I'll deal with it later...

[HesNotAMessiah]

was there ever a phrase that can depress a step parent any more?

And is the standard reply 'err hello, this is your partner speaking, not your cleaner/cook/nanny and this is not a business with a stroppy paying customer having a moan but your child we're talking about!'

Is OH being a lazy arse? Here op

No just a combination of a teenage DSC and a conflict avoiding DP, recipe for disaster

Ugh!!! My DH tells me to tell the dsc to do stuff when I bring it up to him, he doesn't understand that I don't always feel comfortable and that what botheres me doesn't always bother him (he'd live in a mess and not worry). But I don't always want to be the one to nag. It's hard being a SP, we don't get the unconditional love that a bio parent gets, and I worry they'll hate me if I keep on.

I'll deal with it later

.... IME, a phrase in the same category as:

"It's not the right time" (to 'speak' to child about attitude/behaviour)

"I don't want to spoil Xmas/birthday/Easter/holiday/sundry silly excuse"

"It's not that simple" (to 'speak' to child about attitude/behaviour)

"I will have a word but will need to choose my moment carefully" (why DP, why the heck why ?)

They may as well save the effort of thinking of a new 'get-out' clause each time and just come straight out with it and say 'I'm not going to rock the boat, so won't be 'dealing' with it' ....... otherwise translated as 'I'm not going to risk contact' which, to my mind, says a great deal about the sort of person an adult or near-adult 'child' is if they can't take on board a fair 'talking to' without stropping off if it contains even the slightest suggestion of (constructive) criticism or disappointment etc.

I agree Jingle it's not always simple for stepmums to discipline. After all, if the parent appears not to be bothered by something - if they were, they'd speak up surely - then just how seriously would many stepkids take their stepparent saying something ?

So true cats

otherwise translated as 'I'm not going to risk contact' which, to my mind, says a great deal about the sort of person an adult or near-adult 'child' is

Says a lot about the parent too, if they are willing to sustain a relationship with their DC without having any parental influence.

I've often wondered why so many NRP are desperate for contact at all costs; as a parent, their job is to do just that - if they can't parent their DC, then who exactly benefits from the contact?

Most parents will try to sustain a relationship with their kids at all costs. Especially where that relationship has been undermined and threatened.
But god yes this is annoying. Can I add "yeah, I've told her about before and she didn't listen" (meanwhile I'm telling my own child for the 100,000,000th time not to bring their ipad to the table)

Oh dear, I have lots of that from DP too. Dss has a few SN so he is even worse! While washing up on boxing day, DP, dss and my dcs were watching TV, until I hear dss telling ds he's a horrible nasty little boy (for no reason at all, they were all sitting quietly and dss just decided to say this!) DP says nothing and it continues, so I storm in and tell dss off - we don't say things like that and that ds is not a horrible boy at all.... DPs response to me is that we need to ignore it and that my reaction is what dss is looking for, and that it was DPs choice not to respond?! I don't think so when a 4yo is being bullied like that!! I will certainly be responding!! You can't choose to ignore that surely?!