As dsd mother it should be YOU instilling a sense of worth and confidence in her, not weeping all over the place because your relationships don't work out. Or telling her she's a cow and a bitch.
She's at times difficult because both you and her dad have failed to create boundaries, she doesn't feel safe. You can't work her around your cocktail hour and I loathe everything you stand for.
I don't care what you think about me, I care only that dsd is given a safe home, secure boundaries and a feeling she is loved. You got pregnant on purpose, desperate for a baby and now your baby is almost a teen you can't be arsed.
Sort. Your. Shit. Out.