Glorified babysitter rides out of town.......

[truthwithin]

Bit of a megarant pre-story. Sorry.
After 3 yrs together DP has actually listened to my advice & spent time with DSD10 alone. I have created a monster.

DP now considers every access weekend as though the queen were visiting. Dsd10 is NOT allowed to hear the word no, must only be fed whatever she requests, and must always be taken out alone for breakfast,McDonalds, lunch & dinner + desserts & made to be so special, that she can gloat to DD4 & make her cry. DD4 can't understand why she is left out. She has known DP since she was a baby and it's almost as if he ignores her.

If I'm out of house & DSD10 wants DD4's Easter egg. That's OK according to DP as DD4 doesn't eat that much chocolate anyway.

If DSD10 wants to play on DD4's tablet & download inappropriate items; even though I have told her to ask first.....that's fine.

If I have to pay for not only my children but yours to go on holiday, that's great....even though it cost an extra room.

Anyway, happy day...I am going away tomorrow with just Ds15 & Dd4. 4 days of bliss!

DP is pissed off nobody else is invited, esp DSD10. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my own kids.

I do feel kind of bad that DP has no idea what to do with DSD10, I don't really see why I should continue to suggest activities for them, when my own kids are sat at home waiting for them to get back.

Perfectly calm thanks. You're wrong and it's sad that you're the kind of person who thinks it's ok to call young children "stupid".

In fact, if you're so sure that calling this 10 year old child a "stupid, horrible brat" is ok, why not post elsewhere on the MN boards and garner some more opinions rather than talking my word for it? I suggest you start in AIBU .

This board can become a bloody playground, where are the adults when you need them?

not enough background story
how are finances working in your family?

No it isn't brdgirl suggest you search again. I had to name change for the security issue back a few months ago but have been posting under this name for 2 - 3 months and have been a member for around 7 years now.

I think common decency indicates that calling children stupid is pretty damaging and offensive, especially when they cannot help their behaviour due to the far more bratty behaviour of the adults around them. To do this and defend it as you have suggests a really petty and limited state of mind. I can't imagine anywhere else except the step parenting board where this would be accepted, which says it all about this forum really doesn't it.........?

Oh and telling me to "piss off" is far more offensive than anything I have said. And your ridiculous accusations of harassment are laughable and a fine example of the petty and spoilt attitudes demonstrated by some ADULT brats that frequent the step parenting boards.

The OP appears to actually hate her DP and his child yet makes no steps to remove herself from the relationship, there is obviously a back story here but from what she writes she doesn't need to be in this relationship, not tied by children or finances etc, basically she comes on here to moan - absolutely fine. Calling the step child involved Nast names - not fine and incredibly immature.

You're right, Nicki and I apologise, for that...You have posted under this name before. My mistake, I looked only at posts on step-parenting.

"Calling" a child something to their face is very different from posting about it on a board for other adults.

your ridiculous accusations of harassment are laughable and a fine example of the petty and spoilt attitudes demonstrated by some ADULT brats that frequent the step parenting boards.
What would you call it? You have nothing to contribute to the thread other than abuse and yet you keep returning to berate the poster. It is not AIBU. It's harassment. Seriously, what kind of person do you think you are yourself? Do you think you are a nice one? A kind one? An empathetic one? Why are you here?

No one needs to be in a relationship.
The OP is in a relationship with problems. That's probably why she's posting. Duh.

Nicki Calling children "stupid and bratty" on an anonymous board IS acceptable IF they are ruining your life. We do not know the name of the child, so what's the problem? Better to vent here rather than say it directly to the child. Also, literature and films across the decades / centuries have depicted certain kids central to the theme as "bratty". They exist, and obviously have done throughout the ages. Get over it....

I don't actually have a problem with the term bratty pretty sure I haven't said that in any of my posts.

As for it being ok to call a child stupid if it's ruining your life, surely it is the adult parent of that child who is not parenting properly that is actually ruining your life? Guess it's far easier to blame kids though isn't it? than actually grow some balls and confront the adult or actually leave the relationship.

You can rant at me all you like brdggirl but I am afraid I will never agree it's ok to refer to your child or anyone else's as stupid. Maybe we should just agree to disagree?

agreeing to disagree sounds lovely Nicki. That maybe should have been your first port of call.

Ahh I see you just wish to shut down any opinion that differs from your own, disagreement seems to make you quite angry and I notice you use emotive language that indicates you feel victimised e.g. "harassment" "abuse" when someone does not agree with you.

I am afraid this a site for ALL to post freely and even the step parenting forum is not exempt from that . Thankfully.

Why are you with him? Never mind any step children you & dp sound utterly toxic for each other. You both sound as if you have some sort of tally chart going

This. It sounds utterly shit for all concerned.

NickiFury I'm sure that Happybeard was referring to the situation with Dsd rather than the child herself. Dsd10 is very clever in her own way.

