Support thread. For current step-parents.

[brdgrl]

If you're a current step-parent with children who live with you at least some of the time, and fancy offloading or a rant or have a question you want to ask others who are currently in your situation and you want to do it in a safe place, and you don't want to ask a non-step-parent then why not ask in here.
:)

I haven't a clue! Dd2 often forgets, she's 6. I remind her when ever I see her going to wipe so she doesn't dribble in her knickers. She still forgets, and hand washing! Don't go there. Dd1, 8, is the opposite- she stuffs tissue in her knickers to catch dribbles . She gets ready for bed and then I find bits of pissy toilet roll on her bedroom floor. I'm trying to reassure you, but am actually despairing of my 2 instead! My friend and k were having a conversation along the lines of our dd's knickers (don't ask!) And she said she has one 10yr old who's always been ultra clean, and the other where it's easy to identify which knickers are clean.

Lots of gentle reminders? Just gentle 'don't forget to wipe to avoid dribbles', that sort of thing? It may soak in I'm sure by the time they're 18 they'll be better...

ready we do reminders every time she goes but she just ignores us! Poops/wees pulls her knickers up and carries on!! It's disgusting!! I even take her to one side and mention that there is a bit if a smell has she remembered to wipe etc and does she need to go and change but all I get is defiant nous from her. It's infuriating!!

This might be totally wrong and have you worrying for no reason but I've heard that children who have been abused, badly bullied or are feeling insecure often have toilet troubles. could your dsd have any of these problems? even at 8 I would hope a child wouldn't want to be dirty or smelly even if they struggled with wiping.

Thanks alita I don't think so but I guess it is possible! It certainly isn't her dad as they are never alone. There is nothing at school, we had a meeting with her teacherjust before the easter hholidays and nothing was mentioned. She shares a bedroom with dss when they are at their dms house so I wouldn't have thought anything is going in there unless it's dss but that is an awful thought.

Tbh I think it is purely that she has never been taught what she should do! When I asked her the first time if she had wiped she asked me what I meant!!

Just keep with the gentle reminders. A gentle suggestion to change her knickers, with a 'does that feel better?' after. Kids can be quite cruel, you may find a comment at school does the trick (got foot in mouth today, I mean that nicely). Regular showers with nice shower gel to help your nose too.

I told dss the new bottle in his swimming bag was hair and body, and that I expected him home smelling like a tramp . Bless him, he did! No smelly sweaty hair this week, hooray!

Thinking about alita's thoughts on insecurity- that may play a part. Kids can get insecure over all sorts of things that make us as adults go .

However we could be over analysing and she's a grubby baggage that's later 'getting it' than others. These pleasantries like wiping, hand washing really interrupt what they're doing

Haha ready how dare we interrupt the fun of playing swingball with unnecessary rubbish such as wiping our backsides!!

She is late getting it cos she has never been taught/shown how to do it which I think is the core issue and now she just doesn't see the importance despite two lots of hospital stays for severe impetigo and water infections!

She doesn't seem to be worried about anything and is usually pretty good at speaking up if there is a problem. She says he mum shouts at her so I guess she may be worried that the same will happen here. I never shout (ex teacher so know it's futile) and asked her if I ever shout at her and she openly says no but I do think she is probably a bit young to be able to disassociate from the reaction if Dm when she lives with her most of the time.

seriously don't think I am cut out for this this last few weeks :( feel like even when am trying my best to keep everyone happy it doesn't work. feels like all I do is shout and nag and beginning to hate myself for it let alone the rest of the family.

Maybe it's just the Easter hols effect. I seem to have turned into a constantly grumpy parent too. I have to ask so many times and they still don't get moving. Dss' laziness is infuriating, no responsibility for his actions or possessions. Ds found dss' MP3 player on their bedroom floor with the screen broken- last seen on top of the wardrobe with the rest of dss' crap stuff. Not Impressed.

Quiet evening here, dss with his mum, my 3 back from contact (thank God, I worry so much when they're with the-idiot their dad.) A film, then bed. I have a stack of sewing as dd1 want's her brownie badges on her jumper, as her sash annoys her too much.

good luck with the sewing tonight I hope it is and everything calms down feel like I'm trying to please too Many people, there are two many plates spinning and something has got to give. will the mp3 player be fixable do you think

It's definitely the holiday effect!! I could have cheered last night when the dsc's went back to their mum's. I have spent all week sorting out nits and shitty knickers and quite frankly I am fed up and pissed off!!

