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Step-parenting

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Just need to vent

97 replies

thelonelyone · 02/12/2014 19:35

Sorry this is my first post. Just need to talk to some people anonymously. As so much is secret in real life
so. I love my DP and DSD more than anything. I love being with them. DSD lives with us full time.
Me and DP met 3.5 years ago when he was still with his ex, me and him were close friends. He confided in me about his terrible, sexless relationship then our friendship turned into more. He had just started a business with this woman he apparently didn't love. We started seeing each other in secret. He told me how much he didn't like her over and over. Then he tells me she is pregnant! He was adiment he didn't want the child and she was conceived before we started seeing each other the one time they had sex in almost 4 years. We planned to leave together at Christmas that year, that changed to new year, then april (my birthday). We didn't leave until November...by which time we had been secretly seeing each other for 16 months whilst I had to stand by and watch him play happy families with his ex.
By the time we finally moved away together I had met DSD 3 times. I didn't want her in my life, he was obviously besotted with her by this time so I agreed she could stay two days a week. Over the six months we were away I fell in love with this little girl. So we move back to the region decide to have DSD for the first week...6 MONTHS later she is still here, I love her as if she was my own and love her being with us, her mum has had her probably 7 days in 6 months. She always makes excuses not to. DP is always telling me he hates her but I also see things he texts her and he talks to her about the things he should tell me. And on top of all this she still doesn't know that we live together. It had been over a year and he has just told her that we are seeing each ether but said it has only been since May of this year. I do all the mum things for DSD but she gets to be called mum. And he still talks to her as if they are a couple.

OP posts:
ArsenicSoup · 02/12/2014 23:52

Och I'm fond of Scottish so I am.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 02/12/2014 23:52

Nah i miss her too.

Grin
WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 02/12/2014 23:53

Where is she?

FlossyMoo · 02/12/2014 23:55

Don't know Why She went a bit "funny" on a couple of thread and then vanished. Well more funny than normal if you see what I mean. Smile

PerpendicularVincenzo · 02/12/2014 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlossyMoo · 02/12/2014 23:56
WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 02/12/2014 23:57

Grin i do see what you mean! I wonder was she 'supported by HQ in exiting MNland'?

ArsenicSoup · 03/12/2014 00:01

Bit funny? Did she? How would one tell?

You're both lovely.

ArsenicSoup · 03/12/2014 00:02

'supported by HQ in exiting MNland'?

And you have lovely euphemisms Why Wink

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 03/12/2014 00:04
Grin
Whatever21 · 03/12/2014 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 03/12/2014 10:35

Hi all,
It's absolutely on the MNHQ list of Christmas Wishes that there would be no troll-hunting any more in the world. There's no reason to doubt the OP here, so far as we can see.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 03/12/2014 10:36

Don't you have air freshener for that YetAnotherHelen?

Grin
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 03/12/2014 10:38

Fairy farts smell like springtime, as any fule kno... but we must not hijack. Be nice to the OP, everyone.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 03/12/2014 10:39
Grin
ArsenicSoup · 03/12/2014 10:48

Shame it isn't a wind-up or journo Sad because it sounds a complete mess.

ArsenicSoup · 03/12/2014 10:49

OP see a counsellor.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 03/12/2014 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 03/12/2014 11:06

I hope Helen is for cleaning up her own glitter. Coz that glittery shit gets everywhere.

ArsenicSoup · 03/12/2014 11:27

DH has some on his face already and it's otill 22 days until Christmas.

Edible glitter would be good.

JorgiePorgie · 03/12/2014 12:07

This "man", if you can call him that obviously wants to have his cake and eat it. His daughter's been living with you for 6 months and she has no idea you're living together. If he's expecting you to care for his daughter in all the ways a mum does then I'd be insisting he tell his ex. Otherwise I'd be stepping back and telling him to deal with his own responsibilities.

Don't let him side track you with promises and such. Stand up for yourself and put your foot down. Don't let him walk all over you. Is this the type of man you'd want your DSD to settle for in the future?

riverboat1 · 03/12/2014 13:55

It really is a mess. How can the daughter be living with you full time yet the mum doesnt know? Does she think your DP is doing everything for her? Is the little girl going to childcare or have you actually given up work to look after her? If the latter you are in a REALLY dangerous position. For the little girl's sake you and your DP need to be straight with his ex about what is going on, this isn't right. You say you feel like her mum yet if DP leaves you tomorrow you have absolutely no rights to ever see her again. WHY does he encourage her to call you mum? Why does the mum see so little of her? Are you sure his communication with his ex isn't just legit business talk?

Honestly, at best your DP is spineless, reckless and self absorbed, at worst he is a cruel manipulative player.

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