I think that unless you have been a step-parent it is very easy to 'judge' some of the comments & concerns posted on here. Most step-parents wouldn't dream of saying these things in RL for fear of condemnation.

When our own children misbehave, are rude, aggressive, entitled etc. We take steps to rectify that. We can see how their behaviour will affect them as adults and we don't want it to get worse.

With stepchildren, this is often, not so easy. The natural parent may even be afraid of rectifying the behaviour, they think the child will love them less or not want to see them.

The step-parent will often be seen as 'bad cop', purely because they can see impartially how destructive this is. We ask ourselves if we would still want to be around the child through to adulthood knowing the direction their behaviour is going in and not being able to do anything about it.

This is a generalisation, I still have contact with stepchildren I have known from toddlers to young women. I'm very proud to have been an important part of their lives.

I have also been a step-child and will admit to using manipulation to get my own way. My siblings and step-siblings did end up resenting me for being the important, entitled child.

Thankfully as I got older, I was able to reconnect with them and be the sister they should have had. I also apologised to my step-dad for all the sh*t, I had put him through. Unfortunately something I can never take back & am deeply ashamed about now.

My time away has definitely made me rethink my relationship with both DP & DSD10.

The first year was good as a blended family, doing family things together. I actually looked forward to planning trips that could get all the kids involved. I'd spend a few hours each weekend just for us so we could get to know each other. ExW would drop off Dsd10 with me whenever she was out, for craft days, helping with homework etc.

I don't know exactly when it changed but the dropping off days got more frequent & DP was more absent. I think Dsd10 felt abandoned by both parents and I started to feel taken advantage of.

Maybe we all expected something different, without actually talking about it first.

I think the first 'red flag' for me was when DP & I talked about our kids. I said, They are good kids, but they are hard work & they drive me nuts sometimes', Dd had just turned 2 and Ds was 12.

DP said' You'll love my daughter. She is perfect'.

I didn't expect to be the Brady Bunch. I certainly didn't expect it to be like this.

I have been physically attacked by Dsd10, (apparently her kicking me in the ass with shoes on, it hurt), Dd4 has had a drawing pin pressed into her hand, Ds15 has been kicked in the halls. This is all 'just playing'. Dsd10 has never had to apologise. Although it usually changes from stealing my jewellery, breaking DD4s toys or stealing out of DS15s room. I've had enough & think DSD10 may be a psychopath in training.

DP & Dsd10 have a very intensive relationship. DP must ignore myself and DD4, ( DS15 goes to his room as he finds it 'wierd'.), DP and DSD10 must take full on kiss selfies at every opportunity. I have had to buy 2 sofas as previously DP and Dsd10 would drape over each other, I am still not permitted to be near DP, (I've bought 2 sofas since), must hold hands & feed each other when we are occasionally invited to dinner.

Anyway, DP & I are no longer together. There are other issues in our relationship but DSD10 behavior does effect a lot if it. I have lost respect for him when he said, I will never tell her NO'......

truthwithin I have not judged any comment or concern raised on this thread apart from referring to the child as "stupid and horrible". My first post was entirely sympathetic to the OP and I can't begin to imagine how hard I would find it to never just be able to be alone with my own dc without a massive guilt trip. I couldn't tolerate it. I have every sympathy for her. It was a later poster I took issue with. As usual though it was transformed into a big attack on ALL stepmothers, which it absolutely was not.

Your own posts describe a useless and ineffectual parent who is just not parenting their child in any meaningful way and everyone else who is close is experiencing the fall out. I reiterate that I cannot agree with a child being called "stupid" because of this, the parent, yes but not a 10 year old child.

I think SS should be involved as this man has an unhealthy relationship with his DD.

Get him away from your kids.

Personally Nikki I think you were waiting to be offended. I have no idea what the child's mental/ academic ability is. And the child will have no idea what an anonymous person on a forum referred to her as. I was sympathising with OP's situation and pointing out that she's better of without the pair of them. Neither add any value to her life as far as I can see. Obviously if any of is saw them in the street we wouldn't refer to the child as stupid, bratty or otherwise. But OP had really been through some shit with this man and his kids (all of him and his ex's doing, not the children's fault) and the parenting the kid has had has resulted in it behaving like a brat.

As I said to brdggirl you can rant and justify all you like but I am never going to agree it's ok to call any child "stupid". I think it's hateful and I know I am not alone in that. If you do so you're making that child a scapegoat for the issues you have with their parent who will not parent them effectively. Very toxic.

Somebody change the bloody record!

DP refuses to leave until next month.

did think we could do this amicably and had even suggested separate houses would save our relationship, each making the effort for the time we do have together.

DP has now become quite aggressive and unreasonable;It's all or nothing. Even the poor dog has had it, DPs response to custody was 'fuck him, get him put down'.

That in itself has made my mind up.

Truth, whose home is it? (sorry if I have forgotten)