Mother's Day politics

[wheresthelight]

Can i ask what you guys do please

Up to this year we have always got DSS and DSD a card and a gift to give to their mum for birthday/christmas/mother's day however their mum is of the opinion that as DP and I live together it is no longer her responsibility to buy him presents from their kids and i should do it - she told me this after i text her the other christmas to ask what she had got him from the kids so i didn't duplicate. I disagree but as i hate seeing him upset i make sure that there are always cards and presents bought for him.

This year after she has failed to get him so much as a card for christmas or for his birthday and the fact that she has moved in with her Boyfriend (OM) DP has decided that under her terms it is no longer his responsibility so has decided not to get her anything. The kids know nothing of this and haven't asked us to get anything or if they can have money to buy something (we did agree that if they asked then we would) and DP has asked them if they have made her a card etc which they said they had.

What do other people do and is this likely to kick off?

My DSD is 12 now and we used to give her pocket money so she could buy something for her mum. Then her mum got a new partner and he now makes sure DSD buys for her mum. DSDs mum always helps DSD buy for her dad and for her step family inc me and we buy presents for DSD mum and partner and sister.
It's what families do and like it or not we are extended family

Dsd has always made a card at school, dss buys one I think. They have never asked and I don't get involved other than to tell them to spoil mum and make her tea in bed ect. DH took them home tonight (it's our weekend) so they could spend tomorrow with their mum. When it comes to DH birthday, they normally have already got him a card. Neither side bother with presents and that works for DH and his ex

see this is what we would love but DP's ex doesn't see why 'her money' should be spent on DP and i think DP is feeling really pissed off that she doesn't value him enough as their father to make sure they get him something and he doesn't think it should be up to me as she is their mum and he is their dad.

I do understand why he has put his foot down this year and is 'playing by her rules' but part of me is worried that WW3 will kick off tomorrow and will end up ruining what little of mother's day he will spend with me and out dd (first mother's day so whilst i know it shouldn't be a big deal it is iyswim)

mumsrush that makes me feel a bit better then, i just hate confrontation and as DP works nights and is on tonight and tomorrow night he will be in bed most of the day tomorrow so we will only get an hour or so with him and i am worried she will kick off and ruin it - i admit i am probably worrying over nothing!

Happy first mothers day, why won't you see much of dp?

Cross posted

thank you!

If she's decided that a parent living with a new partner is no longer responsible for buying presents for the other parent, you have your answer.

picnic i know and this is what DP is using as his justification. however, his ex is a walking contradiction so i suspect she is unlikely to see it that way! Especially as i can't see her BF getting her anything and i am fairly sure that DSS won't have bothered to make her a card even though he has said he was planning to

We used to give dsd money and make sure she got something (never returned for Father's Day) but she gets pocket money now as she's 15 so I assume she'll have got something herself.

Dd is seven and she usually makes me about ten cards and her dad will but one to give to me too. Then my partner will take us out for lunch.

For Father's Day, I make sure dsd has something for her dad. I text dd's step mum and ask if she'd like me to get something or if she will. She usually says I can get it.

Always help DSD do card / buy present for Mum. Mum is single though so I don't think anyone else would do it if we didn't. She has other children but they don't have contact with their fathers so this year, DSD wanted to do cards / presents from all of them which was a bit awkward but we let her get on with it.

I do DH from all the kids on Father's Day. Mum has sometimes helped DSD get a present but not every year. Some years she's used is an opportunity to have a dig though; DH had asked her not to smoke in the car with DSD so she bought him an ashtray with "DAD" on it knowing full well he doesn't smoke.

In previous years DH has got DSD to write one of those "Like a Mum to Me" cards for me on Mother's Day....so cringey...I asked him not to. This year DSD has made and posted a card for me off her own back, which is nice.