comfortably off and it seems a very happy and stable set up. Everyone seems cherished if that makes sense.

i would disagree having unprotected sex with 4 men isnt verymature/functional behaviour.

Hmmmm. Yes I agree. Don't want to give the detail on this as might reveal too much but I just think that things are much more stable for ow than they were before and baby has been a bit of a turning point.

FujimotosElixir. I don't quite understand why this is so heartbreaking in your opinion. It is obviously difficult for the OP, but as she says, it is not as if her man was unfaithful and this child could end up being the most wonderful member of their family.

I don't think it's heartbreaking either Bryony. Your perspective is a kind one - to your partner and this child, but most of all, to yourself.

Thank you!

I'm just going to go for it. Life's too short. It's not a death. Experienced that fairly recently and that is heartbreaking. But a new life...that can't really be heartbreaking. I mean, I still feel a bit funny about it and sad, I'm not going to lie, but if I grow my feelings gently, I'm sure it will be Possible to Lead a good, positive and fulfilled life, me as an individual and us as a family.

It just feels sad , like another poster said your free to have nothing to do with the baby if its easier for you.but im glad your taking it in your stride.