Like you fedup I could quite happily throw the towel in.. After this week I am questioning whether having them for 3 weeks in a row during the summer holidays is such a good idea for my mental health. I hope to god the kids are better with toilet issues I am not sure I can cope with scraping out the shit from dsd's knickers for 3 weeks

I don't think it helps that I am struggling with severe pain in my shoulder after they did a load of tests and scans on it the other week! My patience is at a very low point!

When I met DH dsd was 9 and mum still wiped her bum after a number two and washed and dried her hair for her. She still washes period out of her pants now at 15 ?? weird

Sorry - my point being that I understand the shitty knickers issues

don't get me wrong I love them all very much but it seems no matter what I do im annoying someone. its a very hard rope to walk!. the knicker situation sounds grim hope it Improves for all of your sakes

wow maud I got my period at 10 and pretty much from day one she'd send me the bathroom with a scrubbing brush and stain removing soap to scrub off blood stains, with strict instructions only to use cold water :p

dsd is at her mums this weekend, can't wait for next weekend as had my 12 week scan on Thursday which showed me a lovely healthy baby, and have to wait til next weekend when we have all 3 dsds so we can tell them together :)

Fed up it Is hard and I think it's something most women with a family feel especially if their dp is a stereotypical man, it's just worse I think if the kids aren't yours. I always find myself nagging everyone to tidy up etc (except super tidy dsd 2) or end up doing things myself or trying to stop dsd 2 from cleaning our mess (when dp has failed to do his jobs) on her visits. sigh.

when I first started going around to DH's, DSD was 13/14 and she just left her used sanitary pads on the bathroom floor for him to pick up and put in the bin. Barf!

readyisknitting, is it fair to guess he will have another one within a week?

maud it's vile!!!!!

I too remember scrubbing knickers when I first started my periods!! When the hell did kids start getting so bloody molycoddled?!

fedup I love mine dearly too! But I do get fed up with bending over backwards to please everyone except myself and getting nothing but grief and strops because someone isn't happy! I literally have 2 tops and 1 pair of jeans that fit me and needed to go shopping to try and get some bits on Thursday and dss threw the biggest god damn hiss fit going. He stood in the middle of our local mega mall and threatened to slap me!! Unfortunately I lost my cool and firmly told him that if he dared lay a finger on me he wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. not proud of myself but in my defence it was at the end of an awful day of them both treating me like shit when they actually bothered to acknowledge me

Passing out the, think we all need it. Totally understand the rope walking/plate spinning. And with no thanks. Might just start making ME happy

swaps for due to being t total but thanks for the thought mumsrush!

Please tell me it isn't this tough with your own kids!! Dd is only 8 months!

So, I'm new to this thread.

This week we've got DSD for the weekend. I got home from work at 11:30 last night, then spent all day out with my girlfriends today on a pre-arranged date. Even though I have a fairly good time compared to some on here I just can't help but feel it's been an easier weekend all round; DH has had his quality time with DSD and I haven't got frustrated about how it goes when she's here. Anyone else ever feel the same?

On phone so can't remember who said what...

Scrubbing period knickers. Lord help me, I can see that being dd1 in time.

The only thing that dss is likely to get from dp is a bollocking. The screen is totally kaput ( not like my phone which is usable despite the cracks! ) In the summer we will be driving from calais to the very north of Holland, so I will probably get him and ds a cheap mp3 player. That or I'll end up killing them!

Today is the St George's parade. I have 3 in scouts, dd1's brownies aren't involved. Dd2 (beaver) is excited. Ds (cub) is arguing about ecery thing, refusing his inhalers, and is generally being a pita. Dss (scout) isn't going. He's at his mum's, and she said he could either do football training yesterday, or the parade today. It's tough for him, but considering that he had to wake his mum and get her up to get him to training at 10, and the progress in that she will now take him to football matches on a Sunday... what can I say?

Congratulations alita btw

I've shot myself in the foot today by organising a joint Sunday school between the older group and my 6-10 group. With ds being a grump little toad I would usually not see him, but today he'll be in with me.... being stroppy and demand avoidant. What fun.

Happy Sunday peeps