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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Puddings when dsc are not there

58 replies

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:06

My dp thinks when his son is not at our house for tea then some of the pudding should be reserved for him. I don't think this is right as dss is eating at his mums house. Tonight dp asked if part of the pudding was being kept back. I replied that he was free to keep some of his portion for dss. Am I wrong? My kids only see their dad twice a year but of they were spending nights every week then I would not be keeping puddings back.

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DearGirl · 14/10/2014 20:09

What puddings? Does he imagine DSS sitting down with 6 puddings at some point when he visits?

ilovepowerhoop · 14/10/2014 20:10

very strange! when will he get to eat all the extra puddings?

figgieroll · 14/10/2014 20:11

It's over kill to have puddings from his mum plus a backlog of puddings he's missed. Very unhealthy and abad habit

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:12

Dss is here 3/4 nights of the week. So doesn't really miss out on many puddings!!

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katandkits · 14/10/2014 20:12

Why puddings and not main courses? Very weird. He isn't going to eat a weeks worth of puddings at once surely?

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:14

I just feel that dp that when dss is not here then time stands still. Well it doesn't I am here and my kids are here and our lives do not stand still. Neither does dss come to that this arrangement between two houses has been in place for years.

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bamboostalks · 14/10/2014 20:14

How utterly bizarre. Have heard it all now. So what, you're supposed to to dish up a portion of crumble and congealing custard along with jelly, a fruit yogurt, a flapjack, etc for this lad's consumption at the weekend. What, all in a whack? What a load of shit. Obviously your partner is feeling his son is not as ensconced in the family as he would like him to be so he's putting his stamp on the territory in a very peculiar way.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:15

Bamboo he is here more than he is at his mums most weeks.

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Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:17

Dp made it clear he was not happy tonight. I don't want this little issue to become a major one.

OP posts:

bamboostalks · 14/10/2014 20:17

Yes well I wouldn't have it. Great that he cares about his son and wants the best for him but that is irrational. Have a frank conversation.

bamboostalks · 14/10/2014 20:18

Not happy with what? Your kids eating their dinners?

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:19

Earlier I said that he could divide some of his portion if he wanted to. I also stated that I wasn't aware that dss was not being fed at his mums and asked if that was the case. There was no reply to that.

OP posts:

ivorylace9 · 14/10/2014 20:20

That's possibly the most absurd thing I've read on the step parenting board.
It wouldn't even cross my mind to do such a thing. It would never work in our house anyway cos DS would eat it lol.
If I got my kids a treat just before DSC arrived then I would save some or get them a treat for when they arrive but not save something from days ago.

Your DSS gets what he needs when he's at his Mum's, when he comes to yours he will get what he needs.

Liara · 14/10/2014 20:21

I think your dh is expressing that he does not want to feel like his ds is missing out on anything nice because he is with his mother.

It's understandable, but in fact he isn't missing out - he is just getting something else at his mother's.

Ultimately your dp will just have to come round to accepting that.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:24

Ivory this is how I feel. It is a non issue and I don't see the point of trying to overcompensate if that is what dp is doing.
All the kids have to eat most of their dinner before they get dinner anyway and by keeping puddings back I think this sends out the wrong message to my dc.

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thebluehen · 14/10/2014 20:25

I think some men are so insecure about their relationship with their non resident kids, they actually get jealous at the thought of the resident kids having anything while they're not there. Couple that with a denial that their kids have a life somewhere else and the jealousy that that can bring and you're stuck trying to deal with impossible.

You're not being unreasonable, he's behaving like a dick.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:25

I am glad I am not being unreasonable as this is what dp has tried to make me feel.
His argument was that I would keep pudding for my dc but they live here all the time and would have it that night if they had it at all.

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sanfairyanne · 14/10/2014 20:29

i would save 'treats' til the end of the night for any kids not there at tea time. that might include a favourite pudding. but for the next day? nope!

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:32

I have stated how I feel and will stick to that if it comes up again. He is free to save any of his food but I am not going to purposely reserve puddings for future eating.

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lunar1 · 14/10/2014 20:53

Is it wrong that I laughed at this? Maybe you should also save his portions of toothpaste and make him brush extra when he comes!

Unless your DH has reason to think he is not being fed then this is really odd. The only time I would save some pudding in this situation is if you were having a one off treat that was dss absolute favourite thing. But if that was the case I'd probably wait until he visits to have it.

purpleroses · 14/10/2014 21:41

The only thing we ever save any of is birthday cakes - as it's kind of nice for everyone to get a taste even if we sometimes end up celebrating birthdays when not everyone's around.

But saving puddings is bizarre - imagine if his mum did that too, he'd end up eating two puddings a day wouldn't he? Why not his first course too, to ensure a balanced diet... where would it end? Love lunas suggestion about the toothpaste

OddBoots · 14/10/2014 21:45

How odd. Maybe ask him to talk you through his logic to work out why he wants to do this.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 21:46

I always save bday cake. I just don't see the point for puddings. If I mentioned saving toothpaste and mains than I would b ridiculous!!

OP posts:

ArsenicChaseScream · 14/10/2014 21:48

Have [biscuits]. They keep longer.

purpleroses · 14/10/2014 21:48

It would be ridiculous, but your DP deserves a good ribbing for crazy things like saving puddings!

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