Glorified babysitter rides out of town.......

[truthwithin]

Bit of a megarant pre-story. Sorry.
After 3 yrs together DP has actually listened to my advice & spent time with DSD10 alone. I have created a monster.

DP now considers every access weekend as though the queen were visiting. Dsd10 is NOT allowed to hear the word no, must only be fed whatever she requests, and must always be taken out alone for breakfast,McDonalds, lunch & dinner + desserts & made to be so special, that she can gloat to DD4 & make her cry. DD4 can't understand why she is left out. She has known DP since she was a baby and it's almost as if he ignores her.

If I'm out of house & DSD10 wants DD4's Easter egg. That's OK according to DP as DD4 doesn't eat that much chocolate anyway.

If DSD10 wants to play on DD4's tablet & download inappropriate items; even though I have told her to ask first.....that's fine.

If I have to pay for not only my children but yours to go on holiday, that's great....even though it cost an extra room.

Anyway, happy day...I am going away tomorrow with just Ds15 & Dd4. 4 days of bliss!

DP is pissed off nobody else is invited, esp DSD10. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my own kids.

I do feel kind of bad that DP has no idea what to do with DSD10, I don't really see why I should continue to suggest activities for them, when my own kids are sat at home waiting for them to get back.

Happybeard referring to a step child as a stupid, horrible brat is absolutely disgusting.
You're wrong and it's sad that you're the kind of person who thinks it's ok to call young children "stupid".
Calling the step child involved Nast names - not fine and incredibly immature.
Guess it's far easier to blame kids though isn't it? than actually grow some balls and confront the adult or actually leave the relationship.

Disgusting, wrong, sad, immature, and 'balls-less' ...
These are four of your comments here (not about me, incidentally, but another poster). Together, and added to the rest of your posts, sometimes two in a row, it certainly seems contrary to the spirit of support which MN claims to be about. As, of course, does your last post. Which naturally reveals openly what we all knew all along, which is that you do have issues with the stepparenting board in general.

Of course, you did come back later in the thread to post one measured and thoughtful piece of advice. Not, presumably, to justify your continued engagement, but because you really sincerely wanted to help the OP. Right? Yes, that must be it.

I wonder if your bullying attitudes and belief in your right to call your stepchildren nasty names indicates why many of you struggle to make a success of your own "blended" families and are so often to be found being thoroughly unpleasant and whinging about them on here? their parents won't allow those attitudes to filter in (and good for them!) so you are in a permanent suspended state of bitterness but without the courage to actually leave and change the situation that makes you so unhappy. Let me be quite clear that I am NOT talking about the OP when I say that.

Actually, if you knew my situation and how it has developed over time (which I don't expect you to, why should you, but given that you don't, perhaps you should refrain from commenting on it?), you would know that my DH has come to be quite supportive of making changes regarding his children (and good for him!). As for courage, why should leaving demonstrate that more than staying and working to change things for the better? Why on earth would I break up my family just because I hate the way the teenagers won't walk the dog or act disrespectfully towards their parents? That's not what people do; they try to fix things, and they look for solutions and advice, and yes, empathy. Every family with children has problems, and every mum with children moans about it - hence the creation of Mumsnet. Maybe they should all leave their husbands, since NickiFury feels this is the only answer.

Happy to hear you are hiding the thread. :) I wonder why you even need MN, seeing as you have no problems in your own life. I guess you just visit out of kindness.

Well said brdgrl I am on my phone as dp has nicked my laptop bastard and couldn't be arsed trying to copy and paste on it!

Well, you've successfully hijacked the thread with this ridiculous argument.
The OP was asking for support, but I for one found it hard to concentrate on her, what with all the shouting going on.

WOW. I think some of us may have distracted from the original thread. NickiFury sorry to say this, but unless you are going to comment on the thread , please take your argument elsewhere. You are not being helpful.

DP & I are back together......, make of that what you will.

It has been strained due to my take no shit attitude & DPs, I'm sorry, what have I done', attitude. Issues are being resolved though.

DP even told DSD10 off tonight. Granted it took 3 'No's' and an eventual 'Stop it' from me.

Unfortunately DSD10 doesn't see why pinching DD4s legs would be unacceptable. We had 'moody face' & I want to go home for a while.

DP is definitely on notice for the next few weeks. Having DSD10 is our most trying times & seeing if his parenting / behaviour change's should be interesting at least.

I hope he bucks his ideas up truth but if he is going to continue to be a knob and treat dsd like a princess then please make sure you have the strength to kick his useless ass out!!

Well the weekend wasn't too bad. Unfortunately I've been out of action due to illness, but DP has really stepped up.

He has said the magical word 'no', has backed me up when I've asked DSD10 to clear up her mess. Even risking the temper tantrums, which he handled fantastically. Whilst DSD10 has been his main focus, he hasn't completely ignored Dd4 & Ds15 as usual.

I think if we are to go forward Dsd10 needs set boundaries. I'm sure that even if they are not set at home, she is adaptable to them here.

It's just a shame that DP went to drop off DSD10 at 7.30pm and as usual ExW still hasn't turned up. It's now 8.45pm and they are still sat outside.

If DSD10 can get some decent parenting some of the time, it's better than none I guess.

Hope he continues with this attitude and doesn't revert back to form!

From experience kids do adapt to different rules in different houses. Dss10 and dsd8 do not get told no at dm's. They are allowed to eat whatever they want and refuse meals, play on computers all day and do nothing to help. Here they have chores, computer is banned, they eat what they are given or go hungry, no chocolate unless they have earned it and they frequently get told no and so far it's had no ill effects!