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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Puddings when dsc are not there

58 replies

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 20:06

My dp thinks when his son is not at our house for tea then some of the pudding should be reserved for him. I don't think this is right as dss is eating at his mums house. Tonight dp asked if part of the pudding was being kept back. I replied that he was free to keep some of his portion for dss. Am I wrong? My kids only see their dad twice a year but of they were spending nights every week then I would not be keeping puddings back.

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Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 21:49

Odd boots there is no logic. Which is why he didn't reply when I asked if dss was not getting fed at his mums. It is over compensating behaviour. There are many more examples of this from both of his parents. I just have to learn to step back and ensure that my dcs are not affected by this behaviour in the long term.

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Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 21:52

I do think why can't we have nice stuff to eat when it's just my kids do they not deserve nice food. Are they not as worthwhile as his son. Getting angry about this now. If it is brought up again I will ask if we should just limit ourselves to boring food when his son is not here as obviously my kids are not as important!

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CadmiumRed · 14/10/2014 21:56

YANBU, but I think you need to ask your DH if he thinks his DS is missing out, or if he thinks DS thinks he is missing out.

And if so why, and is it really about the puddings, or does your DH feel that he should not be enjoying himself if DS s not there to share it with him?

CadmiumRed · 14/10/2014 21:58

Have you talked to him about his feelings and what lies behind the over-compensating behaviour?

He is doing a Disney Dad on the puddings, really, isn't he?

Don't take it personally, it isn't about your dds, it's about his feeling inadequate as a father to his DS.

Which must be a hard feeling to have.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 21:59

Dp does think that events should not happen without dss being there. If I plan something with my dcs then it happens with or without dp or dss. Dp does spend time with dss on his own and with all of us.

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Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 22:03

Dp has no reason to feel inadequate he spends loads of time with his dss see him all the time and dss does not want for anything. My kids dad does not spend nearly enough time with his kids. I really don't understand it but feel that putting one child above another is not helpful to any of the children in the household.

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CadmiumRed · 14/10/2014 22:15

It isn't helpful.
Maybe he is comparing himself you you, as parent to your DDs, than to your DDs absent Dad, though.
Obviously he is an involved Dad, a good Dad, and his DS has 2 parents, so he doesn't have to do the job of both.

I just think the answer is not to row about puddings.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 22:19

Such a stupid argument such a stupid topic!!
He has just said he is sharing his portion with dss. Ok fine I will let it go and move on.

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CadmiumRed · 14/10/2014 22:25

I would let him store half bowls of crumble and custard over the next few days - he will soon see that actually DSS probably doesn't want to eat a collection of left overs.

GoodEggy · 14/10/2014 22:31

I'm sure the child will love the soggy, 2 day old, slightly congealed 1/4 portion of cake and custard. Sure to love his dad just a bit more because of it too.

It's very weird.

CalamitouslyWrong · 14/10/2014 22:31

He is being really weird.

I'd think it very odd if DS1's dad and his partner were saving puddings for him while he was here. It just makes no sense. Who wants to be confronted with a pile of assorted puddings each a few days old? I could understand if you were having his absolute favourite pudding one night, and kept some because you know he loves it. But it doesn't make any sense to do it as standard practice.

The toothpaste idea illustrates brilliantly how absurd it all is. You could go the whole hog and portion up all the breakfasts, lunches and dinners he's missed while he's been at his mums. And the toothpaste, shampoo, etc he'd have used. Hell, even the toilet paper he's been missing out in while he's been wiping his arse elsewhere. Then show that to your partner (rather than your DSS, who would presumably feel very odd indeed at being presented with that). Maybe then he'll see that he's being an idiot.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 22:33

Even odder when there is only 3 nights of the week where dss is not here for dinner.

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CalamitouslyWrong · 14/10/2014 22:41

He's going to be quite disappointed when your DSS arrives and gives him the 'wtf dad' look that being presented with a pile of puddings a few days old deserves.

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 22:42

It's not all puddings. It seems to just be a few. Not sure that dss is all that bothered.

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AlpacaMyBags · 14/10/2014 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sanfairyanne · 14/10/2014 23:01

are you not tempted to do it, op, for a giggle?

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 23:09

No it would lead to pa looks and disappointed tone of voice. Life is too short if he wants to divide his portion I will not question it. My portion size is still the same. Will just put it down to a blended family adventure!

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Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 14/10/2014 23:11

To b honest if I asked whether we were keeping everything for dss, then I would prob get no response, because I would b right!!

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JustShakeitoff · 15/10/2014 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PiratePanda · 15/10/2014 09:01

That is absolutely bizarre, but I suspect it's an emotional thing - DP is missing his son - rather than rational. I'd probably just make a bigger pudding and reserve a portion. Doubt DSS will eat stale cold pudding and you'll probably just have to throw it away, but this is one of these "don't sweat the small stuff" moments.

ArsenicChaseScream · 15/10/2014 09:06

How about an enormous trough of trifle to last the week?

TheMumsRush · 15/10/2014 17:44

Think I've just found the reason to some childhood obesity . Will do also save some chores? I doubt it. And in my house, puddings (I hate that word) are only after Sunday lunch

TheMumsRush · 15/10/2014 17:58

Will *DP

CadmiumRed · 15/10/2014 19:08

So which specific puddings does he want you to save?

Original poster

Fairiesdance1 · 15/10/2014 19:34

Mainly ones with chocolate. Don't want to b too specific in case it outs me. He did give his whole portion to dss. My dc complained about the portion size. I stated that it was dp's portion and he could do with it what he wished.

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