What a totally blizzare evening

[Elizabeth120914]

I posted earlier fuming about OH changing contact tonight...

Well we picked up dsd she didn't speak one word in the car all the way home. Not one word in the house until OH went to the toilet then chatted to me and then followed me as she does into the kitchen and talks to me doing dinner then not a word eating or since!

I can't sit up anymore tonight my backs killing so I've gone upstairs she has too into her room to watch a DVD..

It feels so awkward.. She hasn't fallen out with her dad over anything and will answer if asked a question but volunteers nothing no matter how much U try to include her in conversation. He seems to think it only matters that she comes here not what happens but it feels bloody uncomfortable to me.

She asked what we are doing tomorrow once I said seeing grandparents in the caravan she started the whole what time am I going thing again as clearly not a choice activity..

How can men be so blinking oblivious I feel like I should go and at least try and talk to her but I'm just done in..

Surely this isn't contact it's like she's doing time.. ?

Thanks all really appreciate the advice and support this board has been a real saviour to me I don't know any other step parents and it's really helpful to have other input.

Seem to have made a breakthrough tonight with her actually talking to me about what her mums said so maybe now we can try again with a clean slate.. She seemed to take on board what I was saying about how we see things rather than just her mums side of things. We have all the messages we sent her mum trying to get hold of her and arrange contact so although not at the moment I can prove to her her dad didn't not bother or care as she's been told..

Councillor might be a good idea I think I'm going to try and float the idea if I can get MIL onside as well it might help make the case to OH a bit stronger. She went home happy and chatty which is a huge bonus on last night anyway ...

Grockle from what I've read from the ops various threads, her dp wasn't aware he had a child until 6 years ago when she was 5. So its possible that actually she didn't sign up for it as I haven't seen how long she's been with her dp so it's possible that she wasn't aware of her when they got together. Even so, signing up to be a step parent doesn't involve signing up to be the parent in most cases. You expect your dp, the child's parent, to actually do their bit and act like a parent and not leave it all to you!
The op is doing more than many step mums do and she probably would be much happier if she chose to do it (like I do) than having to do it because no one else is.

Then many stepmums are doing fuck all. And you don't get to choose, when their is a child in your home who needs someone to step up and give a shit, you just do it.
No-ones giving out medals to step-parents who actually do something, its not above and beyond the call, its called "being a decent human being".

And she chose to stay with him, take on the child, and make a new one with him despite himbeing a shit to the one he has already, so don't pretend she didn't make her choices.

elizabeth fingers crossed you get MIL onside with the counselling. Might be the best way forward for both of them, he might actually be feeling frustrated at his own lack of parenting skills. It might be the thing that opens the floodgates and gets it all out there so you can all deal with it.

My point about OP being pregnant is that it can be hard to walk and drive at that stage.....and she is having to do all of this stuff when it isn't her job to.

Grockle many stepmums will also have their own children to look after.

It's one thing mucking in and helping with whatever needs to be done for the child, but that isn't the case here. There are 2 parents not doing anything about the uniform, so there should be no need for the op to be involved. And that is where the frustration starts, which is a valid emotion in this context IMO.