Annoyed that DSC are always put first to our detriment

[TractorTam]

DH had his contact hearing last week. He's agreed to collect my DSC eow from school, which is an hour away. Therefore, he'll have the car and so every other Friday I'll have to walk the 2.5 mile each way trip to pick up my DD from school complete with toddler who hates pushchairs but also can't walk far and newborn who'll probably require feeding a couple of times on the journey therefore making it extremely long and difficult for all involved, particularly in winter.

He's also agreed that he'll take DSC to any parties they want to go to, meaning extortionate amounts of money spent on petrol to travel back and forth to their home town and that I'm effectively left with our DC the entire weekend, without a car which is restricting as we're rural and he works the other weekend so it means he parents our DC very little.

We have a weekend away booked in October just before the new baby is born and were planning on travelling Fri morning and returning Sunday afternoon, DSC had a place booked just in case it could get agreed in contact order. He agreed to collect them at 5 on the Friday evening and have their mum collect them at 7 on the Sunday evening from the destination which is 2 hours from us. Therefore we've lost an entire day on the Friday and our DC are likely to fall asleep on the journey home on Sunday which will be disruptive for school.

I just feel like the DC and I have to constantly fit around the DSC to our detriment and am fed up of feeling like I'm the only one responsible for thinking of what's best for our DC as he just thinks of what's best for him and his. Am I being unfair here?

[tellmeaboutstuff]

If the school is only 2 and a half miles away I can't believe a taxi fare would be £15!

I'd look into getting a taxi there and back twice a month, and as others have pointed out, get your DH to go without a luxury to enable you to afford the taxi fee

[MorphineDreams]

The OP said its because of traffic, but only hackneys charge for time instead of distance

[tellmeaboutstuff]

If it's partially country roads in a rural area with no paths I can't imagine the traffic being that bad OP

[Petal02]

If it’s partially country roads in a rural area with no paths, then I can’t imagine the traffic being that bad

Speaking as someone who lives in a rural area – country roads with no path (and no street lighting) are a real no-no in the dark. You literally can’t see your hand in front of your face, you can’t see where you’re putting your feet, which can be a real hazard with dip and ditches. And trying to push a pram/pushchair along a track, or through a field, is just ridiculous. A 5 mile walk in such conditions is, in my opinion, out of the question.

[tellmeaboutstuff]

No I meant in terms of a taxi, petal. The op said a taxi is expensive due to traffic

[tellmeaboutstuff]

I live rurally too and totally agree the walk isn't really do able

[Petal02]

OK, I misunderstood what you meant. I still don't think walking is an option though.

[tellmeaboutstuff]

Yes I agree with you about the walk, hence why my suggestion to the op is a taxi. I think she should look into the taxi option as I'm convinced a taxi wouldn't be as expensive as the op thinks it will

[basgetti]

Send the toddler with your DH. Could you coincide your older DD's weekends with her Dad for when your DSCs are visiting, or would he not do school pick ups?

[Whatever21]

Let's put in perspective, he needs the car for 26 Fridays in the year. Bearing in mind school holidays on your DCs school days that is probably 20 days in the year.

Sorry - you and he need to work out something for 20/365 days in the year. Not sure what is difficult about that or unreasonable.

Taxi, her sibling going with Dad to pick her up, plenty of sensible suggestions.

I see nothing unreasonable in his contact schedule - you are making a drama out of nothing - bar a bit of planning and talking to your DP.

[TractorTam]

They want to spend the weekends together basgetti, otherwise they'd only see one another a few times per year. The route is about half and half with traffic/unlit lanes. Taxi would definitely be that expensive, I had a back injury and had to get a taxi when DH had the car one day and it cost a fortune. He has now suggested I put the babys car seat in my bike trailer and cycle to school!!

[MorphineDreams]

£15 for a taxi only that far is ridiculous, taxis don't charge by time they charge by distance - I would look into that again if I were you Tractor

[pommedeterre]

Vmorphine - in rural areas you have to pay a standing fee for them to come to you, no return fare etc. it's rubbish.

[MorphineDreams]

Oh right, thankyou for explaining. That's ridiculous.

I'm sure I read that if children live a certain distance away from school the council have to provide transport, would this work in this case?

[cheeseandfickle]

I think it is 2 miles for a primary school, Morphine, however as far as I know it is only if the child is going to their catchment school or the school allocated to them by the LEA as their catchment schools were full.

[brdgrl]

Your DH is being an absolute arse.
Expecting your wife to walk (or worse, cycle with a baby in a trailer!) 5 rural miles, in winter even...not reasonable or right.
He. needs. to find. a solution.

[cheeseandfickle]

I would tell him that you will be getting a taxi there and back, and that it is up to him to foot the bill/find the money to pay for it!

It's actually laughable that he's suggested you put a newborn in a cycle trailer; what planet is he on??!!

[Petal02]

Yes, he needs to find a solution. Preferably one that doesn't risk the welfare of his wife and other children, by having them hiking miles in the dark.

[basgetti]

Yes get a taxi there and back, the bike idea is ridiculous. Not sure why he has to foot the bill only though, surely it should just be a family expense.

[cheeseandfickle]

basgetti, the OP has said that a taxi is too expensive, therefore there isn't the money in the family budget to pay for it.

What I am meaning when I say he should foot the bill is that he should either do without a luxury or find some way of raising extra income in order to pay for the taxi.

[basgetti]

But why only him? Why is it his sole responsibility, like he is being punished or something? I don't get it. His children need picking up from school, OP's DD needs picking up from school. These two things overlap. So surely there needs to be a family solution.

[cheeseandfickle]

Because he's coming out with all kinds of other twatty solutions with no thought to his wife or younger childrens' welfare....

[basgetti]

Yes his suggestions have been twatty, the taxi would be a good solution. But making it his sole responsibility just seems strange and divisive to me.

[cheeseandfickle]

He's making the contact day school runs the sole responsibility of the OP though.

[TractorTam]

But the difference is, basgetti, I wouldn't make a commitment with DD or the other DC if it made life difficult for DH and DSC. I'd find a solution before making arrangements, with discussion. The proposed contact plan was ideal and his legal representation and the judge said it was fine and would be agreed, yet he agreed the new and inconvenient plan with his DSC mum anyway. The overlap has happened, therefore, through his choice as he could've arranged for it to be the Monday school run instead which would have saved us considerable difficulty and money.